


“I Fucking Hate Kylo Ren”

by Pitiful_Prince



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Armitage Hux & Phasma Friendship, Armitage Hux Has Feelings, Brendol Hux's A+ Parenting, Canon-Typical Behavior, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Force Choking (Star Wars), Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Minor Canonical Character(s), Minor Injuries, Multi, Not Canon Compliant, Other, Past Abuse, Resistance Member Armitage Hux, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Fix-It, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Spoilers, Suicidal Thoughts, Trans Armitage Hux, Trans Male Character, Unrequited Love, its a fix it for the only man that matters, just a little though, you get both
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:27:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 23
Words: 78,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21882988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pitiful_Prince/pseuds/Pitiful_Prince
Summary: With about a year of blank space between The Last Jedi and The Rise of Skywalker, and how dirty TRoS did my man Hux, I thought it fit to write this.Armitage Hux never liked Ren, especially not now that he was Supreme Leader. His life is hell and shows no signs of improving. What events made the First Order loyalist defect to the Resistance? What would happen if he went with them on the Millenium Falcon instead of getting shot? How will he deal with his unwanted and surprising crush on Kylo Ren? Would he ever be free of his eternal stress loop?Armitage would never know the answer.——HAS NOW BEEN FULLY POST EDITED
Relationships: Armitage Hux & Dopheld Mitaka, Armitage Hux & Kylo Ren, Armitage Hux & Phasma, Armitage Hux/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Poe Dameron & Armitage Hux
Comments: 55
Kudos: 130





	1. Chapter One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The thoughts of Hux through the last third of The Last Jedi, starting at the force choking scene. Him trying to pop a cap in Kylo’s unconscious ass will be brought up later I think. My writing also gets better near the end.

General Armitage Hux was once again reduced to a humiliating, pitiful display by his superiors for no reason other than their own savage entertainment. His only pleasant thoughts about this particular instance of humiliation were that none of his soldiers or fellow officers were around to witness it.

His head started to feel fuzzy from the lack of oxygen thanks to Ren using the force to choke him. He dangled lowly in the air and kicked his legs in a natural human instinct. Foolish. He knew it would do nothing to fight against the power Ren was using against him. The same could be said about how his gloved hands held his throat, trying to rip off the invisible hands that strangled him. 

Ren’s face showed Hux no emotion except for contempt. It made Hux want to murder him. Kill him and abuse him and humiliate him and choke him the same way Ren did to him.

The sith was no doubt reading his mind the way he did with the force, but at this point, Hux could care less. His world was slowly crumbling down around him and leaving him with littler and littler each passing hour.

First it was the intimidating presence of General Enric Pryde; a man that threatened his triumvirate with Kylo Ren and Captain Phasma. Then came the destruction of his beloved Starkiller base at the hands of a defective Stormtrooper. And now there was this. 

Kylo Ren acting like the bratty child he was. 

Hux was once equal to Ren in power, answering directly to Supreme Leader Snoke and standing on the same ground as both the powerful force users. Him, a normal, bastard child who climbed his way through the ranks by any means necessary. He worked for his position as General, and each day he yearned- demanded- for higher ranks. More control. More power. The title of Grand Marshal or Allegiant General. That was all he asked for. It was his right to rule the galaxy and control all have all he ever wanted. But Ren had taken the leap for strength sooner than Hux, and now he stood above it all.

Hux cursed himself for allowing Ren to power over him. He was stronger than Ren. Physically. Emotionally. Mentally. Hux was destined to tower over everyone who ever existed. Not a single soul in the entire galaxy was born to make him cower and bow his pitiful head. 

Yet here he was. Bruised, bloodied, passing out, and reduced to a table side stress toy for Ren to use as he pleases. His mind was still attempting to process the scene he'd stepped into, but it was becoming harder to do now that he couldn’t breath. 

The girl who’d willingly surrendered herself to them had killed their Supreme Leader Snoke, all of his Praetorian Guards, and idiotically left Ren, of all men, alive. If only she had finished the damn job. 

“The Supreme Leader is dead,” Ren snarled, though the sound barely made its way to Hux’s ringing ears. 

Him giving in was what Ren wanted. Deep down, it was probably what Hux wanted as well. If he gave in, then he’d be let go. His position as General wouldn’t be compromised, he wouldn’t die, and he could continue to rise in the ranks of The First Order.

But his pride was something he didn’t want to so easily surrender. Giving up on his pride right here and now would tell Ren that Hux accepted his new position underneath his heel. 

He’d rather die. 

Ren must have sensed his emotions again. A quick tightening of his windpipe made Hux rethink his spur of the moment decision. He gave Ren a death glare and used the little oxygen he got to form a short, necessary sentence. 

“Long live the Supreme Leader,” he choked out. 

Ren immediately dropped his hand and Hux came falling to the ground. He propped himself up on his legs as fast as possible, not willing to let Ren see him grovel on his knees any longer than was possible, and took quick, deep, and ragged breaths. _Breathe. Just try to breathe and don’t lose your composure. Don’t allow Ren to see your weaknesses,_ he told himself. 

The harsh feeling of a hand was still lingering on his neck and throat. He wished it would leave soon. It made him feel like he was still being suffocated. Forced into submission 

“Get to your post,” Supreme Leader Kylo Ren spat. “We’re destroying the rest of the Resistance’s ships and taking the fight to Crait. You’re coming down with me.”

“Is that where the girl went? Supreme Leader?” Hux coughed out, making his way to a standing position. 

Ren didn’t answer him. The black haired brat walked away towards the elevator and left Hux staggering on his feet. He didn’t let himself think ill of Ren until the man had left and Hux was alone.

Alone with the burning room that once belonged to Supreme Leader Snoke.

Alone with the dead bodies of Snoke’s Praetorian Guards and his severed corpse. Cut in half by the girls lightsaber. 

Hux gripped at the collar of his uniform with his shaking fingers and composed himself. Judging by Kylo’s- he refused to acknowledge him as Supreme Leader- current temper, he only had a very short while to ready himself before he had to leave. 

Damn that Ren. Hux’s rage and jealousy couldn’t be expressed in words. In the span of just a few minutes he’d seen his leaders corpse, been humiliated by his second most hated comrade, nearly passed out, and had his world flipped upside down. Anyone would want the world on the scuff of their heel at that point.

Now that Kylo named himself Supreme Leader, where would that leave Hux? They weren’t equals anymore. He was below Kylo, a mere General to a God. Sure, he was in a good position for Allegiant General or even Grand Marshal, but at the moment he still stood a lowly General. Kylo could throw him away or demote him to a Petty Officer if he so wished. 

Hux didn’t wish to ponder these questions any longer than he had to. They only served to hurt him; to ruin his dream of controlling Kylo and everybody else in this wretched galaxy. 

He spat a mixture of blood and saliva onto the ground and fixed his gelled hair back into place. Kylo wouldn’t know how much this incident got to his head. 

Not ever. 

———

Hux reluctantly boarded Ren’s personal cruiser and waited for their advancement on Crait. The cannon to smash open the Rebel base’s walls was already moving forward, as were the AT-AT’s and battle plans. He stood proud next to the new “Supreme Leader” (like he’d ever be respected in that title by anyone) and disregarded their previous meeting. 

His hands still twitched to cover his neck and throat though, and that he felt weak for. 

The rebels were launching a desperate counter attack as they tried to flee from the First Order’s merciless assault. But they were trapped like mice in a box, and the First Order would make sure they were finally wiped out for good. The Resistance were even putting pilots out in broken, worn down speeder jets from years past. A final attempt at a distraction for escape and an attack on the cannon. 

“All fire power on those speeders,” Ren commanded, his voice teetering on the verge of speaking and shouting. 

“Concentrate all fire on the speeders!” Hux yelled. 

Ren looked at him confused for a moment, and then went on commanding his army. Hux wouldn’t let him control _his_ own men. He dictated what they would do, _not_ Kylo Ren. Hux needed at least a little control of his situation. Ren wasn’t allowed to think of him as a “rabid cur” or a feebly inferior man. Ren wouldn’t tower over him anymore than he already was. 

It was a vicious and entertaining fight as Hux would put it. The Resistance fell to fewer numbers still, and the cannon was ready to fire on the gate. All signs pointed to a victory for the First Order. A victory well deserved if he could say out loud. 

It would all be fine and well at this point, if it weren’t for the terrible idiocracy of Ren. He could never be Supreme Leader. He still acted as a toddler in a perpetual tantrum. 

Ren was ordering a large scale cannon fire on a singular man that stood before the gate. One man. One measly man. Hux couldn’t grasp the concept as to why Kylo was going through so much trouble trying to eliminate one man, but he couldn’t bring up his grievances, or even think about them. Kylo had already ordered most of their TIE Fighter fleet to chase a single ship, so they couldn’t even count on sky attacks at the moment. Yet another terrible, childish decision. 

Hux wanted to bite on his tongue and bark out his orders and put Kylo in his place all at the same time. If his men weren’t in the ship with him then he would have spoke his mind freely, unable to be shamed and embarrassed by the humiliation of being beaten by Ren. It was always easier in private. 

But at this point, he couldn’t care about that anymore. This had gone on long enough and, frankly, was reminiscent of all the past mistakes that led Ren and the Order to disaster. He had to take action. 

“That’s enough!” Hux shouted. 

The AT-ATs and ships immediately stopped their firing. They all respected and feared Hux, as they should, and seemed more compelled to listen to him than to the new Supreme Leader’s orders to continue. Kylo, surprisingly, didn’t reprehend the order. He stayed silent and focused on the dissipating cloud of salt and dust that formed where the man stood. Hux watched his facial expressions with hesitation. 

Kylo’s pupils dilated in what seemed to be restrained anger. His fists tightened and his jaw locked. Hux could tell he was holding back. To find out why, he followed Kylo’s menacing glare and felt his heart jump. 

Despite the minute long nonstop cannon fire onslaught, the old man stood completely unharmed. He even cheekily brushed off his shoulder and huffed. Hux felt dread, contempt, and confusion wash over him. He quickly tried to regain control of himself and look back over to Kylo. 

“Bring me down to him. Keep the door covered and don’t advance until I say,” the Supreme Leader said lowly. His tone could almost be heard to hold a twinge of fear, like he holding back tears.

“Supreme Leader,” Hux started, “don’t get distracted. Our goal is to-”

Hux was rudely interrupted by being flung backwards and sideways into the wall of the ship with a monumentos crash. A force push. Just what he should have expected.

The shipmen flinched and directed their gaze downwards immediately. Through his dazed state and ringing ears, Hux heard one of them mutter a meek, “yes sir”. _Coward. Stand up for yourself!_ _Ren will never be Supreme Leader,_ he angrily thought. 

Ren himself was ignoring Hux’s low groan of pain and instead clenching his lightsabers hilt while he waited for the ship to descend. Hux gripped his head and did a quick examination for bruises or lumps or anything else that would send him to the medical bay. Luckily there was only a slight trickle of blood above his left ear. It was more of an annoyance rather than a problem. It would get matted and dry in his hair and leave an annoying knot later. 

Hux watched from the floor as Kylo exited the ship and briskly walked out onto the open field. He was entirely exposed, and if Hux wanted to, he could quite easily order a fire strike and kill Kylo then and there. The thought amused him and almost eased the pounding pain in his head. It seemed like anything that could harm Ren in any feasible way possible brought him abstract joy. 

Hux didn’t care about watching Ren fight. He cautiously hoisted himself up, using the wall as a leverage, and steadied himself. He leaned on the wall and only now realized that his left arm was most likely sprained or even cracked. He took pride in the fact that he was able to hold in his hiss of pain. 

He used his good arm to swipe his hair over to one side and walked back to his usual position on the floor. He regained his composure so easily. It was a special skill of his. One of the shipmen turned in her chair and looked at him with pitying eyes. Hux was surprised a moment. 

“Are you alright, General sir?” she tentatively asked him. 

“Yes, I’m fine,” he said back simply. His tone told her to ask no more questions. 

She turned back around and Hux desperately wanted to let out a sign of pain. His head and arm combined felt like they were slowly killing him. It was near unbearable. But he had to tough it out until he could make it to the medical bay and get treatment. His men would learn from him personally to never stand down against your assailants. 

Oh, how that was stupid. He only wanted to save his own pride and stand against Kylo Ren. 

How he despised him.

From the moment he’d met him to the current day and to the future. He’d never stop hating Ren. And now that Ren had commanded the position of Supreme Leader, Hux would have to work even harder to usurp him and stand on even ground again. 

_I fucking hate Kylo Ren,_ he thought.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux is taken care of and cleaned up by an annoying medical droid before learning he must take time off of work. Oh no. Millicent helps keep him company, don’t worry. And I may use kriffing now, but that’s lame and I’m gonna let Hux say fuck

* * *

“How does it feel on a scale of one to ten when I touch your arm?” The medical droid asked him. 

“Is one or ten unbearable pain?”

“Ten.”

“Then it’s a flat six. Quit touching it,” Hux said in a crabby tone. He couldn’t stand the medical droids. 

After the whole debacle on Crait that ended with Ren losing the fight to the strange man and the Resistance cockroaches getting away, Hux promptly made his way to one of the medical bays. He had to get his head and arm checked out as soon as possible. Missing work was not an option for him anymore. Giving Ren even a few hours to gain more power made Hux feel utterly repulsed. 

He bit his tongue and twitched his eye when the droid pulled his fractured arm. He warily watched it do its job. Hux was never one to fully trust droids, especially after that BB Unit and Resistance pilot had caused such a catastrophe in the First Order. It hadn’t even been that long ago. 

Hux suddenly felt something new happening to his arm and his gaze flinched. 

The medical droid started to apply a light cast. A cloth sling lay on the table next to it. _A cast? I can’t go back to work with_ that _on me! I’ll be the laughing stock of the floor!_ he angrily thought. 

Hux decided to roughly pull his arm away and silently keened at the intense flash of pain. If the droid could show facial expressions he bet it’d be frowning at him. He didn’t care. It wasn’t even alive. 

“I need to apply a cast or else the bone will heal wrong. Your fracture is very close to a full break,” it said. “Without a cast you may be out of work for longer.”

Hux glared at it. Yes, droids weren’t his first choice of friends. The thought of going back to work with his arm in a sling and having pitying stares directed all over him didn’t amuse him, but it was better than possibly needing to take more time off. He reluctantly inched his arm back towards the droid and almost felt like he was getting used to the pain. That’s not to say it didn’t annoy the kriff out of him. _Damn that Ren…_

Hux sucked up the random shots of pain up his arm and sat silent as the droid did its job. When it finished, it applied the sling and stood back a moment. Hux knew it wasn’t done with the examination, so he steadily turned his head to expose the matt of blood covering his hair and bruised scalp. That’s what was next.

In all honesty, he’d nearly forgotten about the blow to his head. He’d been too distracted by his arm to even think about it. 

The droid thanked him and scanned his bruise. Hux didn’t understand droid-speak, so when the droid started beeping he hadn’t a clue what it meant. It went to get a bottle of pills from a cabinet. _That can’t be good,_ he bitterly thought. And it wasn’t. 

“From my scanners I can conclude that your skull is also fractured. It will heal without surgery but you will need to have stress and movement limited days. I suggest taking at least two days off for optimal health improvement.”

“You obviously don’t understand how important I am to this ship and it’s fleet. I can’t just take days off because of a headache,” Hux spat, standing up and then instantly regretting it when his head sent out another deep, throbbing pain. 

“If you force yourself to continue with your work then you run the risk of passing out and having intense pain.”

“More intense than _this?_ ” he wryly joked while rubbing his skull. 

“Much more. You would also need to take extra painkillers and healing suaves until you were completely healed, and likely after as well. These specific pills will also conflict with your implant, rendering it ineffective.”

Oh, well that wasn’t good. Hux grimaced and held his face in his hand, hiding it from the shitty droid. _Damn these robots. No good at anything._

“Ineffective… forever? I’d need to get a new one implanted?” Hux asked. 

“Correct.”

“Fine. I’ll take the two days off and _only_ the two days, nothing more than that.”

“While I still suggest taking two days as a minimum, two should be efficient. I have the less effective painkiller to give you, also.”

“These won’t interfere with the implant?”

“They will not.”

“Fine.”

Hux got up and snatched the bottle of painkillers the droid was reaching for. The more powerful ones were still in the droids hand. Hux gave them a childish glare and stuffed his medicine in his greatcoat pocket. He eyed the droid to see if it would keep talking. It painfully did. 

“The instructions are on the label. If you wash your hair in the next week, take precaution on the area of and around your fracture,” it instructed. Hux mindlessly nodded along. 

“I’ll take my leave then,” he said before exiting the room. 

_This is going to be a kriffing nightmare,_ he thought to himself. Each officer, radar technician, droid, or stormtrooper he past sent a blinding wave of humiliation through his body. The thought of being pitied by the lower ranked infuriated him. Though, when he passed a regime of stormtrooper it _did_ remind him to place an order for a new shipment of duraplast. Great, another thing to trouble him while he was meant to be resting. Just perfect. 

Hux quickly made his way back to his quarters. He sneakily slipped through the door and shut it behind him before going to sit on his bed. 

Being a general, he had a much better room than others, especially the stormtroopers and technicians. He had a bed, a desk with a semi comfortable spinning chair, a small walk in closet for his jackets and boots, and a bathroom add on. There was even a small kitchenette equipped with a stove, microwave, fridge, and toaster. Not that he often used it. The basic meals delivered to him everyday were enough. 

His head stung from the muffled impact of hitting his bed and he groaned lowly. A sudden soft jingling sound took his attention away from his self pity and pain. A large orange tabby-cat made its way out of his closet and leaped onto the bed next to him. It started to purr and rubbed its soft head against Hux’s sling ridden arm. He groaned.

“Millicent, bad kitty. That hurts,” he jokingly scolded, scratching her cheek and behind her ears. She purred louder and settled down in Hux’s lap. 

He’d had Millicent for nearly two years now, and she became his when she was still a little kitten. Needless to say, she’d grown quite a bit larger. Her collar was old, the same one he’d found her in as a kitten (Hux made extra sure to loosen it as she grew up), a plain black with a buckle clip and a jingly black bell with a built-in tracker. 

He added the tracker after she escaped from his quarters and walked around the Finalizer for over an hour some months ago. He’d added a new application to his datapad to follow it. Mitaka had helped him.

“I had a real bad day today, Millicent. Mind me telling you about it?”

She looked back up at him with her big brown eyes. 

“Well why am I asking? You’re a cat,” he sighed while rubbing her head. 

“Anyways, I got nearly choked to death by that child Kylo Ren I told you about, had him take the position of Supreme Leader and got shoved against a wall so hard I fractured my arm _and_ skull. But the worst part? The worst part is the fact that I need to take two days off. The ship will go to hell without me making sure everyone’s doing their kriffing jobs.”

Millicent let out a cute meow and rubbed her head against Hux’s hand. He smiled slightly and felt himself calming down. Once he’d read that petting animals releases good endorphins from the brain and reduces the risk of heart attacks. With the amount of stress he had on a daily basis he sure hoped it was true. Maybe Millicent already saved him from death more than once. 

_Two whole days off from work on the Finalizer… what the hell am I going to do?_ All the work he did to keep the ship running left him little time for rest, so he never truly learned any hobbies or activities to do in his spare time. 

_Maybe I could work from my datapad in bed,_ he mused. _Or take up cooking for once. Make some bang-corn and hang out with Millicent. Kriff, I’m pathetic. What I_ should _be doing is working out how to deal with Ren now. No doubt he’ll come by later and demand why I’m not at work. That’ll be a great conversation to have with the new Supreme Leader._

Hux sighed and looked down at Millicent. She looked back. 

“What do you think I should do, eh Millicent?” he absentmindedly asked. “Plot against Ren or work from home? One blink for Ren, no blinks for home.”

He blew on her face to make her blink. He grinned. 

“Plot against Ren it is. Thanks for the help, Milly, but I should finish my work first.”

Hux gently nudged her off his lap and swatted the stray cat hair from his pants. Maybe a ginger cat wasn’t the best idea when all his uniforms were black. Not like he had a choice of a kitten anyways though. He couldn’t just leave her on that planet all by herself, now could he? Such a beautiful creature deserved a rich home. 

He shuffled over to his kitchenette and rummaged through its few cabinets. Nothing particularly appetizing besides a box of cereal, but pouring the full milk jug with one arm would be too much of a pain. 

He settled for a chocolate and Meiloorun Fruit flavoured energy bar and went to sit on his desk. The pounding in his head was steadily getting worse, but it reminded him of the pills in his pocket. He took them out and read the label. 

“ _Take one pill every five hours. If pain continues, take an additional pill. Continue to swallow pills for four days. Keep out of reach of children and small creatures…_ Small creatures, huh? Don’t be eating my medicine now, Millicent.”

After Hux realized that he could take an extra one whenever, he took two at once and swallowed them dry. Luckily they didn’t get stuck in his throat. That would be painfully annoying. Millicent hopped up onto his desk and nudged his datapad with her fluffy white paw. Hux silently laughed and went to work, making sure to give her a pet every now and then. 

What would the fleet, or better yet, the entire First Order, do without him?


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this is an edit. After posting this and looking up ship names in the First Order I remembered that Holdo destroyed the Supremacy a little before this chapter takes place so let’s just say that didn’t happen or something because I’m already writing the next chapter and can’t fix everything. I’m sorry I’m a dumb bastard ://

Hux awoke in the early morning with a head splitting ache throughout his skull. It caused him to jolt out of bed- accidentally knocking Millicent’s sleeping frame off his torso- and lean over. He held his head in his arms and went to fetch his medicine from the kitchen in an awkward shamble. He cursed himself for leaving it there last night. 

His logic of thinking had been that if anyone barged into his room overnight and seen them laying on his bedside table, they’d pity him, or worse, taunt him for being so weak. It was a very valid reasoning. Still, he wished he’d left them closer to his bed now.

Millicent followed him into the kitchenette and pestered him by rubbing on his ankles and mewling for breakfast. He gently kicked her out of the way and searched through the cabinets. When he found them, he weakly frowned and took two with a glass of water and an extra migraine pill just to be safe.

The painful throbbing didn’t go away immediately, but that was to be expected. It wasn’t _magic. They should start making better medicine rather than the next model of Speeder. Kriffing hell,_ he thought.

Millicent gave him an angry headbutt in the leg. He looked down at her.

  
“Want some breakfast, Millicent? Why don’t I get you some while I make myself some coffee, alright?” 

She meowed and Hux assumed she agreed. She couldn’t really answer him after all, being a cat. 

He moved to make his hot brew and winced at the stiffness of his muscles. It was bad enough he could even move one arm, but having the other one annoyingly sting when he used it? It was just great. Perfect and great. 

Hux sighed and flipped the lid of the coffee machine down, listening to the buzzing sound it made as it turned on. He looked at Millicent who was patiently sitting by her food bowl. 

The sound of the coffee machine soon got drowned out by the sound of cat food clinking about in the metallic bowl. You didn’t need to be there to understand how awkward it was to carefully pour Millicent’s food with half of a working arm. 

Millicent stuck her face in and began to munch down like she’d never been fed in her life. Her body was already pudgier than most cats, and it didn’t seem like that would change any time soon. _Maybe I spoil you too much, eh Milly? You need a diet,_ Hux thought. 

A ding from his coffee maker alerted him. He grabbed a plain black mug from his cabinets and watched as the coffee poured into it, piping hot. When it was filled nearly to the brim, Hux poured in two packets of sugar and stirred them around until they dissolved. Over the years he’d realized that “sweet” was the best way to drink coffee, granted there were a few extra pumps of caffeine to even it out. 

He carefully sipped from the steaming mug and relished in the feeling of the hot liquid coating his tongue. It almost seemed to soothe him in some way. 

A coffee was enough for breakfast. He didn’t want to order anything, for fear of others seeing him in his current pitiful state, and his cabinets were nearly empty, save for a box of energy bars, soup cans, and some TV Dinners. None of those options seemed satisfying at the moment. Coffee was enough.

Hux took another long sip and set his drink on the work table. Next to it was his bottle of meds and personal datapad. He reached for the machine. Might as well get some work done, he reasoned.

Before he did though, he felt one of his greatcoats hanging on his chair and slipped it over his shoulders. The Supremacy could get rather cold in the mornings. 

Hux scrolled through the countless lists and tasks with a weary gaze. Having to put his coffee or datapad down to grab the other was infuriating. Millicent tried to make it better by remaining quiet and napping on his lap, and she was nothing but a welcome presence. They stayed like that for a while, both content in silence, calmed by the others being there. It made Hux’s work easier.

When he looked up at the time he nearly groaned out loud. It was half past one, and he’d only been awake for around five hours. There was still so much time to be bored and in pain. He’d remembered to take another pill, and even decided to get up to stretch and grab a bowl of oily soup, but those were the only things he’d done besides work. 

Work work work. It was all he ever did. It was almost unhealthy how much he slaved over his work, feeling like if there was even a single mistake he would get punished. Usually by his own mind. Perfectionism, he once heard his father call it. Over-competence, he’d heard Ren mumble.

“This is dreadful, Millicent,” he said, looking over to where she was playing with a stray bouncy ball. “I’m meant to take this time off, but I still can’t stop working. And it doesn’t help that Ren is the cause of my absence. Maker, what’ll it be like going back to my position when _he’s_ the Supreme Leader?”

“Mrow?”

“I bet you can secretly understand me and just want to tease me. That right?” 

“... Meeowww?”

“Talking to my cat about my woes like she’s a real person, what have I come to?” Hux groaned, resting his head on his desk.   
  


Millicent happily went back to her game of ball. Hux wondered if she was happy he was here longer than often to keep her company. But maybe she wanted him gone so she could sneak out like he knew she wanted to.

Hux lifted his head at a sudden sound of knocking coming from his door. _Who on Arkanis could be needing me? Ha, what am I thinking? Without me the whole ship is probably falling to pieces._ Hux humoured himself with his thoughts and got up from his chair. His greatcoat fell off his shoulders to the floor, leaving him with only his black sleep top on his torso. The person knocked again. 

“Who is it? Is the ship on fire?” he half joked half sneered. 

“It’s not yet, but with you still sleeping in your quarters, it just may be soon enough.”

Ah. Hux knew that voice. 

It was Phasma, one of the only people he truly cared about or trusted in the First Order. He opened the slider door for her and stepped aside. She came in, her chromium armour not making the expected clunking sound you’d think it would, and took her helmet off when Hux closed the door behind her. Hux felt more at ease, knowing it was her and not some random colonel or stormtrooper. 

Phasma put her helmet down beside her on the bed and ran her fingers through her hair, fixing it from it’s bad toque head. Millicent recognized her and hopped up onto her lap, putting her front paws on Phasma’s chest to try and rub her face on her chin. Phasma scratched the kitty under the chin and looked up at Hux.

He offered her a forced half smile back and sat back down in his chair, spinning it around to properly face his guest. He wasn’t a savage. Decent etiquette was required for anyone.

“Is that the reason you’ve skipped the job today?” she humorously asked while nodding to his sling. 

“No, I just decided to skip for the first time in years,” Hux sarcastically replied. “Yes of course it’s because of the arm, what else would it be?”

“What happened, Armitage?” 

“Ren did.”

“Supreme Leader,” she corrected. 

“So you just accepted that fact already? It’s been a day. Kriff, you’ve always been so loyal.”

“I have. Is there anything wrong with doing your job?”

“I suppose not. It’s smart to have loyalties, but to Ren? I’d never.”

Hux scoffed and motioned for Millicent to come to him. The brat cat stayed with Phasma and didn’t even spare him a glance. _Good luck tempting extra treats out of me then, traitor._

“What did he do to you? It can’t _just_ be the arm, I see a bottle of painkillers on your desk.”

“It happened on Crait. I tried to talk him out of a stupid decision he was making- I swear he's like a child- and got shoved against the wall. Hard. I didn’t realize that I had a fractured skull as well until I went to the medical bay,” Hux explained. It was easy to be open with Phasma, and he secretly treasured it. “So now I’m stuck in my quarters for today and tomorrow because I can’t have anyone seeing my weakness.”

“So the great General Hux is weakened by a mere arm and skull fracture? Sorry, but it seems out of character for you,” Phasma said while holding Millicent up and kissing her face.

“Not _my_ choice. One of the medical droids prescribed it. Said that if I pushed myself too soon then I’d need even harder painkillers in the future and they’d cancel out my hormone chip.”

“Ah, that makes more sense than just embarrassment.” 

Hux didn’t reply and looked towards his door. Kylo Ren would be starting his first day off as Supreme Leader. What was he doing? Sitting in the ashes of Snoke’s throne, or forcing a fleet of technicians to fix it for him? Hux kept thinking of his new superior and spoke. 

  
“What of Ren?” he asked.

“What do you mean?”

“I- what’s he doing? Right now?”

“Well I assume that he’s also staying in his quarters for now, at least until the throne room is fixed. You know who wrecked it, don’t you?”

“Of course I do. Ren told me before he choked me halfway past death. It was the girl from the resistance; I don’t know her name. He just told me she wrecked it, killed Snoke, and ran off to Crait to help the resistance forces escape,” Hux said. “She must be plenty stronger than you to be able to pull that whole debacle off,” he added with a wry smile.

  
“Hardly likely,” Phasma joked back. “Sure she could beat Supreme Leader in a fight, but could she beat me? I _did_ win nearly all of our training spars back on the Starkiller base. You two could barely hold a candle to me.”

“I wasn’t built for fighting,” he replied flatly. It was true, sadly enough. His frame was shorter than most men, he was naturally skinner, and he just couldn’t build as much muscle mass as fast.

“Neither was I until I started to train for my position. You could get as strong as Supreme Leader if you tried, Armitage, moreso now than when we were children.”

“I’ll stick to my hidden greatcoat knives,” he said lazily. Then he paused a moment before continuing. “The destruction of the Starkiller Base wasn’t that long ago. Only a few days, right? Do you miss it?”

“Do you?”

“Of course I do. It was my pride and joy. ’Gave me equal power to Ren.”

“We all shared the power in our little triumvirate,” Phasma said. “It wasn’t all you.”

“Well, can we say most of it was then?” 

“Hey, whatever helps you sleep at night, right Armitage?”

“Right.”

Phasma looked toward the clock and then back to Hux. He gazed over as well and saw it was just passing two o’clock. They’d been talking for a while, and he presumed she had to go back to work. Phasma got up and grabbed her helmet, confirming his suspicions. Millicent hopped from her lap and into the kitchen for a meal.   
  


“Are you going back to business as usual?” he asked. 

“I have to. I’m just as important as you,” she humoured back. 

“Hey, Phasma, did you take your whole break off to visit me?”

“Of course I did,” she said while putting her helmet back on. 

“Why?”

“Well I wanted to see why you skipped today. And of course because I like visiting my Armitage on my time off.”

“Ha. Can’t say I’d do the same for you. Last time I didn’t come back here for my breaks, Millicent started clawing up my bedside for fun.”

“So that’s what those marks are?” she teased. 

“What, you thought _I_ did that?” Hux asked with a glare.

“Who knows what you’ll do, Armitage.”

“Just go away and leave me to die in peace.”

Phasma grinned and nodded to him, brushing the orange cat hair off her armour. She found it almost cute how Hux and Millicent were the same colour. Hux watched her shut the slider door behind her and disappear. 

Alone again, save for Milly. Phasma’s surprise visit had rejuvenated him in a way. Being around her did that. She was the closest thing to family or a best friend he had in the First Order, and she was the only person he’d trust with his life. Now, if Ren ever tried to get him to save his life or anything of the sort, Hux would quite honestly leave him to die. It’s what he deserved; taking away his path to power. 

Figuring that it was a little past two o’clock now, and he still had way too much time before lights out to do nothing, he decided to take a nap. _Sleep is the best rest you can get and rest is what will help me heal faster. Plus, I think I need to catch up on my sleep cycle before I pass out on the spot,_ he thought drearily. 

It was true. He never really got enough sleep. He was lucky to get at most five hours on the usual. His responsibilities were too much and too many to allow him time to rest. So a nap now would help him get some sleep back if it even worked like that.

Hux picked his greatcoat up from the floor where it had fallen and threw it back over his chair. Millicent heard the dull thump and made her way back to the main room of his quarters. He kicked her lightly with his foot and flopped onto his bed back first. Dumb idea. 

A spike of pain shot through both his arm and head in unison. His breath hitched in his throat and he let out a displeased moan. Being more careful, he hoisted his legs up and used them to kick his sheets up and over his body. Hux rolled over and was met face to face with Millicent. She batted her head against his nose before going to lay down on his pillow. 

His only pillow. 

“You’re a curse in disguise,” he grumbled to her. She purred. 

Hux shuffled down in bed so his head was resting on the mattress instead of the pillow. As much as he loved Millicent, he didn’t fancy the idea of having her breathe on him for very long. The bed was comfortable anyways. Hux faced the wall and his wardrobe, away from the door. 

It was now that he realized he hadn’t even turned the lights off. He groaned and pulled the covers over his head. They blocked out enough light. They were black like everything else in the First Order. _Would it kill them to be a little more creative with the colouring? White would be a nice change,_ he often found himself thinking. 

Hux sighed and closed his eyes. Millicent was already asleep, softly snoring and purring. And soon, Hux joined her. Maybe it was good to have some time off after all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear I’ve used Wookipedia so much while writing this and had to look up “Phasma Star Wars metal armour name” because I’m stupid. Please enjoy this because in the next chapter I’m pretty sure Kylo is gonna show up and be a brat.
> 
> EDIT: he did :)


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux gets up from his well deserved nap and wakes up to an unwelcome, but also well deserved meeting with the new Supreme Leader. It obviously doesn’t end very well.

Hux woke up some time later to the loud ringing of a pending call on his holopad. He groaned and rolled out of bed, making sure not to crush his arm. He assumed it was about two or three hours later, but a quick glance at the wall told him it was only three o’clock.

It hadn’t even been an hour. What a waste of time.

The holopad rung again and he quickly stretched his back. 

He trudged his way over to the holopad and put his greatcoat on. It was a bit of an ordeal with his arm in a cast, so it hung off one arm limply. Yawning, he begrudgingly fixed his hair, slapped his face, and woke himself up fully before answering. 

Phasma popped up and he visibly relaxed at her image. 

“Hello, Phasma,” he said. “What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong is that trouble is coming to you. Supreme Leader is making his way to your quarters since you haven’t been to work in over a day.”

“Ren’s coming _here?_ A day?” he muttered in a confused tone. “I just had a fifty minute nap, it hasn’t even been ten hours since we got back to the fleet. You just came to see me a little while ago.”

“Armitage, are you being serious? It’s been an entire day since I visited you,” she explained. “Did you sleep for that whole time?”

Hux looked to the clock again and then to the date on his datapad. Phasma was right. He’d been asleep for an entire standard day. _Maker_ _, how kriffing tired_ was _I?_ He swallowed and turned back to Phasma. 

“I- apparently I did. When did Ren leave for me?” he frantically asked. 

“Just a minute ago. I thought I should warn you. Good thing I did or you’d be asleep when he got there.”

“I know I know! I have to fix this, I’m hanging up.”

Hux shut the holopad off and turned to let his gaze sweep over his quarters. He went over to clean the excessive amounts of cat hair off his bed and neatly made it again afterwards. Millicent was playing with a toy in the corner currently. He picked her up and threw her in to the bathroom like he always did when company was over. She pawed at the door and mewed. 

“Just stay in there for a few minutes and I’ll let you out after Ren is gone,” he coaxed. Millicent seemed to understand him after a silent moment and shut her mouth. 

Hux pressed his back to the door. _Fuck, what else?_ He racked his brain for a moment before remembering. _Coffee! Right!_

In a frantic motion- made painful by his arm- he snatched up his day old cold coffee cup and rapidly rinsed it out in the sink. Ren wouldn’t go into his kitchenette, but it wouldn’t hurt to try and give it a ten second tidy. Popping a few painkillers into his mouth and swallowing them dry, he leaned against the wall.

Hux finally brushed off his greatcoat and splashed water on his face. Now he was fully awake and aware. In all honesty, he still couldn’t believe he’d slept for over an entire day. _Do I really overwork myself that much? Kriff. It must be because I’m the only man with basic competence in this entire fleet of ships._

He took a deep breath and went to sit on his desk; starting to do his work and waiting in anxious silence. Ren would bring a storm with him, he knew for sure, and he had to mentally prepare himself. Why was he even coming in the first place? Had Phasma told him in her warning? He couldn’t remember.

Hux picked up his pill bottle and stashed it in his pocket. He’d just taken at least six at once to compensate for his nap, and doing a quick bit of mental math, he realized that was one or two too many. It didn’t matter. The sooner he finished the bottle, the better. 

He put his finger to the holopad and immediately got a scare from his door opening at light speed. Not lightspeed really, but in his semi-anxious state he let his mind use hyperboles. He smoothly turned in his chair and looked up at Kylo Ren who had just barged into his quarters like Phasma said he would. 

It was still a little odd to see Ren without his obnoxious Darth Vader wannabe mask on. Hux remembered back to the first time he saw Ren’s bare face. 

His hair was longer than he thought it would be- though it had since gotten cut slightly shorter to be cropped at his chin instead of his shoulders- and it had light waves that gave it a textured look. He won his bet on the black hair though. It was most likely dyed to seem scarier since both his mother and father had brown hair. Ren’s brown eyes weren’t a surprise either. Boring and dull, just like Ren himself. 

But the lack of a childish face to match his demeanour had confused him. Honestly, the most surprising thing of all was when Hux learned the fact that Ren was younger than him, despite his actions. Not by much, mind you. At that time, he’d never met someone so young with so much power. _Aren’t all sith force users supposed to be ugly and scared?_ he remembered thinking. 

Ren looked down at him and tilted his head, glaring and no doubt thinking of what to say. Hux could tell he was taken off guard by his gauze and sling, and by the fact he was working from his quarters. Ren regained his composure quickly enough though. 

“Hux, why haven’t you been at your post in over an entire day? It’s extremely busy in the First Order and we need all men on their jobs. Why are you slacking off in your quarters?” Supreme Leader Ren demanded. 

_So you won’t even grant me the satisfaction of my title anymore? Fine, be that way then, Ren,_ Hux bitterly thought. 

“I’m sorry, _Supreme Leader,_ but it’s not my own choice. A medical droid told me to take yesterday and today off,” he answered, feeling a twinge of humiliation at the action of calling Ren the Supreme Leader. He doubted he’d ever get used to the new title.

“Medical droid? What were you doing in the medbay?”

Ren had entered the room completely by this point and stood against a wall, looking down on his “acquaintance”. No word could properly describe their relationship. His posture was strong and upright, and Hux couldn’t help but feel a little intimidated. He pondered for a moment on how to respond to Ren in this state of mind. 

“Well, apparently after I got injured on your cruiser, I unknowingly had a fractured arm and skull. Two days off was the minimum rest, so I’m not _slacking off_ anymore than I must.” _Was that too snarky?_

“When were you injured?”

_Is he being serious? When did I get injured? Oh, I actually can’t remember. What. A. Tragedy._

“When you threw me into the wall, sir.”

“It wasn’t a hard shove. You should have been fine,” Ren pointed out flatly. 

“Apparently I should’ve. But I wasn’t. I’ll be back at my post tomorrow. Is this all, sir?”

“Don’t get snappy with me, Hux. It isn’t very wise.”

“You should know that the more you throw me around like your personal rag doll, the longer your most competent _General_ will be out of commission,” Hux said, making sure to accentuate his title. 

“I never said I was going to do that.”

Hux stood up. He still had to look up to Kylo, but not nearly as much. Hux wasn’t short, he was just a little under the average height for men, and much taller than the average for his birth sex, but Ren still towered over him. A hulking six feet and three inches. Hux was secretly envious. But who wouldn’t be? Ren was nearly perfect in every way, excluding personality. 

“Is it painful?” Ren asked. 

“I’m taking painkillers,” Hux bluntly replied. 

“That doesn’t answer my question, General.” 

_Ah, back to respecting my meager title again, Ren?_ Hux thought bitterly. _I’m_ nothing _compared to you now. Why even bother, “Supreme Leader”?_ Hux looked to the floor and answered Kylo’s question. 

“Yes, it’s a small bit painful.”

“You’re still to come to work tomorrow. Set another meeting with a medbay droid.”

“That’s the plan,” Hux snapped. “I actually take pride in my work and get it finished, unlike some other people I know.” He couldn’t care less about Ren’s new title now. Disrespect and pity were the two things he couldn’t stand most, and getting both from Ren was painfully laughable. 

“And who is ‘some people’?” Ren demanded, staring down at Hux. 

“You want to know, sir? Is it not blatant already as to who I’m referring?” 

“I’d advise you to watch your tongue, Hux, or there’ll be more than extra work on your plate.”

“Like what? You honestly think I care about your threats? Your new position? Your reign over me? I don’t. I can’t stand you, Ren,” Hux spat, all cards on the table. “You may call yourself Supreme Leader, but know that I’ll never respect you as I did Snoke. Even if you kill me some day, I’ll loathe you in my death.”

Ren was seemingly taken aback for a second time in one meeting. Hux didn’t wear any regret on his face. Only pride, malice, and spite, mixed with his overwhelming contempt for Ren. He would never rule over him, not ever, and Hux needed him to understand that. Get it through his thick skull. 

He stared dead eyed up at Ren. Ren matched his gaze from the wall and slowly grinned, pushing himself up slightly. 

“You’re a bold one, aren’t you, General? If that’s the way you feel then so be it. But,” he added, “know that I don’t trust you either. We had our fun together with Captain Phasma on the Starkiller, but that’s over now. Your creation failed and now you’re nothing. The only way you can compare with me now is if I name you Allegiant General, or make you a part of the Supreme Council, isn’t that right, Hux?”

“...Supreme Council?”

“You’ll find out soon enough. I can’t say this has been an enjoyable chat, with your rampant disrespect.”

Hux went to reply snarkily to Ren but was cut off. He whipped his head to the bathroom when he heard a loud meow echoe from behind the door. Ren looked at it too, puzzled, then he glanced at Hux. Hux pretended to not hear it. 

“Do you have an animal living in here?” Ren asked. 

“You have your force, don’t you? Why not go check for yourself?” he replied. 

Ren huffed and motioned for Hux to open the door. Hux looked away and bit his tongue, going to follow orders. His outburst hadn’t been the best idea, but he didn’t regret it. And now it would be good to listen to what Ren says, as to not upset him more. 

Hux swung open the bathroom door and out came Millicent in all her glory. She shook her tabby fur out and peered up at the strange man in her territory. Ren was taken aback for the third time now.

A cat? Hux had a cat living in his quarters? He looked quizzically at the general and then back to the cat. Hux smiled and used his boot to gently kick her away from Ren, where she was trying to rub her ginger fur on his black outfit. She settled for rubbing on Hux and meowed once again. Hux looked to Kylo. 

“It’s just my cat, Supreme Leader. Not need for alarm, she’s harmless,” he mocked while picking her up with one arm. 

“Why have I never known of it?”

“Because I had no need to tell you, that’s all. It’s not against any rules as long as she stays in my quarters- which she does- so it’s fine.”

Ren was silent. He looked at the feline and cleared his throat.

“What’s its name?” he asked nonchalantly. 

“You really wish to know her name? It’s Millicent. Millicent Hux, if you count last names.”

“How long have you had it here?”

“I can’t remember. Over a year or two I reason. Why?”

“Don’t question me. I’m just surprised you’d decide to own any kind of animal, let alone a cat, with how you are.”

_What the hell does_ that _imply?_

“I suspect you have much important work to be attending to, Supreme Leader,” Hux said. A clear way of not exactly saying “Get out”.

Ren seemed to take the hint, albeit with distain. He turned and exited, the sliding door closing behind him with an audible swish. Hux stood alone in his quarters once again with Millicent sitting on his shoulder. He leaned forward to help her jump off. She went to the bed and started crawling under it, probably looking for a lost toy or treat. 

Hux looked towards the door and sighed. Any meetings with Ren were a chore and an unnecessary stress. And now with Ren abusing his new title, he was somehow even less excited for their numerous rendezvous. Hux leaned back and fell into his chair, suddenly feeling mentally and physically drained.

He ran the conversation through his head again. _Why’d I say that stuff? Kriff, I’m an idiot. I need to earn Ren’s trust to get equal with him again, not show my true feelings. This is my hell._

Hux rested his face on his desk and rubbed his temples. They felt like they had a deep force pushing on them, and it was giving him the beginnings of a headache. He groaned and held his head in a hand. The feeling steadily got worse until he realized it was Ren prying into his head again. That damned force magic. 

He jumped out of his desk and spun around, not knowing how to get Ren out of his head. Was he going to kill him? Nearly kill him? Just make him suffer for talking back? He didn’t know. 

The feeling abruptly stopped after his thoughts were invaded with a voice that wasn’t his. It was Ren’s voice saying:

“If you ever disrespect me like that again then I’ll be sure to demote and kill you without warning, Armitage.”

Hux ran his fingers through his finger hair and glared daggers at the door. _What can I do against him now?_

“Nothing,” he answered for himself. “Nothing at all.”


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s been over a week since Crait and Ren hasn’t shown himself to Hux since their last visit. In that time, Hux’s arm healed enough to be taken out of the sling and he chooses to celebrate with combat training. He lets Dopheld and Phasma come with him for a brawl session.

A week and two days after the battle on Crait, the fracture in Hux’s arm was completely healed. The medical droid in the bay was just excusing him as it threw his sling into the garbage. Hux tentatively flexed his arm and fingers to test them out, relieved to realize they didn’t hurt one bit. The droid took his bottle of painkillers and, seeing it was empty from Hux’s overuse of them, threw it away too. It made some beeps and boops and blips. 

Hux stood and left the room. The painful week of having to work with an ugly blue sling was over. His first day back had been humiliating and awkward for him and everyone else unfortunate enough to be around him, including Phasma. Ren had ignored him and left him alone up until today too. 

The Supreme Leader hadn’t barged into his quarters again, belittled him, pushed him, screwed with him, abused him with the force, or even talked to him in a week. And Hux was grateful for that. He didn’t want to deal with anything Kylo Ren related while he was healing. The droid _had_ said that unnecessary stress was bad. 

He couldn’t help but wonder why though. After their little fight in his quarters, he expected Ren to be more forceful and vulgar than he usually was. But no; nothing. And then there was the malice in his voice when he talked about the so called “Supreme Council”. It was unnatural.

Making his way down the many pathways on the Steadfast, Hux walked with a new vigour in his step. Not noticeable, but still there. The fellow commanders he passed nodded to him, and some glanced at his freshly un-casted arm. Hux payed them with minimal respect. 

He eventually made his way to Phasma’s private quarters by accident, not realizing how far he’d walked. Damn the ships in the First Order were unnecessarily large. He couldn’t even begin to imagine how many credits it cost to build, if they even properly paid for it at all.

The time was late enough that both him and Phasma were be off work. _Dopheld too,_ he thought. Hux twisted his fixed arm once again and then knocked on Phasma’s door. In a few moments she answered. She smiled at him and then looked around curiously. Her helmet was off and her blonde hair had a bounce to it. Hux had always admired its beauty.

“Armitage? What are you doing here?” she asked. 

“I just got my arm fixed, finally. I was wondering if you were up for a bought of combat training? To help me get back into the flow.”

“Armitage Hux wants to challenge _me_ to combat training? Absurd.”

“If you want to then I’ll be in the private training room on level twelve. If you don’t mind, I’d like for Dopheld to join us too.”

“Alright. I’ll head up there after I fetch him,” Phasma agreed. “Combat training will do you and him good since you’re both the frailest men I’ve ever met.”

Hux fake laughed at her. She genuinely laughed back. It was rare for her to let her serious emotions go and be open with someone, especially if they weren’t in her very small circle of companions. But her and Armitage had a long history together, friends since their early twenties, and not to mention their plot together against a Brendol. So it was easier for both of them.

Dopheld Mitaka was still a relatively new face to her, but since Armitage trusted him and treated him like a son, she warmed up to him quickly. He was a lost soul without their guidance. It was a wonder how he even made it to the rank of lieutenant with the way he was. 

Phasma closed the door and Hux started to make his way to their training room. It was specially built for important, high ranking individuals in the First Order, so it didn’t get much use. But it was equipped with high end gear and supplies that most troopers would be jealous of over for a hundred times.

Since it was for the high ranking and persons of importance, Dopheld wouldn’t usually be allowed to even look inside it. Hux might get a laugh out of himself by seeing Dopheld’s presumed paranoid reaction he’d give after Phasma told him the news. He’d always more skittish than most First Order commanders, even more so when Hux had first met him. It only got worse after his incident with Ren.

The training room was close to Phasma’s quarters and it didn’t take much time at all for Hux to get the door unlocked and go inside. The lights were automatic and turned on, giving off their signature low hum. The room was empty like Hux assumed it would be. Most people didn’t want to spend their breaks working up a sweat when they could be resting, and Hux was usually ‘most people’. But today was special since he could go back to work normally now. Maybe that deserved a small celebration. Who knows?

Hux took his gloves and greatcoat off, tossing them on a white bench. His uniform top also came off and left him in his black undershirt; the boots stayed on for grip and friction. He also made sure to gently wrap his knife holsters up in the greatcoat. They were his secret weapon if push ever came to pull. Perfectly concealed and ready to be wiped out with the right flick of the wrist. 

He went over to the collection of weapons that lined the walls. Staffs, blasters, knives, chromium knuckles, and more. He grabbed a medium length staff and twirled it around. It moved smoothly through the air with gentle movements, like a knife through butter. Hux twirled it again and took a jab at nothing. He was surprisingly not too shabby, even after not going in any real combat situations for months. 

His confidence drained when he went to spin the staff around him and accidentally dropped it instead. It didn’t help that at that exact moment, Phasma decided to come in with Dopheld. He quickly snatched the staff up and held it firmly. 

“Starting without us?” Phasma asked. 

“Just warming up. I already know you’ll beat me, but I want to give you at least a little bit of a challenge.”

“I was never the best at using a staff,” Dopheld piped in. “Too long for me.”

“Looks like you two have another thing in common besides being each other’s only other male friend,” Phasma teased. 

They both ignored her statement. She took her helmet and armor off, setting them beside Hux’s belongings, and stretched her back. Dopheld stepped to the side and started looking at the other weapons and targets while Hux and Phasma got ready.

Hux tossed her a staff and she caught it expertly mid air. She twisted it around for a moment and then got into a combat ready position. Hux followed suit while they started to circle each other. Even just a quick glance at them revealed how much stronger she was than him. Where Hux had lean strength, Phasma had biceps and triceps for days. 

“All out or no holding back?” she asked. 

“Those mean the same thing.”

“I know.”

Phasma grinned and took a lunge at him, flicking her staff upwards and towards his own. Hux blocked it and pushed back. Hers wooshed past his head and sprang his hair up with force. Their staffs collided again and again, blocking and attacking and faking out. She got a couple hits in on his ribs and legs, he got much less hits in on her; she was an expert blocker, but even the best can slip up. Meanwhile, Dopheld sat watching them from a bench while he threw balls and darts at paper targets. 

Hux felt his arms start to tire and his hits become less powerful. Phasma on the other hand didn’t relent at all. She never gave Hux a moment to rest in her incessant attacks and jabs and parries. 

But Hux liked the challenge and strived to give her as much of one as he possibly could. Spotting an opening, he quickly dodged to the left and swiped his leg to her knees, knocking her off balance just long enough to swing his staff up and catch below her chin. She froze while Hux crouched low to the floor and grinned up at her. Dopheld whistled. 

“Never give your enemy an opening. I thought you drilled that into your head, Phas,” Hux bloated. 

“You’re right Armitage, never give your enemy an opening!” she barked back. 

Quick as a Jawa went it spotted a droid, she slammed her staff onto Hux’s, forcing it up like a seesaw. It speedily, and quite painfully, hit him square in the nose, knocking him backwards. He tumbled on his feet and fell back when Phasma poked him in the chest. Dopheld hurried to his feet worriedly. Phasma laughed. 

“Hope it didn’t hurt too much,” she teased, leaning on her staff. 

Hux looked up to her and held his hand over his nose, feeling the wet and runny blood dripping from it. He smirked back up at her and rose without any discomfort. She raised an eyebrow and nodded to him. Dopheld still stood with his signature nervous expression plastered on his face. 

“I must have some kind of curse on me,” Hux said. “I just got out of that medical bay and now I already have to back.”

“It’s not that bad, just clean it up with a tissue.”

“Are you okay, Hux?” Dopheld asked him. 

“Of course I am. It’s just a bloody nose. I’ve gotten much worse in the past.”

“Alright.”

“Alright! Ready for round two?” Phasma asked. 

Hux wiped his hand under his nose and stained it with his blood. He was right in saying it wasn’t anything. He _had_ gotten much much worse in the past, either from his father and step-mother, Enric Pryde, or Kylo Ren and Snoke. He nodded to Dopheld. Dopheld perked up straight. 

“Why don’t you go for a round against her?” Hux suggested. “I’m gonna clean myself up before I exact my revenge.”

“Are you sure?” 

“Don’t worry kid. I’ll take it easy on you,” Phasma lied. 

“... Alright.”

Hux turned and went to the bathroom built into the training room, leaving Dopheld to get killed by Phasma. Not entirely literally. 

He turned the sink on and splashed cold water in his face. It felt nice against the low ebbing pain that was starting to emanate from his nose. He wiped the black towel over his face and started rinsing the blood off his lips and hands. 

The water in the sink ran a pale colour of red down the drain until it cleared out. Hux threw the towel in the trash bin and slapped his face. He watched his visage in the mirror and felt oddly disconnected from it. Like it wasn’t really him anymore. It was akin to the feeling he got as a young child when he first noticed all the wrongs of his body. He let his mind wonder why he felt the same feeling again. Maybe it was the stress killing him again.

The past few weeks had been hell. The destruction of the Starkiller- his one piece of work and joy in the First Order- had taken a piece of his heart with it. Watching it implode from the escape ships felt like a punch to the gut. 

Then the shame of being shoved against the floor in front of his colleagues, the false praise from Snoke for his way of tracking the rebels through hyperspace, and the rise of Ren in power came. Not to mention the fractured arm and skull, brain invasion via the force, and increasing run-ins with General Pryde. The past few weeks were a slap against the face indeed. 

Hux glared at himself in the mirror. He couldn’t let his emotions get to him. He was a blank slate, a strong general, an unfeeling, work driven man. Self pity and regret wouldn’t bring him anywhere in life. Spite, jealousy, and ambition were what pushed him to be the best, to rule over the galaxy with no one by his side. He was to be the strongest and stand over the weak; it was his destiny. Or so he told himself since a very young age. 

He gazed at himself for one more moment before opening the door and going back to the others. His companions. Maybe it wouldn’t be bad to have at least them at his side when he became Supreme Leader. 

Hux was greeted with a defeated Dopheld Mitaka laying on the floor, pinned down by Phasma’s staff on his chest. Dopheld’s eyes lit up when he saw Hux standing in the bathroom doorway. He tapped thrice on the floor in a sign of defeat and yanked on the staff to pull himself up. Phasma grinned and threw it in the air, catching it in the other hand. 

“That’s two for two now, boys. Could you at least _try_ and win against me?”

“I _did_ win until you cheated and tried to break my nose,” Hux said snarkily. 

“It’s called playing dirty, not cheating.”

“Well, I won’t lie. I’ll take my defeat with humble humility,” Dopheld said with a bit of a teasing tone. 

“Since when are you a jokester, Dopheld?” Hux asked. 

“Since now I guess.”

“Ha.” he laughed dryly.

Dopheld aimed his staff at Hux and went into a ready position. Hux looked at him with flummox. Phasma tossed him her staff and he awkwardly caught it midair, nearly dropping it. He stood ready and motioned for Dopheld to take the first swing. Phasma watched while she barked moves for them to perform with undignified grace.

——

Millicent meowed and jumped up onto Hux’s chest. He started to absentmindedly pet her fur while he lay in bed, staring at the ceiling.

The combat training with Phasma and Dopheld left him exhausted and drained; but content and calm at the same time. It was a sign that not everything was changing for him. He could still go and hang out with his few companions when he wanted, and he could still be terribly beaten by Phasma in combat. Not everything was changing. But a lot was.

Ren was bound to announce a new Allegiant General soon, now that his position of Supreme Leader had had time to sink in with everyone. Hux bet that most of the closer solar systems already knew. Word spread quicker than you’d expect in space. 

He gave Millicent one last scratch on the ears before pushing her off and rolling to his stomach. His mind swirled with thoughts of the future of the First Order. Ren could either lead it with an iron fist and reinforce its terror, or make it collapse from the inside with his childish ways. Hux knew he was much better suited to the position in nearly every way. If he could use the force like Ren, then maybe he could usurp him and take the position. He inwardly smiled at the pleasant thought. He outwardly smiled when he felt Millicent curl up beside his head on the pillow. 

Ren may be in charge now, but he would be a damned idiot to not name him Allegiant general or Grand Marshal. If he secured one of those positions then he could be nearly equal with him again. He wouldn’t be a general to a king anymore. 

He needed it. Needed the sense of power he got when him and Ren were on even ground. You could almost say he was addicted to it. 

But what he cared about even more was his wish to see Ren humiliated and beaten down. 

He wanted to see Ren lose.


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Today is the day that the new Allegiant General is named and Hux knows his chances of being chosen are slim to none. But still, a man can hope

Hux watched the endless expanse of space go by from where he stood on the Steadfast. It was oddly peaceful for once. No Resistance or Rebel ships, no run ins with Ren in over a week, and no stressful work duties to deal with. It was completely calm and normal, but that was almost a cause for worry itself. Peaceful days never stayed.

With all the previous chaos and mayhem that had riddled the First Order for weeks, it was, frankly, alarming to be back on such a usual and well formed schedule. Confusion had become a new norm, and now that everything was nearly back to how they should be, Hux was left feeling conflicted. 

On one hand, falling back into an orderly routine and going back to normal, back to how things were supposed to be, was heavenly. He could cut down on stress, migraines, and injuries, and even possibly get a healthy amount of sleep.But with the Resistance fleeing and presumably rebuilding their forces- making no trouble at all- Hux was left alone with his thoughts. 

And his thoughts often found themselves drifting to the new Supreme Leader when he wasn’t paying attention. Ren was a nightmare that served only to ruin and shame him. Ren wouldn’t ever be able to live up to Snoke. Ren was a temper tantrum throwing toddler.   
  
So why in Arkanis was he so dedicated to him?

Hux knew he could serve and command the First Order miles better than Kylo Ren would ever hope to. He just needed a chance to do so. A chance to usurp and, possibly, kill Ren where he stood. Oh, that would be nice.

Hux smiled to himself, but it was an empty one. A voice in the back of his head told him that if he killed Ren, he’d soon regret it. At the very least, Ren provided him with entertainment and opportunities to better his scheming brain. If he died, then Hux might go soft. He would surely lose his General’s edge. 

He thought back to how it was almost boring nowadays, not wanting to think of Ren any longer than necessary. He obviously didn’t wish for things to go back to chaos, or to relive that last few weeks again, but he wished _something_ would happen. Maybe even a chance to go back into some real and deadly armed combat in the field. 

Hux cast a glance over to the men and women working on the computers and datapads, totally unaware of his inner conflicts about Ren. The only ones who truly knew of his resentment of Ren (most First Order members had at least a vague idea of the mutual hatred the two men held for each other) were Phasma and Dopheld Mitaka. Hux spared a glance over to where Lieutenant Mitaka sat. 

He was slaving over his work, not a troubling thought in his mind. Hux silently wished he could be as stupid and oblivious as Dopheld. To come in, do his job, and go back to his quarters without the fear of being choked half to death by Ren.

Hux- voluntarily this time- went back to his musings of Ren. He knew that soon, Ren would be appointing a new Allegiant General to work alongside him, like how Ren and him worked under Snoke. 

Allegiant General. Hux wouldn’t mind owning that title. He’d kill for it, honestly. Of course, he wanted the title of Emperor as soon as possible, but for now, Allegiant General didn’t sound so bad. 

But he knew there wasn’t the faintest chance that Ren would appoint him, even if he _hadn’t_ run his mouth at him two weeks prior. Ren didn’t trust him, and Hux didn’t trust him back. They were in a power hungry rivalry for top position for years. It’d been like that from the moment they’d met, back when Hux was only barely a favourite pawn of Snoke’s.

 _Allegiant General… I suspect most of the crew will think I’ll be appointed. But if not me, then who else? No ones near as important as me; I reported directly to Snoke. I should be chosen if Ren doesn’t want the First Order to collapse in on itself before the Resistance does that_ for _it_ , Hux bitterly thought. _But Ren’s a first class idiot. He’ll mess up everything we’ve worked for._

A voice suddenly echoed from over the comm systems, taking Hux out of his anger filled self rant.

It was a woman’s voice that he knew well enough making an announcement. General Amret Engell, a woman who helped Phasma and him command the stormtrooper army, spoke in her smooth and calming tone. Everyone, including Hux, paused their work to listen to her. The comms weren’t often used if there wasn’t a big announcement afterall.   
  


“Attention all First Order crew, attention all First Order crew, this is General Engell. Supreme Leader Ren wishes to announce his Allegiant General. I repeat, Supreme Leader Ren wishes to announce his Allegiant General. The announcement will be made in one half standard hour. Thank you.”

Hux perked up. _Well, speak of the devil. Was Ren waiting for me to aspire for the position before denying me it publicly?_ he thought. 

Some members on board shifted in their seats to look at their colleagues, visibly excited. Most turned towards Hux and he felt the dozens of eyes lock onto him. They knew just as well as him that he was a high- and extremely skilled- contender. He was intelligent, powerful, young, and already closer with Ren than nearly anyone else. They probably thought it was a no-brainer for Hux to be named Allegiant General. If only Ren felt the same.

Adjusting his greatcoat, Hux turned to acknowledge the crew. 

“Well? Get back to work. A message on the comms doesn’t count as a break,” he barked. They all quickly returned to their jobs like scared mice. 

Hux went back to looking out the windows and slaving away on his datapad, but he very well couldn’t concentrate now. In half an hour, less than now, he’d be forced to deal with the mortification of his deserved title being snatched away by some inferior officer. Really, who could do it better than him? He supposed that Phasma was strong and influential enough to do it, but she already had an important job with the stormtroopers. Besides her, no one immediately came to mind. So who?

_General Engell? But then why would she make the announcement if she was just going to be chosen anyways? Kriff!_

Clenching his fist and digging his boots into the ground, Hux worked in agony for the rest of the half hour. He glanced at the time every few minutes out of habit and anticipation.

 _Twenty minutes. Fifteen minutes. Ten minutes. Five minutes. One minute._ Hux both wanted the last minute to never end and be over as soon as possible. It was stressful. Stress wasn’t good. He relaxed his tensed up body when the echo of the comms started up again. Hux waited for the slim to none chance of his name being called to the entirety of the fleet. 

Like he suspected, it never came. 

“... This is Supreme Leader Kylo Ren speaking. I have made the final decisions of naming my Allegiant General. They will be the officer serving next to and with me, aiding me with the fleet and the First Order.” 

The bay was silent. Some officers snuck glances at Hux again, thinking in their minds that he was a reasonable choice. _I am! I’m the_ only _choice that Ren has!_ Hux held his breath. 

“General Enric Pryde will be promoted to Allegiant General as of today. Pay him with great heed.”

The comms shut off. The announcement was over just like that.

The officers mumbled to each other in low whispers. Dopheld looked sympathetically at his friend, wanting to comfort him the best he could. Hux on the other hand, was taking quiet and quick breaths. His mind swirled, his eye twitched, and his fists clenched and unclenched periodically.

 _Enric Pryde. Enric Pryde. Enric…_ Hux willed himself to calm down and get control of his emotions. The mention of Pryde’s name always made him go into the beginnings of an anxious fit, ever since he was a young boy. 

_Pryde. What in the galaxy is Ren thinking?!_ I’m _better in every way compared to that piece of Bantha Fodder!_ Pryde?! _Kriffing hell! I have to answer to him?_ Respect _him? I never have, and I very well won’t be starting now._

Hux tightened his entire body to try and calm his nerves.

Enric Pryde had been a very prominent figure in his early life, all the way up to adulthood. He’d been good friends with his father, Brendol, and even more so with his stepmother, Maratelle. Pryde’s seemingly favourite pastime used to be conspiring with Hux’s parents on the newest and best ways to abuse and belittle him. 

Hux wanted to kill him like he’d killed his father. To intimately watch the life drain from his eyes and revel in the victory and comeuppance. Yes, Armitage Hux would never truly respect the higher ups in the First Order ever again. Ren and Pryde. It was a waking nightmare. 

And it was too much. He couldn’t hold his anger, his raw ire and rage in any longer. He just needed a quick break. A break, yes. A break to clear his head and get out his frustrations and fear about Pryde. Fear. He would never admit it, but Enric Pryde could still spark a deep, unrelenting fear in him. He could hide it extremely well, but it was always there. Lurking.

Hux turned and caught a glance from Dopheld. He tensely nodded back and went to take his short leave. Or better yet, he could take the whole rest of his shift off. There was only one and a quarter standard hours left of it anyways.

That’d show them. Clocking out early.

Yeah right. 

But Hux did it anyways.

He left, making a mental note to notify Dopheld to clock him out, and made his way to his quarters. There, he could vent his frustrations all he wanted with only the watchful eye of Millicent on him. 

The stormtroopers and officers in the hallways gave him the respect he deserved. Some gave him pitying glances- _the nerve!-_ some gave him the standard nod, and some ignored him completely. That was fine by him now. He just needed to get to his quarters as soon as possible. He didn’t want to hold his emotions in any longer. 

In his absentmindedness, he failed to notice a cleaning droid making its way down the hallway towards him. It rolled over his boot and beeped up at him. Hux glared down at it and, seeing that there was no one near him, promptly smashed it repeatedly with his foot until it was a mess of bolts and scrap metal. It gave a “sad” power down chirp before dying in the fake way that droids did. 

Hux kept taking his anger out on it and kicked its metal corpse across the hall. The screech it made annoyed him. He angrily scowled at it before making a fist and slamming his hand into the lighting behind him. All it did was hurt his fingers, but it helped him emotionally. 

He finished making it to his quarters after his outburst and quickly closed the sliding doors behind him. 

Millicent meowed at him when he came in. He almost started venting to her before he caught sight of the person standing in his kitchenette, inspecting it. Hux felt the anger come back to him. He went over, making sure his boots made loud bangs on the floor, and flipped the man around to face him. His anger subsided when he saw who it was. He let go of the man's shoulder and backed up. 

“General Pryde,” he mumbled. “What are you doing in my quarters?” 

“It’s Allegiant General now, Armitage. I’ve actually known of my position since yesterday, _and_ I heard you’d come stomping back to your room after hearing the announcement so I saw it fit to greet you,” Pryde said smoothly, _scarily._ “How have you been as of late? I heard your arms been healed for about a week now. Does it hurt at all?”

“It’s… fine, Allegiant General. It hasn’t hurt for a few days now.”

“Well, isn’t that good? Wouldn't want a strong General like you to be weakened by pain, now would we?”

Hux stiffened. “Why are you _really_ here?” he questioned. 

“Ah, just as observant as I remembered you were. Really, how long has it been since we’ve had a nice and simple chat like this outside of work?”

“Not long enough,” Hux said. 

“No need to be harsh. I enjoy conversing with you, Armitage. I got to watch you grow up into a fine young general. Though, I can’t say I expected you to become the man you are along the way.”

Hux didn’t answer. Pryde knowing about his childhood was one of the many reasons he wanted him dead. Especially now that he was Allegiant General and could directly speak to Ren whenever he wanted. Pryde could spill Hux’s deepest secret whenever he felt like it, and Hux felt like he would stoop as low as to use it as blackmail. Pryde smiled at him. Hux made himself taller. 

“I know you wanted my new position,” Pryde started, “and in reality, who wouldn’t? I’m currently the most powerful commanding officer in the entire First Order. You’ve always been the power hungry type, haven’t you, Hux?” 

“Of course I wanted your position. I want my power back, like any sane man would.”

“Ah, well the only way you can get a glimpse of that kind of power you crave now is by getting appointed onto the Supreme Council. But with the way you are, I doubt that would ever happen.”

Pryde brought his hand up and patted Hux’s ginger hair, running his hands through it like you would for a fluffy Loth-Cat. Hux stood in disbelief and stared up at Pryde, wanting to punch the man in his smug face. Pryde moved his hand to roughly pat Hux on his shoulder, nearly causing him to tumble into the wall, and smiled again. 

“I wish you good luck in getting on the Council, Armitage. It would be entertaining to have you serve alongside me,” he said with a faint mocking tone. “Why not get back to your post though? You _are_ a very important General, aren’t you? Oh, and since when did you get such a cute cat?” 

And with that, Pryde left the room without another word. Hux stood still for a while,just processing. He didn’t know what to do. There were a flurry of emotions and thoughts running through his mind that made it impossible to focus. 

Pryde. Ren. The Supreme Council. They raked his thoughts.

Millicent helped ground him in reality again when she rubbed against his legs. Hux looked down at her and took frequent deep breaths. She meowed at him and he groaned out loud in response. He should be able to focus on singular tasks.

The first thing he did was fix his hair after rubbing over all the places Pryde had touched. He ran his hand over his shoulder too, to get the feeling of Pryde’s touch off of him. It was something he’d done for a while. He’d always been a bit averse to human contact if he didn’t initiate it.

Hux leaned against the wall of his kitchenette and slid down until he sat on the floor. He wouldn’t go back to his post just yet. Pryde wouldn’t get the pleasure of bossing him around. 

He grabbed Millicent and pulled her into his lap. She happily curled up in it after bumping her nose against his face. Hux let out a shaky laugh. 

“Well Millicent, I think this is a turning point for me. And not a good one,” he complained. “Kriff, I can’t _stand_ seeing Pryde! He’ll be the death of me, I swear!” 

Hux realized he was ranting to his cat and sighed. He started to pet her fur and look forwards. He’d go back to work in a short while. As much as he didn’t want to admit the idea, Pryde was right. 

“Ren must be a bigger scum drained lasberbrain than I thought he was if he thinks Pryde can do _any_ job better than me,” he said to himself aloud. “ _Good luck in getting on the Council…_ like I need luck.”

Hux sighed and went back to his post, cringing when he passed the broken cleaner droid in the hallway. Maybe he needed a better way to vent his anger that didn’t involve destruction of First Order property. 

Maybe. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *kills Enric Pryde *


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lmao Hux hates Kylo’s entire being

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kylo makes his return in all his glory! Hux experiences many micro aggressions! Hux experiences a macro aggression! What will happen next???  
> :/

It seemed that in the end, General Hux didn’t need Pryde’s luck after all. Only a few agonizing days later (Pryde made sure to rub his new position all over and in Hux’s face, thus causing the agony) and he was named a member of Ren’s new Supreme Council. Needless to say, he was stunned and hit with mixed emotions. Joy, disbelief, and suspicion all burst into him when he first heard the good news from Admiral Griss. 

He was eternally grateful to be apart of the Supreme Council, as it gave him a chance to hold onto his power for longer, _and_ to keep an eye on Ren. Hux didn’t know if he’d ever be able to fully trust him. And with the way things were escalating, it seemed that fact would never change.

Still, he couldn’t stop the gnawing confusion and skepticism that grew inside him. _Ren doesn’t have a sliver of faith in me so why even consider me for the Council?_ he would now often wonder to himself. _Pryde doesn’t care for me either, and most of the Council’s other members probably don’t either. I stick out like a dirty bactapatch. Is it all to humiliate me?_

Hux currently sat in his seat at a round, long table in a room near Kylo Ren’s quarters. It was the room where the first, and the future, Supreme Council meetings would be held. Hux quickly glanced over the other members. 

There were five in total, seven counting him and Ren. General Quinn, General Parnadee, General Engell, Admiral Griss, and, of course, Allegiant General Pryde. It was obvious now that Hux thought about it; Pryde being on the Supreme Council, given he was so important to Ren now. He still didn’t consider him to be here though. It was an unpleasant surprise to be sure. He’d secretly been hoping that Pryde would be “too important” for meetings.

So here Hux was, waiting for Ren to show his stupid, repulsive face. 

No one else paid him any mind, save for General Parnadee who gave him a low nod when he looked at her. At least _someone_ wasn’t treating him like trash. 

Pryde was sitting next to Admiral Griss, whispering up a storm. _Are they talking about me?_ Generals Quinn and Engell were both silent and calm, respectful and patient. Hux was jumpy and anxious and spiteful. He willed himself to calm down. But it was too late now. 

Here came the party. 

Ren strode into the room with his long, black hair bouncing behind him, accompanied by two normal stormtroopers. He took his seat at the head at the table, _Of course he needs the best seat in the house_ , and rested his arms up on the edge. He ran his flat and terrifying gaze over everyone. 

The members of the Supreme Council all fell silent and gave him respectful nods, even Hux, though out of pure formality and not will. Obviously. Ren rested his eyes a little longer on Hux than the others- something that Hux definetly took notice of- and took his seat. His stormtrooper guards turned around to wait outside the door for their master. 

The room was caught in an above awkward silence until Ren addressed everyone. 

“I’m glad you could all attend this meeting today, with your busy schedules and important jobs. Being on the Supreme Council is a high prestige that I hope you all take seriously,” he said formally, obviously reading from a script someone else wrote for him with blatant awkwardness. “I hand picked all six of you because I believed you were well suited to being on the Council due to your work and experiences... Do you have any off the bat questions?” 

“What exactly is the main purpose of this Council, sir?” 

“To aid in the building of the future of the First Order, General Quinn. I came to the conclusion that a small board of high ranking individuals could help employee regime and galactic control. It’s better than a total totalitarian power as we... used to have.”

“Well I think this is a wonderful idea, Supreme Leader,” Pryde said. A murmur of agreement rung out through the room. Hux looked down at his hands that rested on the desk. 

“I second that,” agreed General Parnadee. 

Hux observed the table talk about the fundamentals of the new Supreme Council without putting a word in himself. It was good to stay silent and watch sometimes; take in as much information as possible to use later. He made sure to add an agreeing nod or a soft grunt when needed, as to not seem brain dead and uninterested. Hux found out through his five minute detective work that Admiral Griss was also a quiet type, General Parnadee was very agreeable and a people pleaser, Generals Engell and Quinn were boring and nearly indistinguishable, and Pryde was still worthless and unneeded. He also realized that Ren was being more patient and… considerate? than usual.

Hux didn’t know if he liked that. 

He perked up and focused his attention on Ren, as did the rest of the table. The Supreme Leader had cleared his throat, a universal sign of getting the attention on the room, and waited for complete silence. Hux fidgeted his feet a bit in his seat. 

“This first meeting isn't just for clarity purposes,” Ren started, scanning his stare over the entire table. “It’s been over three weeks since the battle of Crait. That's more than enough time for the rebels to regather their forces and settle down in a base on some remote outer rim planet. We need a clear and precise plan to catch them. General Engell, you already assist Captain Phasma and General Hux with the stormtrooper regime. How are the forces numbers looking?” 

Hux was a little surprised to hear Ren, or anyone, acknowledge him. He sat a little taller and decided to be a little more involved with the conversations. If he did, then maybe Ren and the others would respect him more. 

“The forces are strong, but still much lower than usual due to our recent large casualties,” General Engell explained. “Our training is still more than efficient, but I believe it wouldn’t be a bad thought to find more children to join the legions.”

“And how do you suggest we go about it?”

“I can talk directly with Captain Phasma and discuss it with her, if you would like, Supreme Leader.”

“Alright,” Ren said. “Admiral Griss, I want you and Allegiant General Pryde to look over and review the First Order Navy forces and report back to me by tomorrow. I want to know our numbers, budget, and weapons.”

“It won’t be a problem, Supreme Leader,” Pryde purred with a smile. 

_What a pretentious, flea brained nerf-herder,_ Hux angrily cursed. _And I suppose I don’t do anything? I stay acting as both General and ragdoll for Ren to throw around as he pleases? Makes sense._ Hux watched Ren closely, studying his every move like he was a schoolboy at the zoo. Ren didn’t seem to notice, and changed the subject of conversation. 

“There’s a girl in the Rebellion who’s as dangerous as she is powerful. Rey, the last living Jedi,” he spat bitterly. “If any of you ever find out any possible information regarding her location or powers, inform me at once. She is not to be taken lightly.”

The Supreme Council nodded. 

Hux knew Rey as the girl who killed Snoke and threw his career trajectory completely off track. She’d inadvertently ruined his life and let Ren become Supreme Leader, and for that, he hated her without even meeting her. And the Jedi…

The only information he knew about that ancient religion came from Kylo Ren, and he wasn’t even a real Jedi anymore. From what he learned, the force apparently only existed to hurt or humiliate him and nothing more.

He bit the inside of his mouth and swallowed his saliva. The meeting would be over soon and he hadn’t even said a single meaningful word. No one had addressed him at all, and he’d only gotten mild acknowledgement from a few. Usually that would be because they feared and respected him, but he could easily assume that it wasn’t true for this situation.   
  


“Rey was trained by Luke Skywalker, making her extremely dangerous. Be sure to find the Rebellion, because where they are, she will be close by. That is all for this meeting,” Ren said, then he quickly added, as if it were a side note, “General Hux, stay here. I have a private message for you.”

_Oh?_ Oh. _Private message... What the kriffing hell does that mean? Private?_

Hux sat there in silent shock, trying to ignore the heads that turned toward him and stared. Ren dismissed the other council members with a wave of his hand. They left without a word, respectfully and silently, probably thinking of expletives about him. Hux could have sworn he saw Pryde shoot him a teasing smirk. If he did then Hux was going to strangle him. 

He probably would even if Pryde didn’t look at him. He wanted to strangle Ren, too.

He wanted to strangle a lot of people now. 

Hux stayed in his seat, alone in a room with only his arch-enemy to keep him company. His arch-enemy who was now miles more powerful than he would or could ever be. 

He directed his gaze to Ren, burying his self doubts and rising emotions. He felt anxious and pissed off at the same time and he didn’t know which would burst out first. Ren looked back at him and motioned for Hux to stand up. They both did. Hux watched him warily as he always did. Ren did the same. 

“What do you need of me, Supreme Leader?”

“You don’t like calling me that. Why even bother?” Ren asked, leaning back on his seat. 

“Because of formalities, sir. I have the… utmost respect for you, Supreme Leader,” Hux whispered. _Yeah, like he’d believe that in a hundred parsecs._

“Respect, huh? Then you certainly have an odd way of showing it to me. Enlighten me, General. Is this the kind of respect they taught you on Arkanis?”

“I will be happy to work on my behaviour if you would like, Supreme Leader.”

“What was Arkanis like? I’ve heard it’s a dreary place. Always raining and dark and wet.”

Hux took a moment to reply. This wasn’t going in the way he thought it would. Not at all. Was Ren toying with him? Edging him on? Trying to find a weakness to exploit later? He didn’t know.

Ren’s piercing stare didn’t let up, and it certainly didn’t help Hux think. Arkanis. It had been quite a while since he was there last, but he could never forget the awful weather. It was true what he said. It was always dreary and sad.

Hux looked straight into Ren’s eyes and rested his chin in his palm. 

“There was a heavy downpour at least twice or more a week, and the rest of the time it was either drizzling or sprinkling. And even on the rare days that the sun came out it was still damp and spitting,” Hux explained, falling into the memories of his early childhood. The good and the bad. 

“Sounds terrible,” Kylo sympathized. “Where I grew up, it was sunny and gorgeous all the time. Lots of smooth seas and cities to explore. I couldn’t imagine growing up on Arkanis.”

“With all due respect, sir, I only lived on Arkanis for a few years before my father brought me to the First Order… and you were a prince, so I wouldn’t doubt you had a good childhood.”

“Hux,” Ren said suddenly, “do you want to know why I kept you behind?”

“To shame me?”

“Funny. But no, it’s actually to tell you some very important information that pertains directly to you. Any idea what it could be?”

_I know he’s teasing me. He’s edging me on until I finally snap and then he’ll kill me and humiliate me. I know it._ Hux swallowed and fought his will to avert his eyes. He didn’t want to show any weakness or fear around Kylo. He knew that man would use anything he could against him. 

Kylo smiled and patiently waited for Hux to take a guess. He stared dead on toward his General, barely ever moving his brown eyes elsewhere. It made Hux more intimidated than he’d ever admit. Kylo had the force, he probably already knew how he felt towards him. Hux clenched his fingers on his cheek and replied evenly, not letting his voice waver or wobble. 

“I haven’t the faintest clue, Supreme Leader.”

“I wanted to tell you myself anyways. I’ve been wanting to for a while now,” he said, standing up and gesturing for Hux to come towards him. 

Hux paused. He slowly got up out of his seat, his legs feeling a bit like the inside of a Bacta-Tank, and pushed his chair in. It made an annoying sound as it dragged on the polished back floor. Hux stood still behind his chair a little longer than he should have. He didn’t want to get closer to Kylo, not figuratively or literally, but he didn’t have much of a choice.

The sound of Kylo’s leather gloves twitching made Hux inwardly cringe. He swallowed his emotions and went to stand face to face with Ren. Face to face with himself looking up due to Ren’s ridiculous height, of course. 

Ren himself had gone from smiling warmly with hidden malice and contempt to flat frowning. Hux looked back up with no visible emotions. His arms were behind his back and his hands were ready to activate his hidden dagger sheaths if need be. 

“I have to warn you, it’s not exactly good news on your part,” he said. “But I’m sure you don’t mind, right General? You always spring back up from negative situations.” 

“I suppose I do, sir. What is the information?” 

“So glad you asked,” Kylo grinned. 

Swiftly stepping forwards and tripping Hux backwards, Kylo used the force to his advantage to pin Hux’s back flat on the desk. He hit it with an audible thud that made him gasp and wrench forwards painfully. Hux glared at Ren and struggled against his invisible binds. Ren looked down at him, unreadable.

“There’s that fire in your eyes. I’ve always known you to never fully bow down, not even to Snoke or me,” Kylo said. “And that’s why I can’t trust you as of now.”

“Tr-ust me?” Hux sputtered out, his pride betraying him. “So you really _do_ plan to kill me then?”

“Of course not. You’re one of the best Generals in the First Order after all. It wouldn’t be a wise move as Supreme Leader for me to make. No, I won’t kill you, Hux. And I won’t demote you either. Not considerably, at least.”

“Consid-”

“ _Shut up._ You’ll still keep your shitty rank and name, but you’ll never have the same power that you used to have _ever_ again. You’re just for show now. A fancy man for others to look at and fawn over. Didn’t you notice how my Supreme Council didn’t even want to address you? You must have, with how smart you are. You know why? Don’t worry, you have permission to speak.”

“You must have already told them, didn’t you Ren?” Hux spat angrily. “I’m the best General in this entire fleet! I’m not to be reduced to some _plaything_ because you will it. I’m respected!” 

“Don’t threaten me, Hux. We aren’t on even ground anymore. We’re leagues apart, and you can never catch up. I can’t keep my wishful murderer around me, can I?” Ren said wistfully. “I’ve known for quite a long time that you want to kill me. I want to kill you too.”

“Then get in line. There’s legions of men who want me dead, so don’t even _try_ to act like you’re the first one.”

“Oh, Hux, there’s no need to act tough with me,” Ren whispered, lessening the force that held Hux’s struggling body down. “I know that if I leave it all at this then there’s a high chance you’ll get someone to assassinate me. It’s just common sense. So, if you’d like to discuss… _options_ concerning your title, then I’d be more than happy to comply. Would you? I doubt you want to remain a General with zero power, right?” 

Hux jumped back on the table as soon as he could and quickly made distance between him and Kylo. He stood a farther distance than before, and he braced his body for a second impact. His arms also stood raised and ready to eject his daggers. Ren watched him. Hux glared. 

He considered Ren’s offer. If he was serious, then maybe Hux could still have power. As it stood now, he was keeping his title in a sham with no competence or control. He wasn’t one to trust Ren in the slightest, not from the moment they’d met, but maybe this time he should. _Are we discussing now? Right after you threw me into the table and fresh after you demoted me? Fuck you Ren. Fuck you._

“I can hear you,” Ren said angrily. 

“That’s the point.”

“So do you want to have a friendly conversation like adults, or do you want to do nothing and die as nothing?”

“When would we talk? Certainly not now,” Hux uttered with authority. 

“Certainly. We’d have our own private chat in my throne room. Two days time. If you want to then we can come to an agreement, a truce if you will, and you can keep your power. Or at least an illusion of it,” Ren explained harshly. 

“Fine. It’s not like I have any other apparent options anyways,” Hux said indignantly. 

What Hux really wanted to do was go up and beat the living daylights out of Ren and his smug aura. This entire day had been hell. From Pryde’s entire being, to the idiotic Supreme Council members, and Ren’s abuse, Hux’s evening was shaping up to be the worst one yet. He hated the way he instinctively flinched when Ren straightened his back and smirked down at him. _Kriff, who gave him the right to be so tall?_

“Good. Very good, Hux. I’ll make sure the elevator is open to you, so don’t worry about needing to ring any important Council members to help you up. I’ll see you then?”

“I guess you shall, Ren,” Hux muttered bitterly, balling his fists up tight. _I_ am _important! Far more than anyone else._

Ren gave him one last glance over before he exited the room and left Hux alone. Finally, he was alone. 

Hux let his jelly legs collapse and he crashed to the ground. He sat against a chair on the floor and let the conversation ring through his head, trying to process it all. Why would Ren tell him he was demoted and then give him a chance to change it? Was he just trying to fuck with his head? Give him false hope? _Toy with me?_

Hux violently kicked one of the chairs in front of him with his boot. He still sat on the floor, thinking of strategies to use against Ren in two days time. Two days. That wasn’t long at all to prepare. And yet, two days of not knowing his career’s future was torture. Ren was trying to torture him. 

Hux was surely going to kill him. 


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The meeting between Ren and Hux takes place today and Hux has more than a few demands. Ren listens intently, but the meeting quickly goes south.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kylo is a little loser and that’s his whole bit!!!

The Knights of Ren, as Hux soon found out, were more trouble than they were worth.

They did nothing but frighten him on his way to work, drag mud and dirt into the shiny hallway floors, and give Ren an ego boost. Like he needed another one of those. An entire army named after him that worked for him like he was a cult leader? It was just too much. Sure they were excellent fighters and could kill even a child without hesitation, but did they have to be so annoying? Hux would have kicked them all in the trash compactor if he wasn’t distracted by his meeting with Supreme Leader. 

It was today, and the Knights of Ren were the last thing he needed bothering his mind. He needed to concentrate on not losing his power against Ren the human, not what he’d do at his next run in with the soulie squad. Were those scary knights human or just ugly ghoulies? Frankly, he didn’t really want to find out. 

Hux was currently making his way to the Supreme Leader’s throne room. The thought that the room belonged to Snoke almost a month ago gave him an odd feeling in his stomach. A feeling of longing and pain. Sure, Snoke wasn’t any much better to him than Ren was right now, but there was less sting in the insults. Less punch behind the abuse.

Hux hadn’t known Snoke, hadn’t formed a relationship with him. He’d known Kylo for a long while before today and he figured that’s what made it worse now. That intimate and terrible connection they had.

Was he was avoiding the problem at hand again? _Focus on your meeting with Ren! Kriff!_

Hux cursed himself out and slapped his face with a gloved hand. It made a small, crisp sound. He remembered what Ren had proposed to him. A truce of some sorts. A way to keep the illusion of his former power without losing it completely along the way. It wasn’t what he wanted, but maybe he could get Ren to budge in his direction. _Am I stupid? There’s no way that a bantha-brain like Ren would ever be smart enough to know the right thing to do._

The elevator to the Supreme Leader’s room stood in front of Hux. It was almost intimidating in a sense. It led either to his despair or his death, and he favoured neither of them. He wasn’t even sure what he’d find up there with Kylo. Maybe new guards, or a still broken room, or maybe there’d be only Kylo and Kylo alone. Hux didn’t fancy the idea of them being in the same room together, no matter how big or grand it was.

A room was a battlefield when your self imposed enemy was in it. Is that how his father said the saying went? Nevertheless, Hux stood in front of the elevator for a solid three minutes before working up the courage he needed to open it and step inside. 

The elevator was the same as before, it hadn’t changed, aside from a light mechanical repair due to an outburst... Maybe it was a sign that Snoke’s room hadn’t changed either. If it was the same as before then Hux could be a little more at ease. He didn’t take change well, a bad flaw when time is ever flowing and inevitably brings about change. Things were changing too fast for him to handle. Everything was changing.

It wasn’t good.

The elevator stopped at the throne room and opened its ever concealing doors. Hux wished for them to close again so he wouldn’t have to show his face, so Kylo wouldn’t have to see him, and he didn’t have to be here. But they opened anyways and forced Hux to step outside, lest he look like an idiot.

He immediately saw Ren sitting in his new throne, sprawled out like he owned the place without a twinge of grace. It made Hux feel bitter and envious. He clenched his fist and focused on the squeaking sound it made. The throne room was almost the exact same, save for the guards that used to line the pathway up towards the throne. They were gone. Killed. 

Ren noticed Hux and stood up gracefully, a grin of his face. Hux made himself look taller and walked over. He wouldn’t be intimidated by a child playing make believe. Ren could try if he wished. 

“General Hux, I’m glad you could make it,” he greeted, obviously not truly being sincere. “There’s nowhere to be on even ground here, so just sit beside me on the steps. We can be more equal that way.”

“I appreciate it, Supreme Leader,” Hux replied slowly, sitting down a few feet away.

“Does it make you feel more at ease? Calmer? Less paranoid in a sense?”

“I suppose so, Supreme Leader.”

“Don’t bother with titles or you’ll be saying it all day,” Kylo said. “Just for this meeting, Ren will be sufficient. But don’t get the idea that you can call me Ren whenever you want anymore.” 

Hux glanced at him warily before speaking. “Alright, Ren.” 

He didn’t know what to do with his hands. Ren looked comfortable enough, or as comfortable as you can be while sitting on the steps that led to your throne with your recently life long enemy. A throne you knew said life long enemy wanted dearly. Hux gave Ren another once over and analyzed his body language. _He’s trying to seem friendly and approachable so he can lure me in. He’ll do this little_ act _until I’m subdued enough that he can strike. Nice try, Ren._

Ren smiled coldly at him. Hux sneered back and rested his chin in his hand. He kicked his boots out and sat in a way that conveyed he wasn’t worried in the slightest. Ren seemed quizzical. 

“So, Hux, what do you want?” he asked while looking straight at him. 

“Out of this meeting, or out of life in general?”

“Why not tell me both?”

“Fine by me,” Hux said. “Firstly, I want all of my power and rights back, for no one to know of this arrangement, and for your idiotic Knights of Ren to leave me the hell alone. I swear it’s like you make them watch over me as if I’m a child in need of a babysitter!”

“That’s a lot of demands, Hux. It hardly seems fair.”

”Nothing is fair in life.”

Kylo almost seemed like he wanted to laugh at that. “Well, what do you want out of your life?” he asked.

“I want something I can’t safely disclose with you, that’s what.”

“Sounds interesting. Is it to defect to the rebellion? A girlfriend? My position? Me dead? Does it involve me at all, or does it involve someone else entirely?” Ren asked wildly, obviously wanting to edge the General on. Hux didn’t answer him. 

“What about you, Ren? You must want something out of it this little meeting you’ve set up. What is it?”

“You’re avoiding the question.”

“As are you.”

“I asked you first.”

“I asked you second.”

“I’m the Supreme Leader.”

“I thought we were equal here, Ren. We’re sitting on even ground, as you said,” Hux pointed out, a little warily as to not upset Ren, but still with that spark of defiance that he wore so well. 

Kylo looked back at him with a bit of evident wonder. “I like how you’re bold if given the chance, Hux. You have the ability to do great things, but you always wait until the optimal time when you could just do it whenever. Why is that? Why wait when you can act?”

“Patience is key for life. If you act on first impulse then you’ll eventually fuck it up for everyone including yourself,” Hux said matter of factly. 

“Do you really think that?”

“I do.”

“I suppose it makes sense, considering your character. Ever the schemer,” Kylo said with a scoff. He suddenly got serious again. “Are you sure of your demands to me? They’re very harsh.”

“They’re very _lenient._ There’s more things I want- things I _deserve_ , but I’ve cut them out to be more considerate towards you.”

“Deserve?”

“I serve the First Order better than anyone else. I’ll defend it until I die, and my legacy was going to live on forever too. That was until the Rebellion blew up my Starkiller…” Hux looked to the side and scowled. “I serve this place with all of my passion. Meanwhile you just came in and threw a few things around with your magic force bullshit and became Snoke’s favourite little pet just like that. It’s upsetting.”

“I wasn’t Snoke’s pet,” Kylo spat angrily, “and neither were you. We both always planned on over throwing him eventually.”

“But _you_ weren’t supposed to do it without me!” Hux bursted out, standing up while glaring daggers down at Kylo. “Now you took his spot and kicked me to the curb. I’m nothing now! All thanks to you, Ren.”

Kylo stood up and towered over Hux. He was angry, and getting to his boiling point. Stars, he was easy to piss off. Hux kept glaring at him, not loosening his power over the situation. He wanted Kylo to feel as intimidated as he himself usually was nowadays. 

“No comment back, Ren? Kriff, you’re a child,” Hux all but snarled. “I deserve all my previous powers back. I want every officer to tremble at my presence as they do yours. I want to be on even ground with you again. You could never command this place as well as I could! You couldn’t even kill Snoke. You needed that rebel girl to do it _for_ you!”

Well, that was the nail in the metaphorical coffin.

Kylo didn’t reply and instead used the force to throw Hux into the throne with a swing of his arm. Hux hit the back of the chair hard. He felt the air leave his lungs in a pitiful groan, heard the slam his back made against the hard chair, saw Ren stalk over towards him. Hux shook his head and held back his whine of pain when he pushed his body forwards. Ren didn’t seem to like that and used his boot to viciously kick Hux back into the seat. Hux coughed and looked up at his assailant.

He had a feeling that the meeting would go this way.

Just not this soon. 

Maybe it was his fault. He _had_ gotten snappy with the Supreme Leader.

No.

Hux held his head proud and didn’t back down to the sight of Ren at his worst. He could throw him around all he likes; his spirit wouldn’t break. Ren scowled down, Hux scowled up. The Supreme Leader smiled almost sadistically and propped himself up with the arms of the throne, leaving Hux no escape lest he want to push him out of the way. Hux tucked his legs in, ready to kick his way out if he had to. 

“Look now, General. You’re seated in the glory of the throne belonging to the Supreme Leader. Is this what you want? Do you think I would ever give it up to a coward like you?” 

“Supreme Leader is a pretentious title at best. I was perfectly set on the course of Grand Marshal, Emperor, or hell, even fucking Allegiant General. But you don’t seem to trust me enough to give my leash any slag, huh Ren?” Hux hissed. 

Ren lifted one of his arms the same way he always did when he was about to use the force. Usually inappropriately or harmingly against Hux.

Hux, knowing this, instinctively flinched away from Ren and covered his throat. He kept his eyes open and unafraid, but his body depicted the fear within. Genuine fear that he didn’t experience often. Ren kept his hand hovered. A small grin was spreading across his face, a dark and twisted grin that Hux didn’t like. He braced himself for the feeling of phantom hands squeezing around his throat, but the feeling never came. He kept his arms braced but relaxed the rest of his body. 

“You look terrified,” Kylo pointed out. 

“I’m not,” Hux said back. 

“You _feel_ terrified. I can sense it.”

“Get out of my head, Ren. I don’t exactly appreciate you poking around in my thoughts.”

“I don’t even need to use the force to see just how scared you are. It’s all obvious in your body language. Are you scared of me, or what I could do to you?”

“I’m not scared of anything, much less a child pretending to be a man,” Hux spat with venom in his tone. 

“Are you scared because I threw you? That’s laughable.” 

“Pain is a natural bringer of terror, that’s just it…” Hux trailed off. 

“If you started listening to me then it wouldn’t happen. It’s all part of training you in the art of respect. I’m the Supreme Leader, and you’re a megar General. That’s it,” Ren cooed. Hux looked down at Ren’s chest to avoid eye contact. “But you could be more. More than a General to me. Do you want that, Hux?”

“How?”

“Pledge your unyielding loyalty to me and only me. I already know you hate me and plan to kill me. That mindset will only ever get you so far. But if you listen to me and give me your loyalty, you can become something more than you are now,” Ren explained. “ _I can make it all better_.” 

Hux felt his breathing hitch. He kept staring forwards at Ren’s torso, not being able to think of the right words to reply to him. _Pledge your undying loyalty… to Ren. He wants me to be loyal to him. Like I haven’t already been._ Hux fumbled on his words. He was still being impromptu pinned to the throne by Ren, and it wasn’t exactly helping him concentrate. _Wouldn’t this be an odd scene for a trooper to walk into? The mighty General Hux reduced to a confused mess by Kylo Ren._

Hux _really_ felt his breathing hitch when Ren started choking him. It was lightly at first, a tickle against his throat, but quickly divulged into torture. He sputtered for air and felt his body being lifted out of the throne and to the empty space of the room. He was dropped to the floor on his stomach, landing on his hands to support himself. Hux gasped for air that wouldn’t come until Ren loosened the grip and let life fill Hux’s lungs.

He coughed on the floor, taking in deep breaths over and over again until his head stopped feeling so light and spinny. Really, his body should be used to this kind of stuff by now. 

Hux- unproudly- flinched when he heard the telltale ignition of Ren’s lightsaber. The jagged red light beam stopped mere centimetres from his face. He could even feel the heat that emitted from it, and the sound of loud idle humming mixed with crackles filled his ears.

The sight of Ren towering over him again filled his eyes. He was painfully brought up again by the force and made to kneel on the floor, the ultimate act of submission. He didn’t try to move his limbs. Hux glared up at Ren and mustered up all the courage he could with a deadly weapon mere centimetres away from him. All it would take to kill him was a twitch from Ren. 

“Will you pledge loyalty not only to me as Supreme Leader, but to me as Kylo Ren?” he asked. 

Hux looked to the lightsaber at his side and then back to Ren. He worked up an idea in his scheming brain and inwardly smiled. He knew how to regain some control of the situation, as much as he could without pissing off Ren more than he had to. 

Hux held his breath and looked straight up at Ren, unflinching and unafraid. Ren didn’t seem affected. Hux smirked at him and gently tilted his head to the side until the tips of his hair were singed by the saber. They both heard the hiss that came from the burning hairs. Ren seemed confused and more importantly, surprised about this, and he pulled back the weapon. Hux kept grinning up at him and cocked an eyebrow. 

“Are you scared of me, Ren?” Hux questioned.

“You’re projecting your own fear of me _onto_ me as a coping mechanism. Why would I be scared of you?”

“Because I’m powerful even as a General with no rights. I have my connections, I have my intelligence, and I have my will. Face it, Ren, I’m not powerful in your traditional sense, but I’m undeniably more powerful than you in another sense. A practical sense.”

“Are you now?”

“I am.”

“Well all I see is a terrified General overcompensating himself, hoping to gain an edge over me,” Ren said, unigniting his lightsaber. 

Ren grabbed Hux’s hair and balled it in his fist. It stung. Hux took a sharp breath and looked unfazed at Ren. His face was suddenly, and very roughly, slammed into the ground and landed on Ren’s polished boot. Hux groaned and felt a wound open on his forehead alongside his no doubt bleeding nose.

His blood stained Ren’s polished boots. It gave him a small sense of pride to dirty them with his own blood. Ren sneered at him while dropping his hair and stepping back. Hux quickly pushed himself to his legs and forced himself to ignore the cut on his forehead. It wasn’t even that bad when compared to his numerous other cuts and bruises, mostly from Ren. 

They stared at each other. There was an obvious tension between them that you could seem to cut with a dagger. Hux just so had a dagger to spare that was itching to get some action. Both men wanted to say things they never could out loud to each other. Both wanted to shame the other and take control. It’d always been like that for their strained relationship and neither really wanted it to change. Hux furrowed his brows and softened his expression. 

“You want me to pledge loyalty to you?”

“Your undying fidelity. Say you’ll live for me and remain loyal. If you do then I’ll give you all your old rights back, and let you stand more equal to me than before. Swear to me, Hux” Ren said with an anxious excitement. 

“I swear, Supreme Leader…” he murmured, feeling shame crawl up him. 

“You swear what?”

“I swear to remain loyal to you and the First Order. I work for you and live for you, as I always did.”

“Good.”

Ren put his hand back on Hux’s head. Hux tensed his body in natural instinct but softened when Ren ruffled his hair slightly and frowned at his cut. The touch was oddly soft for how Ren usually was. It reminded Hux of how Pryde had done that a few days prior, but he didn’t seem to fully detest it this time. He almost felt himself leaning into the touch, though he’d never admit it.

He wasn’t touched often, and when he was it was usually from abuse. It’d been years since he’d had real skin on skin contact that he didn’t want to pull away from. 

Hux felt the hand leave his hair. Ren coughed in his throat and Hux looked up.

Ren told him to leave, so he did. He was bound to now. If he wasn’t screwed before then he was definitely screwed now. Hux didn’t allow himself to be controlled by his emotions until the doors to the elevator closed around him. He felt a heavy weight on his chest and throat, and it wasn’t from choking or lack of air, but from oncoming tears. 

Hux cursed himself and bit down on his tongue to stop himself from breaking down. He didn’t need to cry over this. He didn’t cry the rest of the day or when he went to bed that night. He held it in and never let it out.   
  
He was a First Order General. It would be foolish to do something as useless as to _cry._

So there he lay.

In bed in his sleep clothes, a black tank top and First Order issued pants, the only company by his side being his spoiled cat. Millicent was sleeping peacefully on the edge of the mattress, not a care in her feline brain. Hux was almost envious of her. She didn’t have to deal with any of the issues that came with being a human. She could just eat and sleep and play to her heart's content.

That night, sleeping alone with the weight of the day crashing down on him, Hux dreamed.

It was different. He was usually so tired from the stress of his position that his brain couldn’t even fathom the thought of dreaming. But here he was, dreaming for the first time in what seemed like months. 

At first, it was wonderful. Hux stood in the balcony of the most extravagant palace he’d ever seen. He wore a white, golden, and red suit with a cape and cuffs, a golden crown, and a pleasant expression. He looked down from his balcony and saw thousands, or even millions of people cheering for him. Cheering for him and him alone. They all adored him without him having to do anything.

In the context of the dream he already knew he was the Emperor of the First Order, the grand voice of everything. It was the title he wanted and aspired for. Ren was in the way of that goal, and, speaking of Ren, out he came. 

He was dressed in the same way he always was, nothing flashy there, but he seemed submissive to Hux. It was like he had a fear of him underneath his devoted exterior. Ren was standing tall besides Hux, offering his congratulations to the Emperor after finally taking control of the galaxy. The entire galaxy was his just like he deserved. Hux looked away from the adoring subjects and towards Ren.

Ren was smiling at him, genuinely smiling and not faking it. They were powerful when they together it seemed. Hux could rule the galaxy and Ren could listen to his every demand. That’s the way things should be. 

Dreams were funny things, and Hux suddenly found himself laying in bed. Ren was there too.

They were facing each other, curled up near the warmth of the other bodies and peaceful. Ren was looking at Hux with more pure devotion than he’d ever received in his life. Hux himself was gazing at Ren’s chin to avoid looking him in the eyes, and because he was still shorter. Stupid Ren and his stupid height. 

They were both in their uniforms and totally alone together. It was comforting to be like this. Hux told Ren to sleep with him and so Ren did. In this dream, Ren didn’t question the scars across Hux’s chest, didn’t ridicule him or care, he didn’t even talk. He just understood without Hux needing to explain a thing. 

Hux sighed and felt Ren pull him closer. He was warm and safe. The rest of the world was cold and sharp, a place Hux didn’t want to live in. Life was harsh and jagged like a cliff fall at night time. This was good though. Being alone with Ren was... good.

Hux looked up at Ren and without needing to speak, told him to do whatever he wanted. Ren nodded back. The knife in Hux’s hand- _had it been there before?-_ got slick with sweat. He pushed the tip against Ren’s throat. Ren didn’t care. Hux didn’t care either. They lay there together, lost in the softness of the blankets and themselves. Each knew the dark secrets of the other, and it was okay. Hux looked longingly up at Ren for the first time.   
  


He woke up in the dead middle of the night.

He was laying in the same position he had been in the dream, curled up and reaching out for an invisible someone. That someone was gone now, and Hux was alone. Millicent had left some time in the night and Hux looked at the empty spot where she once lay. He closed his eyes and groaned.

What even _was_ that dream? What he wanted in life? He did for sure love the part of being an all powerful Emperor. But the fading part with Ren confused him. If it’s what he wanted... 

“Then why was Ren there…” he wondered out loud in his sleepy tone.

_He was so soft and caring. He would do whatever I wanted without question. Even… care for me. Fuck, what’s wrong with me?_ Hux pulled his body into a tighter ball and forced his eyes closed. He didn’t want to think of it. He had work soon and needed his rest, whatever little amount he could get. 

But the embrace of Ren in the dream had been warm and comforting. The thin sheets and cold air of his quarters left him feeling empty and alone. He’d never say it to anyone, not even Phasma or Dopheld, but sometimes he wished he had someone to sleep with. Someone he could be open with and protect. Someone who could protect him back and maybe even adore him. But it could never happen. His rank, job, life, gender problem, and pride got in the way of any possible romantic relationships. 

_So I’m thinking of Ren and romantic relationships in the same philosophical breakdown. Do I… no. How could I? We hate each other._

Hux thought of the times he’d seen Ren’s strong facade break. When he’d seen the strong warrior with a soft expression or a real smile on his lips. There weren’t many, but he could clearly remember every single one. Hux felt the realization hit him like a ton of bricks. He groaned and shoved his pillow into his face. 

He was in love with Kylo Ren.

The man who abused him, belittled him, and most definitely wanted him dead. Hux was in love with him and there was nothing he could do. 

_This isn’t going to end well._

  
  
  
  



	9. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Millennium Falcon and its X-Wing friends launch a surprise attack on the First Order fleet! Hux races to take control of the situation. Ren barges in and ruins everything.

Three months.

Three months of pretending to be Ren’s lapdog and Hux felt like he was going to snap. On one hand, he prided himself on holding out for this long- any other man would have already broken down- but on the other he felt shame. He felt ashamed and humiliated every day of his life now. Sure he could work next to Ren again and have an illusion of power, sure he wasn’t a comical relief General at the Supreme Council meetings, sure he wasn’t demoted, but was it really enough to offset how he felt? It couldn’t.

Hux felt like tearing himself in half now from all the stress. He was a walking dead man stumbling around the deck tripping over his boots. And all his stress didn’t even factor in his new found feelings for Ren. 

His primitive emotions of love were causing a never ending spiraling descent into sure madness. He had an infatuation for his Supreme Leader that was messing with his mind. It wasn’t ideal to have a crush on your boss, especially when that crush was the Supreme Leader and also abused you for fun on the norm.

Hux blamed his father and mother’s emotional distance for his problem. He was just yearning for any kind of love at this point. That was his problem. It was them, not him, who was at fault. 

What to do about his problem though?

He fought with his desires for warmth and intimacy. Those were a weak man's game. In this world you couldn’t concern yourself with romance and love, and especially not with intimacy. Here, the closer you became with someone, the more fuel they had to use against you in battle.

The disgusting dreams of him and Ren together in bed didn’t stop either. It seemed that at least once a week Hux was waking up in the middle of the night from a regrettable dream. He knew that he couldn’t even consider talking to Ren about them unless he wanted to get thrown out an airlock into the void of space. An undignified death indeed.

With his luck, if that happened, then a Resistance cruiser would find his dead body and shame him even after death. Ah yes, and speaking of the dreaded Resistance, here they were now, causing a fuss out of everything.

Hux stood poised and ready for the ship to suddenly lurch to the side from a bombing or blast. Outside of the Steadfast’s walls, he could see TIE Fighters and blaster cannons going after Resistance X-Wings and the main target, the Millenium Falcon. That dead age ship could take quite a beating; Hux could give it praise on that. It had shown up cannons a blazing a short while ago, prompting an emergency alert on board the ship. Hux and his coworkers had gotten a grip on the situation quick enough to not lose all their surface cannons to the Resistance firing, but they were still fighting for the advantage. 

A surprise attack was, well, _surprising,_ to say the least, especially one from the cowardly Resistance. Hux was raking his brain to try and figure out exactly why they started this little mob.

To trash their ship? Buy themselves more time to keep running? To make his life a living hell? The answer may never be revealed. But for now Hux had to deal with the facts. They were under attack and he was in charge. The head commander. 

“Concentrate canon fire on the largest ship! Take it out and their X-Wings will fly off in fear!” he yelled. 

“Yes sir!” answered a female deck captain before relaying the information into her headset. 

This was how it was supposed to be. Hux being in total control of a situation where he would come out on top. Already, the tide of battle seemed to be changing. The Millennium Falcon was rearing back to fire at a smaller ship of the fleet, accompanied by three X-Wings, and took its shots. _Are they trying to take out our entire ships? If that happens then Ren will-_

Hux flinched and turned around at the sound of the deck doors opening. _Great. Just great! It’s exactly the man I wanted to see right now. He’s a fucking psychic,_ Hux painfully thought when he saw Ren barge in.

The Supreme Leader slid in like a child would slide down the hall in fresh socks and immediately took over. He stomped in, hand twitching on his lightsaber hilt, and stopped halfway up the hallway. Hux wanted to tell Ren off, say that these were _his_ men, but due to their little arrangement he couldn’t even consider it. Hux cursed Ren everyday now. He despised him for the simple act of him existing.

“Where’s the Millenium Falcon?” Ren snapped at no one in particular. 

“It’s circling around and destroying our surface cannons, sir. But we have a fleet of TIE Fighters on its tail,” replied Captain Peavey. 

“Good! Don’t let up until it’s been blown to bits and scattered halfway across the galaxy!”

Ren went up and stood next to Hux, letting his full height shine. Hux always hated how tall Ren was. He also hated his perfect black hair, his new and imposing facial scar, his childish lightsaber, and pretty much everything else Ren had to offer. Damn him. Ren himself was watching the onslaught outside and gritting his teeth, a neutral expression forced onto his face. It was easy to see that he was fighting his own battle to not lose his composure in front of his subordinates.

 _If I could just push him enough without betraying our contract… then maybe Ren would make a fool of himself. Wouldn’t that be a sight to see?_ Hux maliciously thought. 

He looked over to Ren when he felt the man roughly grab onto his shoulder. Stars he had quite the grip. Hux questioned him silently and Ren leaned down to his height, speaking close to his ear. Hux perked up when he heard what he said. 

“The girl Jedi, Rey, is on that ship. I can feel it,” he whispered. 

“The same girl who killed Snoke?” Hux asked gingerly. 

“Who else? If we can take her down now then the Jedi will have fallen.”

“You said that about Luke Skywalker before. What if she’s already been training young force users?”

Kylo seemed ticked off from that comment and he raised his voice. “There are no force users left besides me, her, and Leia Organa. The Resistance is weak and wouldn’t waste its time gathering younglings.”

“I’m sorry for voicing my concern, Supreme Leader,” Hux hissed back. 

Ren let go of Hux’s shoulder and shook off his hand like it was covered in filth. Hux glared at him. They both directed their attention back towards the battle raging on outside. The ship deck suddenly tumbled and Hux almost lost his footing. Worse though, he nearly grabbed onto Ren’s cape for support. Luckily he was able to stop himself before that disaster could have a chance to happen. But Ren had his sith force magic voodoo hoodoo powers. He could probably tell the thought crossed Hux’s mind. Of course though, Ren didn’t even flinch from the impact. _Just to show off, huh Ren?_

“Sir...s!” piped up Lieutenant Mitaka. “The ship is retreating!”

“Why?!” shouted Ren, scaring the crew on deck.

“It must have just wanted to take our cannons out and gain reconnaissance, sir.”

“Don’t let it get away!”

“Supreme Leader! I believe it is in our best intention to let them retreat for now,” Hux said. “You’ve seen how low their forces are. We shouldn’t waste our troops!” 

“You want to let the Jedi get away?!”

“It’s just one girl! What could she do alone?”

“The deserter Stormtrooper is on there too.”

“I don’t care about that traitor now. We shouldn’t waste our resources on something as pitiful as this!”

“I’m in command now! _I’m_ the Supreme Leader and I order all our firing on that ship!” Ren yelled while pointing out the window. He was shouting directly at Hux and it forced unpleasant memories of his father back into his brain. 

The Steadfast had no surface or lower cannons left anymore, so the job was left to the TIE Fighters. The deck crew scrambled to relay the information. Ren looked like he was about ready to take his anger out on the closest thing to him at any given moment. As it stood, Hux was that closest thing to Ren. He realized this and instinctively tightened his body and prepared to be thrown around. 

Hux knew it was coming when the Millenium Falcon took its journey to light speed, the remaining X-Wings going with it. He cautiously looked over to Ren. The Supreme Leader was staring forwards in silence, not moving or breathing. Hux also held his breath; the entire deck did. They were all ready for the outburst to come. Hux hid his increasing fear with neutrality and fake sympathy. He coughed in his throat and addressed Ren. 

“Supreme Leader, we can attempt to track them down if that would please- yoooouuuu,” Hux awkwardly drew out his ‘you’ when he got slammed against the floor. But he braced his arms and didn’t hit his face. 

Hux took in a deep breath and tasted blood filling his mouth. _I bit my tongue,_ he concluded. Luckily it was only a shallow bite and he didn’t accidentally chomp the muscle entirely off. The General propped himself up on his arms and pushed himself to his feet. While he was staggering back up, Ren pushed him down again on his stomach. He was pinned like a beetle under a boot. Hux felt the shame he was so used to knowing by now creeping up his body. A red threatened to spread across his face. 

Ren was scowling down at him and probably making sure the entire deck was watching. Hux stared at the floor and pushed himself up as much as he could. It wasn’t much, but his chest wasn’t touching the floor, and it gave him a small sense of pride. He didn’t look at Ren at all. He couldn’t manage it. He wouldn’t be able to bear seeing the undeniable hatred raging in Ren’s eyes. It would hurt him in more ways than one.

“Because you started an argument the Resistance got away! What do you have to say for yourself?”

“What are you, my father? I was just voicing my opinion on the matter. I’m the man in charge of this deck! Not you!” Hux shouted, not feeling an ounce of regret. 

“I’m your Supreme Leader so you listen to me! Stand up, General Hux!”

Hux was going to give a good sneer back about how he was pinned down by the force until Ren took away his grip. Because he didn’t have to fight back anymore, when the force was gone Hux shot up quickly. He caught himself and, as gracefully as he could, and stood up on his two feet once again.

Hux’s hands itched to wrap themselves around Ren’s throat. He was sure Ren was reading his mind at the moment, so he made sure to string together a chain of: _fuck you fuck you fuck you, Supreme Leader sir_ ’s. He also mentally noted that swallowing blood mixed with your own saliva was gross and he should force himself to throw it up later, lest he go ill. 

“That ship had the last Jedi on it and _you_ let it get away.”

“With all due respect, sir, it wasn’t my responsibility to make sure the ship was destroyed. I just command my men and assess the situations.”

“I expect the best possible results!” Ren suddenly burst. “I won’t stand for mediocrity in the First Order, General!”

 _Better time than any to dig my grave._ “Then why are you here, sir?” Hux said proudly. 

The deck was silent before but now it was better off dead. Everyone held their breaths and waited to see what Kylo would do. Hux didn’t care. He knew that a comment like that wouldn’t cause anything _too_ atrocious to happen to him. 

Ren looked down at him. It was obvious that the gears were turning in his mind as he tried to figure out what to say back. Hux inwardly grinned. Maybe now Ren would finally completely lose it and kill him. Hux didn’t particularly want to die, but if it showed the crew how childish and immature Ren really was and eliminate his feelings, then maybe it wouldn’t be for nothing.

But Ren didn’t kill him. Or choke him or knock him down or even demote him. 

“You were right, General Hux. I apologize. I should have taken your opinion into consideration considering how close we are.”

Hux stood flabbergasted. Of all the things that he thought would happen Ren apologizing wasn’t even on the list. _He’s sorry? No, it must be a trick! Ren just wants my loyalty, that’s all._ He recomposed himself and coughed awkwardly.

“Thank you, Supreme Lea-” 

The crisp sound of a slap echoed lowly throughout the deck floor. Hux teetered to the side and held the right half of his face instinctively. 

Ren had slapped him.

Punished him like he was a disobedient kid. Hux looked up and saw Ren’s hand still suspended in the air. Memories of his childhood and the numerous peoples in the same stance suddenly came flooding back into his mind. He held his breath and tried to focus on the growing stinging feeling in the right side of his face. Now was no time for flashbacks.

Ren grinned down at him with heavy breaths and promptly left the deck after barking an order to find the Millenium Falcon to no officer in particular. Captain Peavey took action. Hux stood motionless in the middle of the deck, processing what had just happened.

To him, a physical slap like that was a much worse blow to his ego. Ren could’ve just used his force magic again and thrown him against the wall. He could’ve just strangled him. But no, Ren had to go out of his way and slap him across the face in such a basic way of punishment.

Hux felt his chest tighten as he let go of his face. He swallowed another mouthful of blood and saliva before resuming command of his deck. His fellow officers quickly fell back into routine. Dopheld gave him a sympathetic glance. Hux nodded back to his Lieutenant friend and fought against the unpleasant memories that were flooding back into his mind.

 _This is disgusting. I swear, Ren. One day we are going to kill each other. Either you die by my hand, or I die by yours,_ Hux thought. 

He smiled at the prospect of killing Ren, but another part of him knew that he’d finally collapse if Ren were ever to die. Hux cursed himself. 

Love was for the weak. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a shorter chapter this time! The next one will probably be very long because I’m combining two points on my outline into one chapter. 
> 
> Poor Hux. Someone get this man a tissue and a good childhood.


	10. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phasma convinces Hux that he needs a break. And what better break than an evening of drinking with friends? Hux knows from the start that it’s a bad idea, and when he gets brought back shitfaced to his quarters by Dopheld and runs into Ren, he knows he was right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mild suicidal thoughts at the end along with blood and self harm

“He’s going to demote me,” Hux said from his place on the bed. 

“He’s not going to demote you, Armitage,” Phasma said back from his desk chair, Millicent in her lap. 

“Yes he kriffing is! Didn’t you hear me complaining at all? He hates me, Phas. Hates me.”

“It’s because you talked back to him. He’s the Supreme Leader. You have to respect him whether you like it or not.”

“I’d rather die, Phasma. I’d rather die.” Hux put his arm over his eyes and sighed to emphasize his point. 

“Then die, I guess.”

Hux lowly laughed. He liked it when this happened; him and Phasma having a casual conversation just for the fun of it. It wasn’t often that you could trust someone in the First Order. Everyone was after power and no one was above strategical murder. Hux could say he’d lynched a few fellow officers to get his current rank, and Phasma was no different. Both had blood on their hands but neither cared. They’d even conspired on Brendol’s murder together. What a day that was. 

But that was besides the point.

After his embarrassing and humiliating quarrel with Ren over the Resistance fighters, Hux finished his shift and made haste to his quarters. He rang up Phasma and got her to come over with promises of Millicent and an open fridge (Not that there was anything good in there anyways. Hux wasn’t a cook afterall; he was a General). The two of them quickly relaxed in each others presence and fell into friendly, sarcastic conversation.

Hux liked to complain to her and Phasma liked to pretend to listen. They’d been at it for nearly half a standard hour now, bantering back and forth like an old married couple. 

If he was being honest, Hux wouldn’t mind getting married to Phasma. She was his closest friend and ally, strong and wise, as powerful as him, and had a certain manly beauty to her. He didn’t know if he was envious of or attracted to her muscles and physical build, but he knew he loved it.

Marriage was strange in the First Order. There was no celebration or venue, no cake or gifts, sometimes not even rings. All that happened was an update in your personal record under the “Marriage Status” box. It was pointless, but still had a nice little charm to it.

Hux lifted his arm off his eyes and sat up straight in his usual perfect posture. Phasma peered over at him. 

A sudden thought forced its way into Hux’s brain. _Should I tell her about my reluctant attraction towards Ren? Maybe she deserves to know?_ After a short moment, he felt disgusted at the prospect of telling her. Sickened in his brain. He couldn’t ever.

As much as he loved her- and he truly did- he didn’t think he could ever muster up the courage to talk to her about that. He could barely talk about it with himself as it was. If he tried to, he would usually just attempt to distract himself with his mountains of work.

He hated Ren. _De_ _spised_ him. Yet at the same time he wanted to love him, stand next to him, hold him, and, Maker forbid, sleep with him. Hux sighed out loud and rested his cheek on his knee. Millicent jumped up next to him. 

“Do you really think that the Supreme Leader is going to demote you?” Phasma asked. 

“Really really.”

“You’re too important, Armitage. Nearly the entirety of the Steadfast respects you, and we all trust in your power. If Supreme Leader demotes you or fires you completely then others may… revolt.” 

“Would you?” Hux asked, not expecting an answer. 

“Probably,” she said. 

“Really?” 

“Yeah.”

“Thanks I guess.”

“No problem.”

There was silence between them for a while. Hux thought of what he’d do if Ren fired him.

He couldn’t go anywhere else. The First Order was the only home he’d ever known besides his few early years on Arkanis, but even then it was an Empire owned base. Maybe he’d defect to the Resistance and take revenge on Ren that way. He inwardly laughed at that idea.

As long as he had his pride intact he’d never even consider joining to lowly Resistance. He had standards. 

Phasma smacked her hand on the arm of Hux’s chair. He looked towards her expectantly. She must have just had a seriously important revelation. 

“I know just what you need to forget about your problems,” she said with a bit of excitement. 

“Yeah? What’s that?”

“You, me, and Dopheld should go out for drinks. It’ll calm your nerves _and_ give you a well needed hangover to clear your head.”

“Are you brain dead? I’m a General and you’re Captain of the stormtrooper regime. We can’t just head out for drinks whenever we like,” Hux protested. 

“Sure we can. There’s plenty of break rooms with alcohol in them. Even more for high ranking individuals like us. We’d just have to sneak Dopheld in like we usually do.”

“Phas, you know I’m a lightweight.”

“So is Dopheld,” she said with a shrug, “but I bet he wouldn’t say no. If you really want, we can just get some drinks and bring them to our training room for a private party. Come on, Armitage. Let’s have some fun.”

Hux groaned and scowled at Phasma. She gave him a teasing glare back and drank a pretend drink. He quickly went over all the terrible outcomes that would come with a night of drinking and decided it wouldn’t be too bad of an idea after all. Friends went out for drinks all the time, right? So he should go with Phasma and Dopheld if they were truly his companions.

“Fine,” he grumbled. “I’ll go.”

“Tomorrow after our shifts. We don’t have to clock in till later the day after, so it’s the best night to get pissed.”

“I’m only going if we go to the training room like you said _and_ if you’re buying them.”

“Deal.”

He knew as soon as he saw that grin on Phasma’s face that he had made a mistake.   
  


——

Hux looked up from his spot on the bench when he heard the door to the training room click open. Dopheld and Phasma walked in, each carrying a few bottles of alcohol. Hux saw White Wampa Ale, Dust Juice, and Ne’tra gal, all not exactly being the lowest in terms of alcohol percentage. Phasma shook a bottle at him and smirked. He glared back. 

“Don't look at me like that,” she mocked. “I made sure to get you something lightweight so you don’t get shitfaced in twelve seconds.”

Phasma handed him a can of Tatooine Sunset from behind her back. He thanked her and popped the can open, taking a tentative sniff. Dopheld put down his bottles and looked for the water jug in the room so he could get cups. Phasma pointed him in the right direction.

Hux took a sip of his drink and nearly recoiled at the taste. He’d almost forgotten how bad alcohol tasted. Why would anyone drink this stuff for fun?

Phasma on the other hand was already opening the bottle of Dust Juice. Hux knew from experience that it tasted vile but was extremely potent. So potent that if he had a cup then he’d likely pass out on the spot. Dopheld probably couldn’t handle much of it either, considering his body size was nearly identical to Hux’s, if not a bit shorter and a bit more defined. Dopheld came back with plastic cups and poured himself some of the White Wampa Ale. Starting strong there, eh Dopheld?

“This stuff tastes awful,” Hux complained. 

“Yeah but it gets better if you don’t nurse it all night,” Phasma said. 

“Shut up.”

“You know, this stuff actually tastes pretty good,” Dopheld said, surprised. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Hux.”

“Dopheld we aren’t even drinking the same drink. Give me that.”

Hux reached out and snatched the bottle of White Wampa Ale from Dopheld. Pouring some in a cup and readying himself for the disgusting taste that was sure to follow, Hux brought it to his lips and swallowed. Surprisingly, he didn’t gag. It actually tasted quite... soft? 

“Damn, you’re right. This isn’t actually half bad. That Tatooine Moonset or whatever is vile. This- this isn’t too terrible,” he complimented. 

“Drink anymore of that and you’ll be a blubbering mess, Armitage.”

“Kark off, Phas. I can handle a little more than a swig before I get loopy.”

“You sure?” Dopheld teased. 

“Don’t talk back to your General.”

“Don’t talk back to your Lieutenant.”

“Both of you don’t talk back to _me,”_ Phasma sighed, taking a long drink of Dust Juice and smiling. 

Hux smiled too. _This is nice,_ he thought. _No worrisome work, no Enric Pryde, and most of all, no Ren._ Ren.

Now that he thought of his accursed name it was all he could fathom. Hux cursed himself and took another gulp of his Ale. It had a pleasant burn down his throat, nothing like the sting from his Tatooine Sunset. _I wonder what kind of drinks Ren likes. Something fancy? He_ was _a prince afterall. Is he still considered one? Does he make bank?_

Hux realized what he was doing and bit his tongue. It still kinda hurt. _Stop thinking of that pile of filth, Armitage! You aren’t worth Ren. You’re worth_ far _better!_ Hux grinned. Yeah, he was worth more than a thousand Rens. When he became Emperor and ruled the galaxy he could finally be able to get rid of Ren once and for all. It was a happy thought.

While he still wished more than anything for Ren to do whatever he said and obey without question, having him killed wasn't a bad idea either.

A sudden cup being thrown towards his face broke him out of his fantasies. He looked over and saw Phasma with her arm still in the swing position. He looked down and saw a black solo cup laying in his lap. 

“Why?” was all he said. 

“Stop daydreaming and start talking to us. I’m tired of listening to Dopheld complain about his cat,” Phasma replied.

“Hey! Bear deserves just as much recognition as Millicent does!”

“What do you even wanna talk about? Work? I’m not exactly in the mood.”

“Hey, you didn’t have any run ins with Supreme Leader or Allegiant General Pryde on the way here. That’s a win right?” Phasma asked. 

“How do you know that?”

“You would have already vented to us by now,” Dopheld said bluntly. Hux flashed an annoyed glare at him. 

“I’m not so predictable. Maybe I just didn’t want to talk about Ren’s stupid face with you two. Any talk about him just dampens the mood,” Hux said before taking another drink. His head was starting to feel a little light. 

Phasma winked at Hux teasingly and he looked away awkwardly. Damn, she really _is_ pretty. In a scary kind of way. _Ren is_ also _kind of pretty in a scary way,_ he thought. _Wait, kriffing hell! Stop it! Stop thinking of Ren!_ Hux angrily tightened his grip on his cup and crinkled it. It splashed and spilt on his pants, staining them a darker shade of black. 

Hux rushed up and felt his head spin a bit. He staggered. Dopheld tried to hold in his laugh but he failed when Phasma didn’t even try. Hux shot daggers at both of them and dabbed the stain off his leg with his sleeve. Dopheld went to get paper towels from the bathroom and Phasma stopped laughing long enough to pour Hux a new cup of Ale. He thanked them both.

“Hey, Hux?” Dopheld started, handing him a fistful of paper towels. “What’s the Supreme Council like? Is it like, intimidating?”

“Not really. We’re all equal and can freely talk, that is unless Ren’s in a pissy mood. And he usually is.”

“You _really_ don't like Supreme Leader Ren, huh?”

“I’ve worked with him long enough to know he isn’t shit. If he didn’t have his stupid force magic then I could beat him into the ground any day,” Hux gloated. 

“Could you really?” asked Phasma in a disbelieving tone. 

“Ren looks like he weighs thirty pounds soaking wet under his robes.”

“And you weigh twenty,” Phasma said. “Just drink your ale and stop burdening us with your self pity.”

“It’s not self pity, it’s just me stating the facts that _I_ would make a much more suitable Supreme Leader. Or Emperor even.”

Phasma nodded in a way that sent the signal that she didn’t care. Hux drank the whole cup of White Wampa Ale and wiped his mouth with his wrist. Dopheld was still nursing his Tatooine Sunset he’d stolen from Hux, taking the tiniest of sips only when he was looked at. It was obvious that Dopheld didn’t really want to get drunk. He only came to hang out with Hux and by association, Phasma.

Dopheld and Hux were close in less of a friendship way and more of a familial way. Everyone had that young private they looked out for in the beginning, and for Hux that was Dopheld. He could even say that his nervousness improved over the years.

After finishing his third cup of Ale, Hux knew he was starting to fade out of it. His throat felt dry and his head was spinning. Phasma and Dopheld were both fine, not a care in the world between them. Hux on the other hand felt like he was going to be doing a lot of puking tomorrow morning. Maybe drinking wasn't the best idea when he was such a lightweight. He stood up slowly and held his head in one hand, his empty cup in the other. 

“You look wasted,” Phasma noted.

“I am.”

“Want Dopheld to bring you back to your quarters?”

“Would you, Dopheld?”

“Yeah, of course. I feel fine so I can take you right now if you want,” he said. 

“Ughh… yeah.”

Dopheld got up and let Hux lean on him slightly. It wasn’t much extra weight. They both waved goodbye to Phasma when they left the room. Hux could remember that she said she would clean up and take her own way back earlier.

So the two men walked their way through the empty halls of the Steadfast together. Hux made sure to mutter thanks to Dopheld every time he caught him before he fell, or when he hid them behind a corner if another officer was approaching. 

Hux naively thought that they could make it back to his quarters without any run ins. The alcohol was starting to get to his head and he felt groggy. He wasn’t drunk, but he was tired and confused. It was nice to clear his head this way but he knew he’d regret it in the morning. Dopheld hoisted Hux’s arm across his shoulders and held his wrist. Hux sighed. 

“You good, Hux?” Dopheld asked with a small smile. 

“Yeah yeah, I’m… I’m good, Dopheld,” Hux replied. “You don’t have to coddle me so much.”

Dopheld was about to tell a joke to make Hux laugh when he got interrupted by a sharp voice. He spun around, Hux flying after him, and was met face to face with the last man he wanted to see now. 

Supreme Leader Ren. 

The meek lieutenant froze and lightly shook Hux’s wrist that he held in his hand. Hux looked at him confused before following Dopheld’s gaze towards Ren. Hux also froze on the spot, more out of shock than fear. But unlike his friend, he regained his composure quickly. Maybe _too_ quickly. His common sense hadn’t come back yet and that was a very bad thing. He stared Ren dead in the eyes. Ren stared back. 

“General Hux, Lieutenant Mitaka,” Ren started, “what are you doing?”

“I’m bringing General Hux back to his quarters, Supreme Leader sir. We... went for drinks with Captain Phasma,” Dopheld explained nervously. 

“Yeah. None of your fucking business, _Supreme Leader_ ,” Hux growled. Dopheld tightly gripped his wrist as both a warning and a stress reliever. 

“You’re drunk, General Hux. Low tolerance? Or do you just want to insult me and jeopardize your position yet again?”

Hux rapidly thought of a response. A damn good one too. He pushed himself off of Dopheld and stood as tall as possible. Dopheld looked at him worriedly. 

“I want to do more than insult you. I want to do _much_ more, Supreme Leader. And this isn’t the alcohol talking either, I’m very clear of mind right now, I swear,” he said teasingly, obviously very much _not_ clear of mind at that moment. 

“Well then, feel free to speak your mind, General.”

Hux grinned. “Fine by me,” he said. 

“Ren, ever since I met your sorry ass I knew you’d fuck everything up for everyone. Because you couldn’t kill one single girl, my entire career was thrown away. You think of me no higher than any stormtrooper! _I’m_ the only one who can lead the First Order right!” Hux ranted while hitting his chest. “What have you done since you became our Supreme Leader? Nothing! You sit and lament and do Maker knows what alone in your quarters. You beat me and treat me like a _toy_! I’ve already been used so much in my life that it doesn’t even kriffing _matter_ anymore!”

Dopheld inched closer and tried to grab Hux to drag him away. Hux shook him off and gently pushed him away. He turned back to Ren and got a great sense of pride when he saw his look of hatred. Hux continued mercilessly. 

“If you want to make me obey you, then using me as a stress toy isn’t the best idea. I know we have our agreement but I couldn’t care less about it now. Ever since I met you my life’s gone downhill. I didn’t even think it was possible to go lower than I already was but just look at you! You had to go and prove me wrong, _again,_ and make my life a living hell! I hate you! I fucking hate you! And that’s not even the worst part! You wanna hear it? You want to know why I hate you so much?!”

Ren crossed his arms and kept his gaze stagnant, but even Hux could see that his facade was falling. There was a hidden look of hurt in his eyes. “Go on, tell me if you want to so much, General.”

“I hate you because I fucking _like_ you!” Hux blurted, already regretting everything. “I can’t stand the fact that I have feelings for you. Every day I wake up and hope that you’re dead! Dead so I don’t have to feel this way anymore! My heart wants to hold you and be gentle with you and fucking love you. I can’t _stand_ it! So why don’t you just kill yourself in battle and save me all this pain, asshole.”  
  


Hux finished his rant and started to breathe heavily. What did he just do? Dopheld was even panicked now. Soon, Hux was near hyperventilating and clutching his chest, just barely holding himself back. He wanted to hit Ren. Punch him, kick him, kiss him.

He wanted them both to die. 

Ren stood still, not being able to completely process what just happened. It was undeniably the last thing he thought he would ever hear from his General. Dopheld was the first to act. He profusely apologized to his Supreme Leader and dragged Hux away as fast as he could. Hux didn’t fight it and leaned against Dopheld until they made it to his quarters. Behind them, Ren was still standing alone in the hall, unbeknownst to them. He clenched his fist and left. 

Dopheld opened Hux’s door and gently sat his friend on the bed. Hux grabbed his head and groaned. A migraine was sure to come to him sooner or later. Millicent poked her little furry head out from beneath Hux’s desk and sauntered over. Dopheld awkwardly pushed her away and looked to Hux. His eyes filled with concern when Hux scowled at him through half closed and tired eyes.

“Get out of my room, Mitaka,” he said flatly. 

“Hux, I’m-”

“Please, just leave me alone. I need to be alone. Please,” Hux pleaded. 

Dopheld paused. He slowly nodded his head and patted Hux on the shoulder before leaving half heartedly, waiting just a moment longer incase he was invited back in. Hux heard the sliding door close and fell back on his bed. The weight of what happened finally hit him.

His eyes dilated and his chest tightened. His position was sure to be torn away by tomorrow morning now, leaving him as some nameless and powerless commander. His mind scored through all the idiotic things he’d just said, trying to make sense of them all. 

When he realized he’d told Ren his true feelings, Hux felt a numbness spread throughout his body. His eyes started to burn with the beginnings of pity tears. He shakily stood up, using the bed frame as leverage, and went to his bathroom. Millicent didn’t follow him. He didn’t stop to think why. 

Hux looked at himself in the mirror.

He knew that going out for drinks was a terrible idea. It was Phasma’s fault for convincing him that it would be good for him, right? Or was it Dopheld’s fault for letting them run into Ren? Hux glared at his reflection. _Don’t be a karking idiot. This is all my own fault,_ Hux cursed himself.

He’d been taught that love was for the weak at a young age. Love didn’t get you anywhere. It would poison you and distract you from your true goals. It was one of the only good teachings he’d received from his father. But even still, Hux couldn’t follow that one simple rule. Love wasn’t for him, as much as he denied that he yearned for it.

It was his own fault. Tomorrow he’d be demoted, thrown in the cells, and executed. That was if Ren was merciful. Maybe Ren would publicly humiliate him before killing him. Maybe he’d bring Pryde into it too, make it a fun party. That didn’t seem too below the Supreme Leader’s standards. 

Hux gripped the edge of the sink tighter. So tight that his knuckles turned a sickly white.

“Armitage… What a stupid name…” he told himself. “A stupid name for a stupid man. A stupid man working with a stupid rank in a stupid Order with a stupid mental disease.”

Hux felt his self pity turn into anger. He lifted one of his fists and slammed it into the mirror. The glass cracked and fell off in deadly shards. He barely registered the pain that blossomed in his hand; he was entirely focused on his issue.

Warm blood trickled down his fingers and onto the white porcelain sink. He watched the blood steadily drip into the drain and leave a crimson path in its wake. Hux laughed. He laughed hesitantly at first, but quickly got louder and louder until he fell back against the wall and slumped to the floor. 

He sat there for who knows how long. Every moment he spent cursing and flaming himself. All of this was his fault. No one was at fault but him. He felt the stinging in his eyes come back but he refused to let the pointless tears come out. Crying would be the last nail in the coffin for his demise. If he started crying now then he feared he wouldn’t be able to stop. Thirty-four years worth of built up tears would come streaming out. He couldn’t let that happen. 

His hand didn’t stop bleeding and went from staining the sink to staining the floor and his pants. But Hux didn’t care. His whole life was ruined now. It might even be better if he didn’t exist at all. Everything was awful and he didn’t want to live like this anymore. 

What was a little blood on the floor going to do anyways?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you can find the SNL, Marriage Story, and other reference I put in here then props to you.


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh no oh god oh hell. what are emotions? i don’t like them get them away from me?
> 
> That’s the chapter summary.

Hux bandaged his bloodied knuckles while still on the floor and headed back to work the next day. No one asked him about what happened. It didn’t seem to matter to him, so why would it, or even _should_ it, matter to them? Hux was still numb to the stinging feeling that radiated from his hand as he was entirely focused on his work. Work would distract him. That’s what he always hoped. 

But still, the terrible “confession” he’d given to Ren not even twenty-four hours ago still lingered in his mind. Every time he thought back to it his throat tightened and his fingers twitched anxiously. At this point, Ren hadn’t done anything drastic, or really anything at all. It was a surprise, to be sure, but a welcome one in Hux’s eyes. Maybe Ren wouldn’t do anything at all and just leave Hux to wallow in his terrible anticipation. Anticipation towards what would become of him in the coming weeks. 

Would he be demoted, killed, abandoned, or humiliated? He didn’t know. He didn’t want to know. Hux inwardly groaned and damned himself for even thinking for a moment that Ren would care for him back. They were both disgusting and damaged men at the core. Neither of them really deserved a chance at love, or even friendship.

Hux was doing a good job of quelling his anxieties until he got back to his quarters at the end of the day and saw his datapad flashing. At first he suspected it was about taking an extra shift or an upcoming Supreme Council meeting and he huffed. Ren was making them more frequent as of late for some reason. He wouldn’t complain out loud, but he knew that nobody appreciated it.

Taking a closer look after kicking his porg fur-lined boots off, Hux felt his heart sink into his gut once again. He blinked his eyes and stared at the name that flashed above the message. He read it in his head again and again and dug his nails into his hand.   
  


_Supreme Leader: This message is for General Hux. Come to my quarters at 2130 hours to discuss matters with me. -Supreme Leader._

Hux’s first immediate thought was: _Really_ _? You don’t have to sign your name at the end of your messages._ His second and more intuitive thought on the matter was: _What the fuck does Ren want with me?_

The logical and _only_ answer was to talk about his drunken outburst from yesterday. Hux wished for a brief moment that his life would just disappear. His bandaged knuckles stung sharply when he scratched them unconsciously with his other hand. Staring at the red stained bandages, he sighed and shut his datapad off, then went about his after work routine. 

Hux hung his greatcoat neatly in the closet, fed Millicent, did a ten second tidy of his quarters, and ordered supper for himself. Going into his usual schedule calmed his nerves slightly. Just slightly though. 

The hour leading up to his last minute meeting with Ren was hell. He could barely taste his stationary meal or blue milk on his tongue. It was dry and flavourless to him in whatever moment he was living in. He opted to give Millicent a treat of his leftover meat, not willing to finish it. He dumped his milk down the drain as well. 

Hux glanced at the clock and straightened up. _2110 hours,_ he read. _I should head out now… pfassk, Ren. Stop playing me for a fool!_ Hux kicked his foot angrily against his boots before putting them back on. He waved goodbye to Millicent- possibly for the last time ever- and left for Ren’s quarters. Millicent almost seemed to give him a goodbye meow. Hux wondered for a moment about who would take care of her if he died tonight. 

Ren was going to kill him. He knew it in his gut. 

Luckily- or maybe unluckily- for him, Ren’s room wasn't far from his own; a small stroll compared to his journey to Dopheld’s. Hux focused on the sounds his boots made as they hit the floor, or the swish of his greatcoat. Familiar sounds to distract him. His heart was nearly beating out of his chest at this point but he willed himself, _forced_ himself, to calm down. A wave of fear would surely be sensed by his enemy. 

He turned and faced Ren’s door. Even _it_ was bigger than his. Ren just had to show off at any given opportunity... show off his superiority.

Hux held his breath and knocked after standing there for some silent moments. Immediately, the door slid open and revealed the insides of Ren’s new and luxurious quarters. They were even grander than his old ones he lived in as a knight. Hux stepped inside and marvelled against his will.

It was extremely spacious, much more roomy than his own. It seemed like Ren’s entryway was bigger than the entirety of Hux’s room. A space fit for a king. Hux took a tentative step into the entry hallway and saw Ren’s boots pushed to the side on a carpet. He didn’t bother to take his own off and shuffled in the way he was. 

Peering around the corner, he saw Ren’s main living quarters and several closed doors on the opposite side. Ren’s over sized bed was also there leaning against the wall that was hidden by the hallway. Surprisingly, it was made very neatly. Hux scoffed and looked for Ren, but the other man was nowhere in near sight. He guessed that Ren was behind one of the many closed doors. _The very least you could do is greet your guests, Kylo. Be courteous for me._

Hux looked over to the sound of a door handle clicking. He turned around and gazed at Ren coming out of what he suspected was the bathroom. His hair was in that stage between wet and dry where it looked greasy and clumpy and tangled. Ren shook his hair out like the mutt that he was and regarded Hux with a curt nod before flat out ignoring him and heading to his kitchen. Hux stood in disbelief. He made haste and followed Ren. 

“You could at least greet me,” he said. 

“You’re early,” Kylo dryly replied. “And don’t-”

“Don’t talk back to your Supreme Leader, I know. Why’d you call me here? Could this matter not be discussed over a holopad?”

“Straight down to the matter at hand. You’ve never changed, Hux.”

_So we’re on a last name basis, no titles._ Hux coughed in his throat and stood face to face with Kylo. He didn’t show any fear or apprehension, only cold, calculated gestures. Ren regarded him the same, yet he couldn’t stop the flash of surpise at seeing Hux’s bandaged knuckles.

“I want to discuss yesterday night,” Kylo stated. Hux felt his heartbeat speed up. 

“Yesterday… night?”

“Don’t play dumb with me, Hux. It’s about our run-in in the corridor. I’ve been able to think of nothing but your outburst all day.”

“My outburst? Oh, I remember. Yes, I’ve wanted to talk about it with you too,” Hux lied. 

Hux saw Kylo’s hands stiffen and grab harder onto his arms. They were crossed across his chest as Kylo looked away at the floor, not making eye contact. Hux found it strangely out of character for his Supreme Leader, like he was embarrassed to speak of this topic. He didn’t think of it though, as to not let Ren notice his suspicions with the force. Kylo paused and continued. 

“Was what you said true?” he asked. 

“Which part of it? I said a lot of things, Ren,” Hux scoffed, rubbing his temples. “Was it the part about me wishing you were dead or the part where I said I hated you?”

“The love part.”

_Damnit._ Hux clenched his fists and readied himself for his impending doom. He knew Ren would be able to tell if he was lying no matter how much he bluffed, so he took the easy route. He wouldn’t lie. He’d tell the truth. His own truth. He hardened his face and said simply:

“No, I don’t love you, Ren.”

Kylo seemed a little surprised. “Then why go through with your drunken outburst? You seemed genuinely hurt, almost like you were about to cry. You’re lying.”

“I don’t cry, and I’m not lying. I could never love you. That’s unprofessional and outside my jurisdiction.”

“Oh,” Kylo said cockily, realizing what Hux was doing, “I see. You don’t want to admit that you love me so you’re lying. I get it.”

“I am not lying!” Hux burst, feeling his pride being stripped away with every passing moment. “I was drunk! Intoxicated people say meaningless squalor all the time. I didn’t mean it!”

Kylo sneered and Hux could almost hear the cogs turning in his head. His own head was whirring with too many anxieties to possible process correctly. Kylo slowly uncrossed his arms and stepped closer to Hux. Hux naturally stepped backwards in response. He only realized that’s what Ren wanted him to do afterwards. He puffed out his chest and feigned nonchalantness. 

Kylo reached out and grabbed a hold of Hux’s shoulder. It was tight enough to be unpleasantly uncomfortable but not too tight to really hurt. Hux tried to pull away. 

“Stop lying to me, Hux. We’ve unofficially established that we’re somewhat equals right now, but that doesn’t mean I appreciate your behaviour. Like you said, it’s unprofessional.”

“Don’t scold me like I’m some child, Ren. You’re younger than me,” Hux snapped while forcing Kylo’s hand off him. “I’m not lying and I’m not infatuated with you.”

“You know it can never happen, right?” Kylo asked, suddenly calming his entire demeanour. 

Hux paused. “What can’t?” he hesitantly asked, already knowing the answer. 

“Us. Me and you. You don’t need to bluff with me, I know what you want. And I’m sure you already know that it could never happen.”

“... I know,” Hux spat.

“So you’re being honest with me now?”

“I don’t have any other choice, now do I? Why deny it when we both know the truth already,” Hux said. He straightened his posture and looked defiantly up at Ren before continuing. “But I don’t mind. I knew from the start I could never get what I wanted so I never bothered to care about trivial stuff like romance. My attraction to you is simply a… a minor issue that I can fix. It won’t affect our working dynamic.”

“You don’t want to be with me then?” Ren asked. 

“No. Why would I? I’m not controlled by my useless emotions like you are. Plus, I plainly don’t like you. Why would I want to spend the remainder of my life with you?” 

Kylo stepped back and gave Hux his own personal space again. He ran his hand through his long hair- the thought of getting a haircut briefly crossed his mind- and held his other out towards Hux. Hux looked on intrepidly. Soon enough though, he started to feel a familiar throbbing sensation hit his temples. He held his forehead in his hand and tried to figure out the cause of his sudden headache, besides the fact that he was talking to Ren. His gaze turned from fearlessness to confusion, realization, and then to anger. 

Hux let go of his head and whipped up to face Kylo. He glared daggers at him and just held himself back from punching him. Kylo almost seemed to apologetically smile back before lowering his hand. He wore a look of sympathy that struck Hux’s heart. Before he could even say anything, Hux knew what Kylo had looked at. He dropped his gaze and focused on the unnatural shine of the Supreme Leader’s floor. Ren cleared his throat. 

“Do you really, truly hate me, Armitage?” he asked. 

_Armitage? What’s this first name crap he’s pulling all of the sudden?_ he thought. Hux bit his lip and held back a sad smile. 

“I’m not entirely sure,” he eventually grumbled. “Of course I don’t _like_ you, we’ve been rivals since you came here as a Jedi, so that’s only natural. You treat me like trash and don’t give me the respect I deserve. That’s reason enough to hate you, and that’s not even mentioning how frequently I have to go to the medbay because of you.”

“So do you hate me or not?”

“I said I’m not sure.”

“Your dreams tell me otherwise,” Kylo said. “Is that really what you want? To rule the galaxy with me at your side as your loyal servant?”

“I suppose so,” Hux admitted, feeling a tension in the air so thick that it could be cut in half with a blade.

“And you know-”

“It can never happen, I _know._ I don’t need to be told obvious facts over and over again like some dope. They’re just stupid dreams that I can’t control. Can’t you understand that? I don’t plan on overthrowing you either, so you don’t have to worry about that. It’s just… I don’t know. I just wanted something stupid, I guess.”

Suddenly, Kylo softened and looked genuinely apologetic. “I’m sorry, Hux,” he said. 

Hux froze once again in shock. Kylo looked almost like a young teenager with his expression like that. Of course he still maintained his strong posture and presence to show Hux he wasn’t being weak. Hux could admire him for that. It was Kylo’s face that shocked him. 

The soft look on it almost made him feel queasy in all honesty. It was much too different and looked wrong. Was Hux’s disappointment and sadness really so obvious that it was affecting Kylo? He must be more pitiful than he imaged.

Hux damned himself for even having these emotions in the first place. If he didn’t care about love like he was supposed to then he wouldn’t be stuck in this awkward situation. His father had always told him that love wasn’t for him and no one could ever love him back, and maybe he was right now. Hux was feeling like love was for fools all right. 

When Kylo didn’t say anything else, Hux took initiative to continue the conversation. 

“Sorry for what?”

“For hitting you the other day. It was immature and childish of me to do, and no doubt humiliating for you to experience,” Ren apologized. 

“Oh, hitting me? Across the face? I wasn’t- no, I mean I didn’t- … you’re apologizing for _slapping_ me?” Hux repeated in disbelief.

“You’re dismissed, General. We won’t speak of this conversation or topic ever again as long as I’m Supreme Leader. You can leave now.”

Hux watched as Kylo turned around hesitantly before adding, “I hope your hand heals quickly.”

Ren entered one of the many doors before closing it behind him. Hux swallowed and took his leave like Kylo had said. Outside the door, Hux let his mind go loose and try and catch up with what had just happened. 

Thanks to his love for Ren, he’d been called here and forced to truly confess. He had to fib to Ren and say he didn’t want what his dreams gave him, and then got hit with a sympathy bomb. _Ren apologized to me for something? Impossible,_ he thought. _For hitting me? Did he just not want to apologize for not liking me back? Is that it?_ Hux nearly hit the side of his head in frustration. He didn’t want to have to deal with this. 

His heart weighed heavy in his chest on his walk back to his quarters. Ren had seemed honestly sorry for him, possibly even sympathetically compassionate. It was too out of character for the idea of Ren in Hux’s mind, if that made any sense at all. Ren had never once in his life looked at Hux the way he had tonight. 

Maybe he really _was_ sorry for him. Hux felt a cold hatred spread through him like ice at that revelation. 

_I don’t_ _need_ _your pity, Ren. I don’t need_ you _and I don’t even need your trust anymore. I almost wish I’d never met you._

Hux knew he didn’t truly mean it when the weight in his chest increased and he couldn’t look up anymore. He couldn’t stand this. He was feeling that authentic sadness for the first time in quite a few years, and it was killing him from the inside. He could suppress it this time, keep it in check and forget about it, but if he ever felt like this again then he’d probably finally lose it. 

The sense of guilt in his heart only told him it was true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Careful Kylo, your Ben side is showing!
> 
> also i accidentally spent my Valentine’s Day rewatching most of Death Note on the couch with my sister :/


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things go wrong on Hux’s mission to Arkanis and he and his crew run into trouble. All Hux wants is a quiet, non stressful life. Too bad that won’t ever happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Epic chapter with a new face popping in and stealing the show.

For some unknown reason, Ren felt the need to see Hux off on his special mission. 

A week after their terribly awkward and unnecessary talk in his quarters, Ren had given Hux a sudden mission. He had even delivered it in person while sat comfortably on Hux’s bed. It must be important for such a face to face relay, but as it soon turned out, it was more like a “get out of my face for a few days” kind of mission. Hux almost felt hurt by it.

He’d have to leave the First Order fleet and take a private ship on a sort of check up trip to the training base of Arkanis. Hux suspected that Ren chose him because he had grown up there for a few years and would thus remember the layout and basics of the planet. But he was no fool. He knew the real reason he was chosen was so that they wouldn’t have to see each other for a while. It was smart. Maybe Ren wasn’t a complete idiot. 

The fact that Ren felt he had to go through the trouble of sending Hux and his crew off showed that he didn’t fully trust him. Hux could say the same back. The only good part of this mission besides the fact that he could lose some stress was that Dopheld was going on it as well. 

Lieutenant Mitaka was sitting stiffly in his control chair next to Hux, completely absorbed in his work. While he was doing that, Hux was stuck in a short conversation of formality with Ren’s sorry ass. How he envied his friend.

“It’s a simple mission to Arkanis to see how the regiment is doing and to collect supplies,” Ren said. “I expect you back in no more than three days. Understand, General Hux?”

“Like you said, Supreme Leader, it’s a simple mission. We won’t fail it,” Hux replied with his perfectly practised and fake respect. 

“There’s been Resistance fighters spotted throughout the path to Arkanis, so be wary.”

“We can handle a few Rebel scum without any trouble, sir. And even if we’re blown to bits, it’s just a simple mission. So it won’t matter much to you if we disappear, right?”

Ren looked like he was about to say something but stopped and just nodded his head instead, looking away. Hux was thankful for that.

“You know, Hux... I’ve been having odd visions as of late,” Ren said suddenly. 

“Visions?” Hux slowly asked, trying to ignore his genuine curiosity.

“Of our new empire ruling the galaxy, standing above all. If they’re true, then I’d have to get help from an external force.”

“What kind of source?”

“You’ll see soon enough, Hux. But if it’s true, then we’ll be unstoppable.” Ren paused and added, “you weren’t there with me. That was the strange part.”

Hux was caught off guard and nearly stumbled on his words. “What do you mean by that, sir? Of course I would... of course I would stand by your side while you conquered the galaxy.”

  
Ren didn’t answer him or even give a flash of acknowledgment. Hux stood stunned and watched his Supreme Leader take his leave. He felt the engines of the ship whirring to a start, making him sway unbalanced.

 _What did he mean by_ our _empire? Mine and his? Or the First Order’s in general? What a fool._

Taking his seat at the front of the transport ship, Hux let his gaze fall over the rest of the crew to clear his mind. There was Dopheld of course, two new privates next to him, and one stormtrooper. It was a decent sized crew- if not a small one- and Hux cursed the fact that he was lumped in with them. He was a General, not a babysitter. To be thrown in the same category as the rest of the crew was insulting. _Maybe that was Ren’s plan,_ he thought. _Humiliate me even more than he already has._ Hux clenched his fist and looked out the windows. 

Space was, frankly, boring and empty. Once you got over the wonderment of its vastness, it quite honestly became pointless and rather trashy. Even with hyper speed it could take upwards of hours just to get to your destination. You would hope they’d have come up with a more refined recipe for it by now.

Hux remembered how he would gaze up at space as a young child with uncontained joy and wonder, just wishing for the day he could explore it. He likely just wanted to get off the dreary planet he called home and was using the broken Empire and it’s territory as an escape. Well, now he could travel anywhere he desired and he didn’t even want to. Instead, Hux fidgeted in his seat with boredom. It hadn’t even been five minutes and he was already anticipating their landing. 

“Excuse me, General Hux, sir. We should be arriving at Arkanis in about two standard hours,” the female private told him. 

“Ah, good. Tell me when we’re half an hour out and I’ll send a transmission to the Arkanis base.”

“Yes sir.”

_Two hours.  
_

_Kriff this is going to take forever. Damn I miss Starkiller base._

Hux decided to spend a short while reminiscing about his old life. The life he had while being the head of Starkiller base and reigning supreme, not his life on Arkanis. He would much rather forget all about his childhood and just pretend he was always a sleep deprived and force choked adult.

On Starkiller, Ren was equal to him, if not lesser. He had no power on Hux’s creation. Ren showed up in his fancy scarf and mask, swung his saber around angrily from time to time, and left. Hux did all the dirty work. He could do whatever he wanted to anyone on board without question or reprimands. But now- _now_ he was nothing. All the power he once cherished more than life was gone.

It was all because of the Rebel scum who blew his precious and young Starkiller to bits. They would suffer by his hand if it was the last thing he did. 

Hux rested his cheek in the palm of his hand. The ship was silent except for the beeps and blips of the buttons that the two privates would sometimes press. Dopheld was also wearing a somewhat bored expression on his usually cheery or fearful face. Hux inwardly laughed, the small beginnings of a smile making their way onto his lips. A serious look like that was out of place on Dopheld’s childish image. _If he keeps frowning like that then he’ll be as ugly as Snoke was by the time he’s my age._

While Dopheld sighed, Hux glanced at the time displayed on an analog clock. There was still forty five minutes go until they reached Arkanis. Usually, the trip wouldn’t take nearly as long as it was today, but the First Order was in the midst of a hyperfuel shortage currently. They couldn’t afford to waste it on a simple mission like this. Simple mission. Hux scowled at that thought. Then, he nearly fell out of his seat at the sudden rumble of the ship. 

“What’s happening? Is it an asteroid field?” he frantically asked. 

“No, General Hux, sir! It’s a Rebel ship! They’ve got us in their tracking beam!” the male private panickaly yelled back. 

“Damn Rebel scum! All power to the thrusters, get us out of here!”

“We can’t, sir! The engines have been shut down!”

Hux stood from his seat and seethed. Dopheld reached into the glove box in front of him and pulled out their emergency blasters. He tossed one to Hux. He caught it and turned the safety off, holding it tightly in his right hand. The two privates were obviously confused and starting to freak out. They were fidgeting and giving vain attempts to exit the tracking beam, knowing it was futile. Hux could almost applaud their determination. Almost. 

“Calm down,” he instructed. “The rebels are too stupid to kill us. They’ll just try and take us prisoner or interrogate us.”

“But, sir! You’re important enough to be captured, but we’re just privates! What will they do with us?” the male squeaked out. His woman companion shook her head in agreement, looking to her General. 

“I won’t let them harm you,” Dopheld said before Hux could tell them to toughen up. “Don’t panic. Use your combat training for good here.”

The privates looked at each other and then nodded to Dopheld. He put a hand on each of their shoulders and nodded.

Hux kept eyeing the hatch to the ship. The stormtrooper with them was taking aim already, ready to do his one job. It was a tense few moments before the hatch clicked open and a stun bomb was thrown down into the room. Hux and Dopheld immediately backed up and braced their arms in front of their faces, tensing their legs for the impact. The privates jumped to the floor and hid behind the chairs, covering their shaking heads each other’s arms.

The stun sent Hux’s mind spinning like a top. He fell against the wall and slammed his head on the hard metal. Dopheld fell on top of him and immediately got ready to protect his General, though it was plain to see that he wasn’t in the right mind frame to do so. Hux feverishly looked around the ship and saw the stormtrooper dead on the ground next to the two panicking privates. _At least they’re okay,_ he found himself thinking. _Where’s_ _those rebel scum?!_

Just as he thought it, it came to life.

Hux saw a blaster shot fire through the room and ricochet into the control panel. It sent sparks flying onto him and Dopheld, causing them both to cover their heads until it ended. Hux heard the dull thump of boots hitting the ground and gazed up. Through the haze of his mind, he was able to make out who it was and felt his heart sink. Of all the rebel scum in the galaxy, it just _had_ to be _him_ who caught them. Hux lowered his hat over his eyes to better hide his identifying ginger hair. Too bad for him, his assailant had already caught sight of him and was wearing a giant, shit eating grin. 

“Hugs!” Poe Dameron cheerily and cockily called out, sounding genuinely excited. “Get a load of this, guys! We caught General Hugs himself!” 

Hux groaned and pushed Dopheld off of his lap. His Lieutenant friend protested but still held his blaster at the ready. Dameron, still keeping his signature happy demeanour, pulled his own blaster out and aimed it at Dopheld. 

“Don’t try it,” he warned. “You’re outnumbered. Just ask your General; he knows what’s up.”

Dopheld warily glanced back at Hux, keeping his blaster raised. Hux sighed after a moment of calculation and pulled him up with him. He stood up proud and kept his blaster lowered at his hips. Signalling to Dopheld to put his own blaster down too, he fixed his hat back in place and glared. He looked up at the open hatch and saw four more faces peering down. He suspected there would likely be more not presently seen, especially since he wasn’t aware of the size of the Resistance ship. Realizing that Dameron was right, Hux bit his lip and cast his gaze to the ground. 

“It seems you’ve caught us,” he admitted. “What will be your course of action now, Dameron?”

“Hey, you remembered my name. He remembered my name guys! Good on you, Hugs,” Poe laughed. 

“General Hux is an incredibly important figure in the First Order. I-If you kill him, then Supreme Leader will surely have your head,” the male private stuttered. Hux looked at him with proud surprise. 

“We won’t hurt Hugs. He’s actually very important to us as well.”

“It’s _Hux._ ”

“I know!” Poe chuckled. “Kaydel! Throw the ladder down!”

The blonde haired girl grinned and let the ladder extend downwards. Hux swallowed his breath. The two privates looked over to the dead stormtrooper and then back at their superiors, waiting for instructions like loyal pets. Hux didn’t have any to give, and neither did Dopheld. 

Two Rebel fighters came down from the hatch and landed with a thud. Luckily, Hux didn’t know them. Being discrete, he nudged Dopheld while the privates were being forced up the ladder. 

“When you have the best possible opportunity, I want you to get the privates and start the ship. We’ll use the escape pods onboard and get to Arkanis that way,” he whispered. 

“But what about you?”

“I’ve got my knives under my coat still. I’ll escape using force, just give me a signal and I’ll go.”

“Hux… we should prioritize your escape over all else. I’ll-”

“Drop it, Mitaka!” Hux yell-whispered. “Escape when you can and leave me if you have to. You can send an emergency signal on Arkanis.”

Dopheld looked sorrowfully at Hux but dropped the conversation. He didn’t struggle as the rebels forced cuffs on him and led him away. Hux was left alone with Poe, and the commander seemed pretty pleased at that fact. 

Hux was cuffed as well and awkwardly dragged up to the bigger ship. He nearly tripped on the ladder twice and slammed his jaw, much to his embarrassment. The ship he was led into was fairly large for the rebellion, and was well stocked with an ample crew. Besides the four he’d already seen, minus Dameron, there were at least three more mingling around. He suspected this was a crew for long reconnaissance mission that only just happened to stumble upon his ship. What luck.

Hux suddenly felt very out of place. He tried to ignore the many faces staring at him and whispering, but to no avail. He wondered if Dopheld was getting the same treatment. Probably not. He wasn’t nearly as “famous” as the deadly General Hux, or General Hugs as Dameron insisted. It’s not like Dopheld was responsible for the indirect killing of billions.

“Kaydel, could ya toss Hugs in the empty room for a second? I gotta make a quick report to General Organa. Please?” Poe asked.

“Yeah yeah, don’t sweat it Poe. I’ll just lead the deadly First Order criminal across the ship all by my lonesome,” Lieutenant Connix said sarcastically. 

“He’s cuffed and the same size as you, don’t sweat it. Break his nose if he makes any trouble why dontch’a?” 

Poe grinned over his shoulder and sprinted to make his report, no doubt excited to mess with Hux again. Lieutenant Connix took her job seriously and suddenly- and quite rudely-shoved Hux forwards. He stumbled slightly but regained his footing and walked where she led. _What would Ren think of me now? Captured by the Resistance like an idiot!_ He thought.

Hux dug his gloved nails into his palms to calm himself down. It didn’t work. 

He waited in the small room that Connix put him in for a few minutes before Poe showed his pretty face again. Hux was sitting on the floor with his right arm raised above his head, cuffed to a jutting pipeline. Really, they couldn’t even spare a proper interrogation room for him. It was insulting honestly. Not only that, but his arm was extremely uncomfortable and the position forced his uniform up and made the collar dig into his neck. Poe smiled down at him and took a quick picture with his datapad. Hux immediately started struggling and covered his face. 

“Photo shy, General?”

“Shut your trap, Rebel scum,” Hux growled. “I won’t answer to you.”

“Aw, why not? I thought we were friends, Hugs. Friends help each other out, don’t they?”

“Hux! It’s General _Hux!_ Not Hugs.”

“Alright, alright... _Hux._ Can ya tell me where you were going before we kinda captured you?” 

Hux didn’t answer. He leaned his head against his upright arm and faked a bored yawn. Secretly, he would do anything to get an annoyed rouse out of Dameron. But sadly for him, it didn’t work and the resistance commander kept his happy attitude. Hux almost felt embarrassed. He wondered for a second about the whereabouts of two privates but focused his attention on escaping. 

With one arm above his head, shackled, it would be harder to escape now. Luckily though, his trusted greatcoat knives were hidden in his left sleeve, not the right. The only problem with his escape plan now was how hard it would be to overpower Dameron and cut his chain. Could the metal the Resistance used even be cut with a knife? How strong was Dameron? He may be the same height as Hux, maybe even a bit smaller, but he certainly seemed stronger and much more well toned.

Hux side eyed Dameron and tried to size him up. Luckily for him, the Resistance didn’t have figure hiding uniforms like the First Order- or uniforms of any kind besides flight suits. Hux thought it was terribly incompetent and unprofessional. 

“You suddenly turn into a selective mute or what, Huxy?” Poe asked, finding a new nickname to torture Hux with. “Hey, what’s your first name anyways? I bet it’s something cute like Daffodil or Serencia.”

“Are all your interrogation this childish?” Hux sneered back, ignoring the question. 

“Only ones with me as the interrogator. I like to have fun. Though, I guess with guys like you it would be better to be a little more harsh. Or a lot more.”

“Ah, good to see that at least _some_ of you scum have a half working brain.”

Poe frowned at Hux and crossed his arms. “You done?”

“With what?”

“If you don’t answer to me then you’ll have to answer to my buddy Rey,” Poe explained, “and she’s not nearly as lenient or cool as me.” 

Hux froze and racked his memory. The name was so familiar to him, like he’d heard it tens of times before. _Ren would say that name sometimes. Rey… Rey!_ Hux remembered and felt panic crawl up his spine. Rey, the last Jedi and force user. Well, besides Ren of course, but he could hardly be considered a Jedi. Hux desperately tried to search for an appropriate answer. _Kriffing hell, Dopheld. Just give me a signal already!_

“Nervous?” Poe asked. 

“Of course not. We don’t bow our heads and quiver in the First Order.”

“You think that your two private buddies would answer me? Cause if they will then I’ll just go ask them my questions and leave you for Rey.”

“Don’t!” Hux suddenly blurted, regretting it instantly. 

“Holy shit, are you scared? Like of the force?” Poe laughed, surprised. 

“I’m not.”

“Then tell me what you and your boyfriend were doing on this ship. Where were you all headed? Honeymoon vacation? Are those privates your adopted kids?” Poe joked. 

“Boyfriend?” Hux asked angrily, a red threatening to shine on his cheeks. “Are you insinuating that Lieutenant Mitaka and I are in a relationship? How brain dead _are_ you?”

“Well I hit my head on the latch of my X-Wing a lot, so probably at least a little bit,” he answered honestly. “Come on, just help me out here, Huxy. What’s the First Order planning?”

“I’d rather die than to tell you scum anything!” Hux said while struggling against his chain. 

He could see that Poe was starting to get frustrated. Hux grinned. He finally had a little control over the situation. Fingers twitching to get his knife, Hux waited in silence for his captor to make his next move. 

Apparently, he didn’t have to wait long. A loud bang echoed through the ship and made Hux and Poe cover their ears and screw their eyes shut. In the spur of the moment Hux took his opportunity. He clicked the switch that ejected his knife and made work of the weak joints of the chain. Poe started to panic and forced himself on top of Hux to stop him while he was still cutting.

In the thirty seconds it took Hux to saw through the chain, he received a split lip, got his hair unparted, and got quite a few kicks to the stomach and crotch. He bounced up and kicked Poe in the side, forcing him to the ground. Quick as he could, he pried the door open and slammed it behind him. Without checking to see if Poe was following him, he sprinted through the halls, trying to remember the way to his ship. 

“General!” called the female private. “Follow me!”

Hux narrowed in on her and followed her lead to the ship. He saw the male private and Dopheld already crawling down the hatch. Dopheld paused for a moment at seeing his friend but quickly finished his decent. The girl and Hux followed suit. Hux jumped down and cursed the flare of pain that erupted from his knees. 

“Come on!” Dopheld yelled. “Stations at ready! Prepare for jump to hyperspace after detachment from the Rebel ship!”

From his seat, Hux could clearly see the dark crimson liquid that was dripping from Dopheld’s face. It left stains on his uniform and trickled onto his chin. Dopheld didn’t seem to care or even notice. Hux felt an odd sense of caution and unease wrap its talons around his heart. He slowly let Dopheld take charge and did his part to aid in their escape. 

Two voices shouted from above them and the sounds of the hatch being hit sounded through the room. Dopheld flipped the last switch and readied himself for hyperspace. Hux and the privates did the same. 

When Hux looked back out the front window he saw the stars zooming past them. He breathed a sigh of relief and sunk into his chair, finally relaxing. He just now noticed that his hat was left in his impromptu interrogation room with Dameron, forced off by the scuffle. _That’s fine,_ he told himself. _You just escaped the Resistance. Focus on the mission now, not your damn hat._

“General, we should be arriving in under two minutes at this speed,” said the female private. 

“It’s not wise to waste our hyperfuel like this,” Dopheld pointed out. 

“Yes, but we had no other choice,” Hux sighed. “You, private. Send a message with my communicator that we’re ahead of schedule.”

“Me, sir?”

“No, the girl,” Hux said as he threw his device at her. 

She caught it awkwardly and started pressing the message through. Hux looked over at Dopheld again. The blood look absolutely disgusting on him. Dopheld wasn’t meant to be a killer, not like Hux was. It eerily upset him that his friend most likely had to result to murder to help him escape. Hux clenched his fist and took his greatcoat off. Holding it for a moment, he put it over Dopheld’s shoulders and leaned back. 

“Wh- Hux?”

“Cover yourself up with that,” he said, not looking at Dopheld. “When we get to Arkanis I want you to take a shower and get a clean pair of clothes, okay?”

Dopheld’s mind processed what Hux meant. When it did, he warmly smiled at him, pulling the coat over his arms. “Yeah, I will. Thanks, Hux.”

“Don’t mention it,” he replied quickly, going back to doing nothing. 

A few moments later and his ship exited hyperspace. In front of them was no other planet but Arkanis. Hux’s home planet. 

He swallowed his anxieties and tried to not remember all the memories he had of that wretched place, the good and the bad. _At least it’s not a downpour right now,_ he optimistically thought. _Only a drizzle..._

“We’re entering the atmosphere. Prepare for turbulence,” the female private said. 

Hux sat still and watched his dreary, damp, and disgusting planet come closer and closer. He just wanted to get this mission done with as soon as possible and go home to a warm room and Millicent. What a good cat she was.

Lost in his thoughts, Hux suddenly tensed up as the ship started shaking much more than it should be. The privates starting panicking again and buckling themselves in. Hux quickly followed suit, understanding what was happening.

  
_Great.  
_

_A crash landing is_ exactly _what I need right now._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trust me, the Resistance is going to show up again. You haven’t seen the last of Poe Dameron.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A crash landing, a doctors visit, a walk in the rain, and 34 years of repressed emotions coming back up. Sorry for doin you like this Hux.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: This chapter has lots of introspection and looks at Hux’s past abuse in detail. There’s lots of verbal and mental abuse, and breakdowns. Brief mentions of suicide and self hatred.

Hux groggily pushed himself up from the ground, straining his aching body till it was unbearable. His hands slipped in the mud and he fell back into the ground, groaning in discomfort. Dirt stained his collar and chin. In the distance, he could faintly hear the shouts of desperation over the constant ringing in his head and rain. One shouting voice was much closer than the others. In fact, it sounded like it was right next to him. 

Turning his head with much effort, he saw that Dopheld was laying at his side. His friend was struggling to his knees and calling out for the privates and also for help. Hux hissed as a sudden sharp wave of pain flared from his ribs. He pushed himself to his elbows and knees again and breathed in deep. 

“Dopheld…” he groaned out. “Did we land near the ship?”

“Hux? Oh thank Maker, you’re awake! Yes! I can see help in the distance.”

“Oh, good. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. The real question is if _you’re_ okay. You’ve been passed out since I woke up and I thought you… well it doesn’t matter. You’re awake now.”

“I’ll kill those disgusting rebel scum,” Hux swore. “This is a low blow, even for them.”

Dopheld looked at him hazily for a second before smiling warmly. _Hux hasn’t been too bashed up if he’s still acting like his usual self,_ he thought to himself. “You think they tagged our ship?”

“Most definitely.”

Hux looked to the distance and saw a small horde of people and other species running up to him and Dopheld. He breathed a sigh of relief and tried his best to stand on his own with as little help as possible. Hux didn’t know if he could walk all the way to the local med bay by himself, so in an unwilling act of physical weakness, he let them hoist him up and support his arms with their necks. He hopefully suspected that in a few hours he would be fine and could make his report to Ren with ease.

“General Hux, sir, are you alright?” the male holding him up asked. 

“I’m fine,” Hux snapped, his head throbbing. “I’m just a little light headed is all. I can take care of myself.”

“With all due respect, sir, you’re bleeding from your sides and thigh. We’ll need to send you to our medbay.”

“I’ll take care of it myself! Just give me a place to sit down for a while.”

The young man looked conflicted. The pissed off and tired glare from Hux frightened him enough to not raise his concerns. He swallowed his reply and looked to the ground as he and his companion carried the General off to safety. Hux kept his head up and did his best to walk at the same pace as them. 

His leg almost screamed in protest. He could feel the thick liquid dripping from its wound and down to his ankles, seeping into the fabric of his socks. It made him squirm. Maker how it was disgusting and humiliating. 

The stagger to the Arkanis training base seemed gruellingly long to Hux, though it was only a five minute stroll. He was placed in a white room with a woman who he presumed was a doctor and left to sit on the soft bench. Before the door to the room closed, he saw the woman private’s unconscious body being carried to another room. He guessed she was going to be put in a bacta-tank, and that she sustained the worst of the crash. At the angle they entered the atmosphere, she would have taken more of the force than the rest of them. Hux felt a little remorse for her. 

“General Hux, I’m Doctor Hana-Ji,” the woman with him said softly, “and I’m to look at your injuries. I apologize for your rude arrival to Arkanis, but from what I’ve heard, you used to live here, correct?”

“I did as a young boy. But that was so long ago that I’ve forgotten most about this dreary planet,” Hux spat. He truly wished he was anywhere else in the galaxy at this moment. 

“That I can agree with you on. Arkanis surely is a rainy, cold planet. Could you lift your arms and tell me if it hurts?”

Hux did so. He got them half way over his head before he started to wince. Hana-Ji noted it into her datapad before turning back around. Hux liked the way her black hair caught the bright light of the room. He let her lift his shirt to see the shallow wound under his rib cage with little protest. The sight of the red, pussing laceration made his stomach churn. 

He was fine with seeing injuries much worse than this on other beings- he saw them nearly everyday- but to see his own body wounded, weak, and traumatized, made him want to vomit. What kind of Emperor would ever let himself get hurt like this? And by scrap metal no less. It was absolutely pitiful. 

Hana-Ji put Hux’s shirt back down and went to get a sterile cloth from a cabinet. She rinsed it with disinfectant and held it to his wound. Hux drew a sharp breath but kept his composure. The bacta-patch being put on his abrasion felt good and cold against the burning heat of his body, but it still carried the uncomfortable sting. He relaxed a little in the seat, letting himself sink down a bit. His thigh wound seemed to disagree with that and sent out another wave of pain in retaliation. Hux but his tongue and held his hands over his thigh. 

He stiffened as Hana-Ji removed his hands and placed her own there. It hurt. Hux felt a trickle of panic start to etch its way up his spine when she started to tug his pants down. Obviously she had to, and she didn’t mean anything by it, yet Hux still felt himself growing anxious. He discreetly nudged his good leg over closer to the other to make himself more comfortable. Despite it though, he still felt his embarrassment show on his cheeks. 

“Ah, good. It’s not that deep of a gash and there’s no debris. A disinfectant and a large bacta-patch should do the trick,” the doctor said cheerily. 

Hux nodded and gave a grunt of approval. Once again the disinfectant stung and the bacta-patch felt heavenly. He didn’t move his legs and kept them crossed until Hana-Ji left the room after giving him instructions on keeping himself healthy. Only then did he let himself truly relax. 

It was a while later when he felt good enough to stand on his own two feet and walk around the complex. His leg still hurt though. 

Remembering his childhood, Hux recalled being in this building once or twice, but not nearly enough to know the layout. He wondered aimlessly, peering into open doors and hallways, until he saw the front office. The first actual person he found though was Dopheld taking a nap on a loveseat. Hux looked at him with annoyance. 

How could he be sleeping at a time like this? Does nearly dying tire you out that much? Hux came closer and realized with a start that Dopheld was using his greatcoat as a pillow and as a warm blanket. As if on cue, he cuddled deeper into it, lost in his, hopefully, pleasant dreams.

Hux paused and bit his lip, deciding to let Dopheld nap a little while longer. Maybe his biggest weakness wasn’t himself but instead his love for his friends. He didn’t know. As a compromise, and so he didn’t feel like he was growing soft, Hux took a slip of paper from the suggestions box and wrote a note to leave for Dopheld when he woke up. 

_Dopheld, when you awake I want you to send a signal to the First Order. Not to Ren and certainly not to Pryde. I’m heading on a walk and will be back later. -Hux_

He finished the note and placed it gently on his chest so he’d see it as soon as he came to. Once Hux was sure that nothing would blow it away, he took his leave. A walk would be good for him, and luckily the rain was in the midst of a light drizzle. It was still enough to dampen his bones if he stayed out too long, so he took a black rain protector from the closet before leaving. 

The cold rain felt painfully familiar on his face. 

Hux took a deep breath and lowered his head to look at the floor. The pitter-patter of the raindrops drummed it’s way into his skull, unrelenting. 

He hated it.

But he didn’t go back inside. Inside the complex he’d have to deal with other people, deal with the failure of his mission and the think of the future consequences. Ren would no doubt hate him after he got word. Who wouldn’t? A General who couldn’t complete an easy mission such as this without trouble? A General who got himself taken prisoner? It was disgustingly laughable. 

So he kept walking. He didn’t stop even when the rain soaked his bloodstained uniform and made it drip pink. The cold was starting to seep into his skin despite the clouded sun up above, shining its encouraging rays down as if to say, “it’ll all be alright in the end”. 

Hux clenched his jaw and went ahead. His thigh started to throb again. His side was stabbing him. His mind was corrupting him. He just wanted to go back to his old life. That’s all he wanted.

His old life before Ren even came to the First Order. Back then, he hadn’t had his wonderful title of General but was still well respected. _Everyone_ respected him. Even Snoke could see the potential in him. He had so much potential! Why did Ren need to tempt him and squish it? 

Hux felt his throat start to tighten. All his previous respect was gone. Not a single soul would grant him his true desires. He was a show toy of a General; an average face for the privates to cower under and for Pryde to laugh at.

The only ones who cared for him now were Phasma and Dopheld, and even then he could never be sure they truly liked him. Loved him? Everyone else thought of him as revolting and weak willed and fragile. He wasn’t fragile. He was tough as veskar and twice as sharp. A killing machine wired for success, incapable of failing. Or so he told himself. 

The respect and honour he’d coveted for so long was gone, wasted away by Ren. It was Ren who was his true enemy, he decided. If Ren hadn’t been born then none of this would be happening. Starkiller would have been his and his alone. He’d have ruled the galaxy with an iron fist, letting no one oppose him. Maybe if he’d been alone from the start it would have been better, too. 

The constant raising standards of his father drove him mad as a child. Nothing he did was ever good enough and the bar for blatant mediocrity was always just out of his grasp. It was always being tugged away the moment his fingertips brushed it. Tugged away by anyone who dared get to know him. Even now, he couldn’t reach anyone’s expectations, and especially not his own. Hux knew in his heart that his dreams of becoming emperor were a child’s fantasy, conjured up by an abused cur with a miserable life wishing for more.

Yet even as an adult, with his childhood and father's presence long behind him, he still wished for power. Power that, suddenly, he didn’t think he even deserved. Hux knew he couldn’t do anything right, he didn’t need to be told so anymore. The belief had been drilled into him in a sick and twisted way of making him stronger in his parents eyes. It may have worked in a sense, but it only served to add to the bubbling pot of repressed emotions inside of him. 

“Petty emotions are useless to a First Order commander.”

“You don’t need anyone, Armitage. No one could love an abomination like you.”

“You’re as thin as a slip of paper and twice as weak.”

All things his father and step-mother would tell him. But he wasn’t weak, or was he? He couldn’t even tell the difference anymore. 

  
“If you want to live as a boy then be my guest. Just don’t come crying to me when you’re put out for your shameful display”, they would taunt.

Hux had forced himself to endured it all until he was old enough to kill them. 

That day, the day Phasma and him truly became friends over the murder of his father, was the best day of his life. The best day. But it didn’t give him any pleasure. He thought that finally getting rid of Brendol would give him some sort of satisfaction. Joy. Delight. Freedom. Anything. But instead, all it gave him a hollow shell in his heart that could never be filled. He didn’t even know how or why he felt the way he did. He just felt bad for no reason. And that, he couldn’t stand. It was Brendol’s final attack on him.

If a day as joyous as that couldn’t even make him happy, what could? Maybe he was just destined for nothing but pain; mental, physical, verbal, and emotional.

Hux looked up from the ground and gazed over the cliff he’d walked to. What a nice place to have wandered near. He almost wanted to smile fondly at it. 

The raging sea beneath him was familiar in a good sense. This cliff was the singular decent memory he had of this dump of a planet. Everything else was to be forgotten. He swallowed back his fears and sat cross legged, gazing out at the rough waters, the wind tousling his hair. The splash of the waves would spray his face with sea water, but he didn’t mind. It was already soaked enough from the downpour. It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered really. 

The violent sea could almost be used as a bad metaphor for Hux if he cared for those. The waves being his insides and useless emotions, the cliff being the breaking point. Every so often some feelings would slip over the point and spill out into the open. His meetings with Ren, the disappointment of not being appointed Allegiant General, his terrible confession; all of those were minor points when he’d nearly cracked. But now he feared he’d finally break. The ocean would finally have a wave giant enough to break the cliff and let it fall away into despair, just like him. 

“Don’t be so philosophical, Armitage. Just keep them down. You can’t do anything right, can you? Why’d I have to be burdened with you as a misformed child?” Hux whispered to himself, imitating his parents. 

Hux cursed himself. He wanted to bury his past but yet here he was, forcing himself to relive it. Was this Ren’s intention? To send him here not on a mission, but to break him and have an empty, obedient man return? Hux wanted to laugh. At Ren or himself he did not know. It just felt like the right thing to do at the moment. 

So he laughed. 

He dry heaved and chuckled to himself like a madman. 

And by Maker, it felt good. His face rose to the sky and he let his face be stained with droplets. They mixed with the tears he didn’t realize he was crying into a plain concoction. Soon enough, his hysterical laughs turned to hollow retches and then to full scaled sobs. He held his pale face in his hands and puled and cried. 

As much as he tried to stop, the tears kept coming. He couldn’t tell if he was wiping them away, or if the rain was washing them down. His body spassemed with heaves. It hurt his side wound so much, but he couldn’t care right now. He felt weak to the lungs from his sharp and shallow breaths. How long had it been since he’d last cried like this? Cried at all? He couldn’t even attempt to remember. 

Even as a child he tried not to cry. It was difficult. His parents seemed to go out of their way to make him whimper with shame in a way that it made it seem like they _enjoyed_ seeing him weakened. Enric Pryde was no better. He’d belittled and teased Hux his entire career. Pryde was one of the only people in the First Order who knew he was transgender. Pryde had dirt on Hux. He had the worst blackmail he could possibly have.

Hux keeled over and fell to his hands and knees, leaning forwards and letting his tears mix into the mud.   
  


_Stop it. Stop crying. You’re a General. The fearsome General Hux. The galaxy trembles for you. So stop crying._

_Please just stop crying. Please. Please. I don’t want to cry anymore. I’m not a snivelling brat. I won’t cry, I promise._

_This is Ren’s fault. Everything is his fault. I hate him. It’s his fault for making me love him.  
_

_I don’t love him. I can’t love him. I want to rip his heart out and beat his face to a pulp. I want to kill him. I want to put him in his place, I want_

_It’s Ren’s fault. It’s Kylo’s fault. It’s Ben’s fault._

_It’s_ his fault.

“It’s his fault,” Hux whispered to himself in a trance. His soaking hair dabbled into the muddy ground. “I’m suffering because of Ren. It’s his fault. It’s not mine. It’s his.”

Hux smiled through his tears. They still flowed freely down his face, blending into the muddy earth. His knees and gloves were ruined. His raincoat was weighing down on him. Another large sob raked his body, causing him to drop his forehead to the ground. Nearly thirty years of pent up emotions were coming out at once. It was disgusting. _He_ was disgusting. 

He had to fix this. 

The idea came to him like a winged angel. The universe finally showed him love for the first time in his life. It gave him an idea, and what a splendid idea it was. It was two sides of the same coin, neither being able to exist without the other. 

Deep down in his soul, in the part that wasn’t crying, he knew it was terrible. He could never go through with it. He didn’t want to. Or maybe he actually did. 

Hux slammed his fist repeatedly into the mud in a fit of anger. His tears turned from ones of pain to ones of frustration. He imagined the earth as Ren and his fist as his will. He needed to do this, he decided. _I have to._

“Fine, Ren. You win…” he murmured shakily, looking up into space. “I’ve lost… I’ve lost everything to you.”

Another series of painful sobs took over him, though he could almost control them now. He glared up at the sky with fire in his wet eyes. His tears had been for Ren. His body had been for Ren. His actions had been for Ren. But not anymore. Now, his soul was for himself, and he was going to use it to destroy the man he hated so much. 

“I’ll kill you!” he screamed to the stars over the now pelting rain. “I’ll kill you and everything you stand for! I’ll kill the First Order if I have to! _I hate you!_ ”

Hux forced himself up from the ground and stood defiantly. His screams were pointless, he knew that, but he persisted anyways. It was like a new flame erupted inside him. A new force of life breathing its sweet scent into his mouth and throughout his lungs. He heaved and gripped his chest, pulling at the fabric and stumbling around.

“I’ll ruin you! I’ll murder you! I’ll disobey! Even a lapdog like me can bare its fangs, Ren! You’ve brought your own destruction onto yourself!” he yelled. “I’m sabotaging! I’m showing my true feelings! I fucking hate you, Kylo Ren!”

Hux finished his adrenaline fueled rant and stood still, facing the endless sky. The only sound he heard was his own ragged breathing. The sounds of rain faded into the distance, white noise to him now. The whole world was his now. He was the Maker and he was getting rid of a pest. A pest named Ren, and its companion named the First Order. 

Hux took one last look up and smiled. His tears had dried, or maybe the rain had stopped suddenly, and he was happy. His old life was gone. It was time to start a new chapter in the life of General Armitage Hux. 

He guessed he had to call himself a rebel now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally going to be longer and have a time skip at the end, but I’m saving that for the next chapter. This is the fics turning point in a sense. Soon it’ll join with the episode 9 plot and then diverge again cause I’m not letting him die like that!!!


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don’t even need to do these summaries I can just do them in the notes like a normal man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I try and write Pryde as that kind of friendly guy where they make it apparent that it’s a front and they really hate you but they fake being nice to egg you on. That’s how I see him :/

“Look! There’s the transport ship!” Dopheld said happily, pointing up to the large ship landing. 

Hux followed Dopheld’s finger and watched the ship start to land. It didn’t make him feel relieved like it was supposed to. He should be glad to be getting off this rainy dump, he really should. But the weight of his breakdown was still forcing him down. He couldn’t focus. 

He didn’t say anything, only glared upwards with empty eyes. It’d been less than half a day and they were already going back. Their mission was for nothing. A failure. Hux really did think that Ren sent him here to break him now. He wanted to scoff. He wanted to throw up. Ren was filth that couldn’t afford to touch him, but at the same time…

Hux slapped his face with his hand (he had since thrown his old gloves out so there was no dirty mud stain on his cheek) discreetly. _Snap out of it. Focus._

Beside him, the male private was standing awkwardly, fidgeting with his hands. His female friend had to be left behind for a while until she recovered, but Hux doubted she’d come back. The First Order didn’t care about privates or stormtroopers. They were disposable. But not him. Hux was important, even if Ren didn’t believe it. Nothing except what he himself thought was true. That’s how the world worked.

The transport ship landed gracefully on the ground and spewed mud out at all sides. It didn’t matter that some splashed onto Hux’s boots; they were already dirty enough. His entire uniform was dirty in fact. He could afford to throw out his gloves, but an entire uniform was another story. The spittle of rain wasn’t helping either. 

“Is our mission cancelled, sir?” the private asked Hux. 

“I assume so. We got the information but- well we’ll probably be questioned a bit because of our capture,” Dopheld answered for him, seeing how exhausted his friend looked. 

“Oh, alright.”

Hux stared dead eyed at the man who exited the ship. All his previous fury from enough hours ago came flying back. He bit his tongue hard enough to nearly draw blood as he watched Enric Pryde step out. Of all peoples, why him? 

Dopheld lightly grabbed Hux’s shoulder and nudged him forwards. Right, he was the captain of this mission. He’d have to make a report. _But why to Pryde? What’s that damn “Allegiant General” doing here anyways? Doesn’t he have more lying on his ass to do?_ Hux held in his retorts and forced himself to be as calm as he possibly could.

Pryde smiled at him; a cold smile with nothing but mockery behind it. Hux glared back and gave only a friendly wave of his hand. 

“You all look like drowned rats!” Pryde called, joking with obvious sincerity behind it. “Get on board before you freeze to death.”

Dopheld let go of Hux’s shoulder and gave him a pat before attending to the private. He helped the young man get on board and not make a fool of himself in front of his superiors. Hux remembered how he’d done that for Dopheld in the past when the lieutenant was brand new. It was almost a custom to take a young First Order member under your wing and have them look up to you. For Hux, that person had been Rae Sloane. 

Hux made his way on board. His footsteps felt heavy and loud on the metal of the ship, a stark contrast to the soft earth he had been sinking in to. Being out of the rain was enjoyable, but painful at the same time. Hux knew he would never come back here ever again, and now the last memory he’d have of Arkanis would be throwing his life away. He’d fallen to a lowly spy, much like the one who called himself DJ he’d met before. His nerves started to get the better of him. 

“General Hux,” Pryde greeted, “you look exhausted. Would you like a change of uniform?”

“Do you have one here?”

“It’s in the storage locker to the left and down the path. I trust that you’re competent enough to find it.”

_Bastard. I’m not a child!_ Hux inwardly grimaced but gave Pryde a patient, strained smile. He was sure Pryde knew how he truly felt towards him and flattery was pointless. Still, it was good practise. Pryde would use any opportunity to tattle-tale to Ren on him. _And he calls_ me _a child. Idiot.  
_

Just as Hux was about to take his leave to get a dry uniform, Pryde started talking again “Though,” he added, “it _is_ a Sergeant uniform, not a General one.”

Hux froze and tried to contain his annoyance. “I’ll stay wet then.”

“Really? I’d have thought you wouldn’t want to risk getting sick. And you’re dragging mud in the ship, it’s filthy.”

“I’m sorry, sir, but Arkanis is a muddy and rainy planet. I fell down and stained my uniform.”

Fell down. That was half the truth. Hux huffed and started to ring out his uniform above a trash bin, making sure to keep all the water off the floor. Pryde looked at him with an emotion Hux couldn’t place. Whatever it was, he was sure that it wasn’t a positive one. Nothing about Pryde was ever positive. He was an average old man who should just retire already. 

Hux spotted Dopheld talking with two flight attendants on board. He seemed calm enough chatting to them, happy, almost. Hux felt guilt tear its way into his heart. He couldn’t ever tell Dopheld what his current plan was, meaning he’d have to lie to his friend for the remainder of his life. It was a painful thought. But even worse than lying to Dopheld would be deceiving Phasma.

She was an extremist, a loyal servant to the end. If she ever found out about his defection she’d surely have his head; their friendship forgotten. 

“General,” Pryde half-yelled, trying to get Hux’s attention. 

“What?”

“We’re going to hyperspeed. Sit down unless you want to embarrass yourself more than you already do.”

Hux held back his anger at the last moment before he could give an arrogant retort. He sat down on a bench and braced himself for the jump, crossing his arms across his chest. Dopheld smiled at him and sat down next to him. Hux felt his heart tug again. Maybe it would be better to simply ignore him forever now. It would be better than the sinful feeling he would probably get for the rest of his life. Really, he was fine with killing billions but not with lying to his friend.

The jump to hyperspeed came and went quickly. It would be only a few minutes until they reached the First Order base. A few minutes until Hux would reach his home. _Is it even_ that _anymore, or am I just an unwanted pest there now?_

“You look sad,” Dopheld stated. Hux turned his head away and Dopheld frowned. He continued talking. “Are you just cold? I don’t think a walk in the pouring rain was a good idea, haha.”

Hux didn’t want to be reminded of his walk, but he liked the fact that his note had been read. He cast his gaze down and felt the rain soak his bones. He’d need a nice hot shower and blow dry when he got back to his quarters; quarters that didn’t really belong to him anymore. Dopheld started to grow worried at Hux’s blankness. 

“Hux, what’s wrong?”

“Hey, answer me!”

“Hux?”

“Hux!”

“What?” Hux said lowly, not strong enough to ignore Dopheld’s pleas. 

“What’s up with you? Are you anxious about making the report to Supreme Leader or something? You’re never this silent…” 

“I’m just- fine. I’m fine, Dopheld. Just cold like you said,” he lied. 

Though Hux couldn’t see it, Dopheld’s eyes lit up at that moment. He reached up his slightly soaked uniform and pulled out a folded up, dry and warm, greatcoat. Dopheld nudged Hux and presented it. The greatcoat unfolded neatly until it was at its full size. Hux looked at it in amazement. 

“I forgot I gave you that,” he said. 

“It wasn’t even a day ago. Thank you, by the way. It’s pretty comfy.”

“No problem… Are you sure you don’t want to wear it until we get there? It’ll keep you warm,” Hux suggested. 

“ _You’re_ the one who’s so frozen that he’s lamenting. I’ve already had this long enough anyways. A nice coat like this doesn’t suit a Lieutenant like me.”

Dopheld smiled. Hux wanted to smile back- to thank him more for remembering- but he didn’t. He simply nodded to his friend and put the coat over his shoulders. Already, it made him feel better. Just the feeling of it surrounding his skin soaked uniform comforted him. His greatcoat was large and boxy on him with a straight silhouette so it gave him a more masculine body shape, something much appreciated when you had a naturally slim and scrawny figure. 

Hux hugged it close to his body and discreetly rubbed its scratchy cotton sleeve on his cheek. Only two or three minutes later and they arrived back at the First Order fleet. Hux watched the stars fade back to normal and the ships come into view from the window. He was home. _Home… I don’t have a home anymore, do I?_ Hux inwardly laughed at himself. 

Him and Dopheld stood up together, their wet joints popping quietly. They both cringed. Hux nonchalantly stretched his back and made his way off the ship. A report to Ren was in due. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t at least a little bit nervous. Having just pledged to betray Ren and ruin his First Order made him reasonably on edge. 

The feeling of his boots hitting the Steadfast floor was different in a way. Hux felt almost as if he were a stranger amongst his coworkers, a rat in a cat's domain. _Does that mean I’m to be hunted now?_ he thought drearily.

Hux made himself calm down. No one in the First Order knew of his plan, so what’s the use of worrying? He was still the same “terrifying” and passionate General in their eyes. He could still act as loyal as he used to be. 

_Used to be, huh? Is that how I have to think now?_ Hux sighed and looked around. Dopheld was smiling with the private and making small talk again. They were even laughing together. Pryde was just exiting the ship and gestured for Hux to come forward. He did. 

“What do you need of me, sir?”

“You’re going to make a report to Supreme Leader, correct?” Pryde asked. 

“Yes, I was just about to go. Do you know where-”

“I wanted to tell you not to bother. Supreme Leader left on a private mission shortly after you went on yours. He’s gone.”

“Gone? Gone where?” _Does he know about me? Is that why he left? Private mission?_

“It’s a private mission, General. Even _I_ don’t know where exactly he went.”

“Well, then who do I have to make my report to? You?” Hux scoffed. 

“No, I’ll have Lieutenant Mitaka do that. You’re to go to your quarters and clean up,” Pryde said cockily, reaching to put his hand on Hux’s shoulder. 

Hux shrugged and dodged the cold pat. Pryde didn’t seem to mind. He waved Hux away with a flick of his hand and promptly turned to see Dopheld. The lieutenant immediately straightened up and took on a nervous energy. It seemed most officers went that way around Pryde’s presence. 

Perceiving that he was allowed to leave, Hux did so. He made haste to his quarters and slammed the sliding door behind him. Back at last in his private wonderland. 

He shoved his soaking boots off first and dumped the liquid contents down the air vent. In hindsight, it may not have best the decision, but he didn’t really care. He placed his greatcoat on the bed, making sure to fold it properly and neatly. 

Then, he looked around his quarters expectantly. Soon enough, a familiar furry face popped it’s way into view from the kitchen. Millicent happily trotted up to him and rubbed herself on his pants. Hux smiled his first real smile all day and picked her up. 

“I missed you, Millie,” he cooed in his baby voice, kissing his cats forehead. “You won’t believe what I had to go through today.”

Millicent batted her paw at Hux’s face. He half laughed and gently dropped her to the floor. 

“I’ll tell you all about it after I have a shower and put some warm clothes on,” he told her, knowing she was listening in her own special way. 

Hux went to the bathroom and started up a steamy shower, much hotter than usual. He got a fresh uniform from his closet and laid it ready on top of the sink. Millicent was shoving her paws under the door and scratching the bottom, much to Hux’s annoyment. He nudged her claws with his foot. 

Stepping into the scalding water was comforting. It felt like his outer layer of skin was being burned off cell by cell until he was a new man. He was shedding his old skin, his old life in the First Order, with the harsh and painful reality of his situation. _I have no choice. I can’t stay here anymore. Ren’s going to see through me soon enough with his stupid force magic, I know it. Kriff, this is pitiful!_

Hux dug his palms into his eyes and leaned his head back under the running water. It was even hotter on his face, almost too much to bear. Yet, being as stubborn as ever, Hux didn’t turn the temperature down, feeling that if he did it would be another admittance to weakness. He had to burn away his being. He had to. _I have to. Anyone in my situation would do what I’m doing, right? I’m sure Dopheld would defect if he dealt with the same things I do.  
_

_Right?_

“Wrong,” he muttered. “Wrong wrong wrong! Dopheld is a loyal man. He’s not a- a bastard cur like I am.”

Hux let the water run down his face a little longer before he started to wash his hair. The First Order shampoo was rather oily and plain, not even having a nice scent to it, so Hux would buy some of his own on trips he took. The little effort it took to purchase a bottle was well worth it. Having greasy or drandruffed hair didn’t exactly appeal to him, plus a strawberry and sugar scent wasn’t a bad added bonus. 

When he was finished, he carefully stepped out and rang out his hair with his towel. A black one, obviously, since the First Order didn’t have any originality in it. He ruffled his head and looked at himself in the mirror, entranced. 

His image was blurry and undefined from the steam, much like how he saw himself now. His future was _also_ blurry and undefined. It could go anywhere now. He could get killed by Ren or Pryde, kill them before they got the chance, run away with the Resistance, become a weasel. The possibilities were, sadly, limitless. 

“Imagine that,” he muttered to himself, watching his blurry mouth move in the reflection. “The infamous General Hux, on his knees begging for mercy from the Resistance. How laughable is that?”

Hux paused and looked down at the sink where his uniform lay. It gave him a sense of great guilt. Everything did now. Everything made him feel ashamed or empty. Would it be like this for the rest of his time here now? He hoped not. 

Taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly, Hux picked up his act. _You can’t sit in self sorrow forever. You made a decision and you’re sticking to it, damnit! You need information to leak to the Resistance, you need to gain their trust…_ He looked down again after wiping the mirror clear and started to put his clothes on, beginning with his underwear. Again, black, because apparently any colour ever was so offensive to the eye that it had to be destroyed. 

When Hux opened the bathroom door he was greeted by Millicent laying on the floor, stretching and showing her belly. He warmly smiled and gave her a long belly rub, sitting on the floor next to her and leaning against the door frame. Millicent got up and went to curl comfortably in his lap. She butted her cheek against his chin and purred. Hux scratched behind her ears absentmindedly. 

“You’ll always love me, huh Millie? I’m the one who feeds your fat face afterall,” he said with a tone of affection. “I hope you can come with me when I leave…”

_When? So I decided then?_ Hux thought. He sat on the floor for a while longer, content to let his spoiled feline love him. He’d have to tell Phasma that she didn’t need to come by and fill Millicent’s bowl anymore. _I wonder where she is right now… I wonder what the hell kind of “private mission” Ren’s on. Could I use that as information?_

“Just what the hell _is_ that good-for-nothing’s private mission about anyways?” he asked himself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a more domestic or chill chapter! Next one will have more plot and Ren will show up once again to torment the ginger man.


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re officially caught up to The Rise of Skywalker!! It’s another shorter chapter but I want to get one out every four days so it just happened. 
> 
> I’m realizing that I’m good with writing individual scenes but pretty crappy at writing transition scenes, so you’ll see that this chapter

“He’s almost beautiful to watch, is he not?” Pryde mused with an entranced tone. 

Hux looked at him doubtfully, not answering. From where he was standing, all that he could possibly say about Kylo was that he had gone insane. 

The estranged Supreme Leader apparently wasn’t able to complete his private mission by himself and he’d been forced to come back to the First Order for reinforcements. Hux would never forget the look in Ren’s eyes as he dictated over the Supreme Council that night. He could almost say he’d been terrified. His hands had trembled as well if he remembered correctly.

Two weeks had also passed since the Arkanis incident. He’d been on his toes the whole time, as jumpy as Millicent was. No one had commented on it, but he could tell Phasma was growing worried for him. Hux could never have imagined that day that he’d be on such a desolate and scorching planet such as this, much less that he’d have a front row seat to the slaughter raging below him. And what a slaughter it was. 

Kylo was killing the cultist creatures without abandon, not letting a single one fight back. His fleet of elite stormtroopers and knights were flanking on his sides, picking off stragglers or would-be assailants for him. But the mass of death was almost entirely on Kylo’s behalf. Hux watched from his perch as Kylo used his lightsabers hilt to knock a nameless opponent down to finish him off. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, watching Kylo fight was exhilarating and almost endearing in a sense. Hux brought his glove to his chin self consciously to hide his smile.

“He’s mad is what he is,” he said finally, breaking the silence between him and his superior. “We’re out here fighting against the newly restocked Resistance and he takes us out on a ghost chase to some abandoned planet. It’s poor leadership.”

“Don’t be like that, General. He’s our Supreme Leader. He must have a reason for this.”

“A private mission that requires this long to complete is absurd. If he’s so strong then why take us with him?”

“Why, any mission as glorious as this requires an audience. That’s just common knowledge,” Pryde all but purred.

Hux cast him a disgusted glare and then looked back down to Kylo. The long haired child was finally finishing up his massacre. The last of his poor victims were falling at his hand and the chaos was subsiding. 

Kylo was standing still and catching his breath, his shoulders sagging and his hair a matted, sweaty mess. If he was closer, he would have been able to see the tired eyes that betrayed the rest of his body. Hux felt like he was intruding on something private when he saw Kylo like that. But then again, he and everyone else probably were. Kylo seemed to forget about his audience when he went up to the small monument before him, his mind elsewhere. 

The object he picked up from within the pedestal was hard to make out. Hux could see it was glowing and triangular in shape, and he sensed Kylo’s excitement at holding it even from his far distance. The Supreme Leader raised his hand and flicked two fingers down without looking away, the signal for his ship to descend. Unluckily for Hux, due to his artificial high standing, he was on that said ship. 

He watched the ember ridden ground come closer and held his breath. Everyone on board started to become more tense, save for him and Pryde. Hux had already come to terms with the uselessness of his anxieties regarding Ren. His eventual death was unimportant and trivial, he’d been a dead man standing his entire life, so why begin to care now? He had a personal mission and by his name of Armitage Hux, he was going to complete it. 

Kylo’s own mission may just have been what he needed. 

The ships back hatch opened with an audible hiss. Everyone stood to attention to greet their Supreme Leader, all except him and Pryde once again. Kylo came in clutching the object at his side, trying to use his hands to hold it and his wounds at the same time. Hux could make out the faint stains of blood on his face and collar mixed with ashes and sweat, probably a mix of his own and his victims. The feral energy emitting from Kylo’s body was terrifying and intoxicating. It reminded Hux of just how dangerous his enemy truly was. 

“Pryde,” Kylo huffed out, discreetly leaning his weight against the hatch frame, “I want us to return to the Steadfast immediately.”

“As you wish, Supreme Leader,” Pryde said. 

_He obeys Ren like a dog to its master,_ Hux thought angrily. _But, I’m not better, am I?_ He crossed his arms and tried his best to ignore Ren, though his curiosity as to what he was holding was making it difficult. Should he greet Ren and welcome him back? Would that come off as condescending or caring? Hopefully neither. 

Hux bit the inside of his cheek and stayed silent. The whole ship was quiet as a snowfield, not a sound heard anywhere except for Kylo’s heavy and unsteady breathing. Hux secretly wanted to ask if he was okay, especially after he saw a small pool of blood forming at Kylo’s boots. It was a painfully awkward ride back to the fleet, but good for everyone, it was a quick one. As soon as they docked back at the First Order fleet, Kylo was out the door. He exited the ship and waited for the others, never looking back at them. Hux cautiously came out behind Pryde, using the old bastard as a makeshift shield, and stood tall. 

“We’re going to topple the Resistance once and for all now,” Kylo said suddenly to no one in particular. “With this, we’re unbeatable.”

“Supreme Leader, may I ask what it is?” Pryde said. 

“I’ll say tomorrow. Inform all Supreme Council members of a meeting tomorrow, 10 a.m sharp.” Kylo paused and then continued, as if his next sentence was an afterthought. “Allegiant General, take this to my quarters and leave it there. You’ll know where.”

Pryde lit up and took the object, staring at it in an evident awe like he knew what it was. Hux felt his curiosity grow even further. _Just what would Ren risk his life over? Certainly not a simple object like that._ His mind was racing with possibilities. He watched as Pryde bowed respectfully and cowardly before marching onwards to Ren’s quarters. Hux swallowed. He supposed he should take his own leave too, seeing as how Ren was ignoring him. 

So he did. Hux stared at the floor as he passed by his Supreme Leader, not daring to make any kind of accidental eye contact. He felt his heart sink into his stomach- something it did a lot more often than usual, when he felt a hand grip his shoulder. He turned around and kept his gaze cast downwards. 

“Hux,” Kylo asked, “how far is it to your quarters from here?”

“...Not far at all, sir. Why do you ask?”

“So your quarters are closer to here than mine?”

“I would think so.”

“Good,” Kylo said flatly. 

He let go of Hux’s shoulder and started walking. Hux watched him, confused. He brushed off where he had been touched and shuddered. Kylo was walking fast enough that Hux lost sight of him in a few seconds. _Is having a race with me to my room his definition of fun?_ he thought exasperatedly. _What a child._

Hux huffed and kept walking. Once he got back to his quarters, he could get the grime off him and relax. He could focus on the ever looming issue of his spying as well. Kylo would find out about it soon enough, and Hux had to act before that happened. He had a sure feeling that the mysterious mission to find Kylo’s object was something that he could use against him. He just had to figure out exactly what it was. 

The sight of his rooms door relaxed Hux’s teeming mind. He let a soft smile fade into his face when he stepped in. Millicent greeted him immediately with a loud yowl. Hux picked her up and held her to his eye level. 

“What’s wrong, kitty?” he asked. 

The silence that followed let Hux realize the oddity in his room. He lowered Millicent and put her on his hip like a football, then turned his attention to the bathroom door. 

It was closed firmly shut, and the faint sounds of running water echoed from behind it. Hux held his breath as the realization dawned on him. He tensed his body, tried- and failed- to control his temper, and dropped Millicent to the floor. Then he lost it. 

“Are you in my fucking shower, Ren?!” he burst. 

No reply.

Hux trembled and hit himself in the face to ground himself. _Ren asked where my quarters were so he could_ shower _faster… Kriffing hell is he stupid?!_ Hux felt his anxiety and anger levels increase ten fold. He had to stay as far away from Ren as possible now. If he had even the faintest idea of his plan of betrayal…. _He’ll have me executed at best,_ Hux thought to himself. _But I’d rather live in danger like that than to live in Ren’s eternal bondage._

Hux calmed himself down and sat on his bed frame. Ignoring the oddity of having Ren in his bathroom, he kicked his boots off and folded his greatcoat neatly on the covers. Millicent seemed more interested in the stranger in the bathroom than Hux, and she went to paw under the door. _You’ve already met him once before, dumb kitsy cat,_ Hux teased. _Lucky you. Only having to deal with him once every few months._ Hux cast a glare at the bathroom door, hoping Ren could sense his annoyance.

He quickly came up with a game plan for dealing with Ren and put it in action. Ever the schemer indeed. Firstly though, he’d have to wait for his Supreme Leader to finish wasting his water. Then, he’d have to stealthily convince Ren to get the fuck out his room and leave him alone. Hux slammed his back into his mattress and groaned. Maybe today was the day he finally croaked. 

The sound of water stopped after some agonizing minutes and was accompanied by two thuds. Hux directed his attention to the bathroom and scowled at it. _If you really can read minds Ren, then prove it now. Realize how much I want you_ out _of my damn room, alright?_ He let himself feel comforted by his familiar sleep blanket a moment longer before he pushed himself up. Hux went to his kitchenette and tried to look unbothered, which was a hard thing to do when the man who you’re trying to conspire against was only a few feet away from you. He swallowed unconsciously. 

“You couldn’t have just waited a few more minutes to shower?” Hux asked the wall when he heard the door open. “You just _had_ to come to my room to wash up?”

“It’s closer. You aren’t complaining, are you?” Ren replied. 

Hux watched Ren walk into view. He was wearing the same clothes as before, torn and bloodied, and actively drying his hair. It was spilling water droplets onto the polished floor and making a mess. Hux assumed Ren was only doing it to piss him off. _It’s something he’d do,_ he reasoned. Ren wrung out his black locks and stared at Hux, waiting for an answer. It was odd how the two of them could just start a semi-casual conversation like this, but being as “close” as they were, it was natural. No time for formalities among equals. Or so that’s what Ren would say on his few and far friendly days.

“I’m not,” Hux eventually said. 

“Where’s your cat?” 

“My cat? Why do you need to know where she is?”

“Don’t question me, General,” Ren grumbled. “You look worse than me. Go have a bath or something.”

Hux sucked in an angry breath. “You can’t tell me what to do in my own quarters, Ren. Get out.”

“After you take care of yourself,” was all Ren said in reply. 

Hux really wanted to wring Ren’s neck. He was sure Ren knew that without the aid of his force magic. They stared at each other for a moment before Ren narrowed his eyes and Hux accepted defeat. He reluctantly walked past Ren and went to the bathroom door. Holding onto the frame, he looked back at Ren and let a foolish question slip off his lips.

“Are you okay?”

Ren paused. “What do you mean?”

 _Well, I’m already screwed now._ “Were you badly injured? I... I saw you bleeding on the way back is all.”

“Are you concerned for my well-being, Hux?”

“Only if you want to think that,” he replied simply, letting Ren come up with his own answer to that question.

  
Hux closed the door behind him before he could hear a reply. He took a look at himself in the mirror and realized how shitty he really looked. _Ren wasn’t lying, huh?_

He spent longer than he wanted to admit in there. A shower with face and body wash, nail clipping, moisturizer, and a shave were all in due for him. He was having a small self care session, if you will. The past weeks had been unbelievably stressful for him, to the point where he could almost see wrinkles under his eyes. He was old even while being the youngest General in the fleet. What a joke. 

Hux scoffed and fixed his drying hair before opening the door. It was dark. The lights had turned off. Hux was confused for a moment and used the light of the bathroom to peer around, searching for the switch.

He felt like taking a blaster to the mouth when he looked at his bed. 

Apparently, Ren hadn’t left like he assumed he would and instead decided to make himself even more at home. Hux was greeted to the indescribable sight of Ren curled up and comfortably and dreaming away in his bed. He was out like a light and snoring softly, lost in his whatever kind of sleep he was having. The blanket was strewn about and the one pillow he had lay under his ribs rather than under his head.

Hux fidgeted with his hands and closed the bathroom door as quietly as possible, flinching at the click it made. He looked and saw Millicent dozing off next to the annoyance of a man too, going as far as to curl up in the bend of his stomach. It even sounded like she was purring. _You makerdamned fuzzy traitor._

Hux kept his gaze on Ren the entire time as he cautiously went to the bed to snatch his greatcoat, which, luckily for him, wasn’t too close to Ren’s body. Like hell he was going to wake him up to kick him out now. Ren would surely just be cranky and annoying again. Maybe he’d help himself to the fridge and closet while he was at it. He already seemed to make himself at home quite easily.

Hux tensed up as Ren stirred softly. He quickly yanked the greatcoat up and backed off to his desk. With his bed off limits, it was the best second option besides the bathtub, but that was wet and loud and uncomfortable. _Maybe the cat bed would do,_ he thought sarcastically. 

“Hey, Millie,” he whispered casutiously, “wanna come over here?”

Millicent ignored him and only twitched her soft ears. Hux didn’t blame her. His desk chair wasn’t soft at all, and the blankets on his bed were like velvet after long days. _You better enjoy it, Ren. Imagine, being kicked out of my own bed by the man I love. Pitiful isn’t it?_

Hux sighed and draped his greatcoat over his shoulders. A substitute blanket. His head lay rested to the side, nestled in his crossed arms. A substitute pillow. His layout could almost be considered semi-comfortable, at least for a few hours. With how late it was already though, he suspected he’d only have a few hours of sleep anyways. 

_What time is it anyways?_ Hux tried to look for his clock without raising his head and failed. The sudden wave of exhaustion over taking him made him not care. His alarm could go off in five hours or five minutes, he really didn’t give a shit. He was just tired and wanted to sleep peacefully. _Can Ren make me tired through the force? Damn, what if he’s just making me fall asleep when I could be doing… important work._

Hux yawned and reluctantly closed his eyes. He didn’t mind if this was Ren making him to sleep through the force, he was just tired and empty. In the back of his fading mind, he almost found his situation funny. Here he was, sleeping in the same room as the man he coveted and wanted so much, finally getting a glimpse of what he wanted. 

He wanted Ren.

He wanted to crawl into bed with him and be embraced in both his arms and the soft cushions of the blanket. He wanted to drift into unconsciousness with Ren, the same way he did in his dreams. Even if he didn’t like the way he thought, he knew it was true. 

When he awoke in the morning, he saw Ren gone and the bed made with a note telling him to come for a Supreme Council meeting on top of it, along with a scribble that read:

“I’m okay. Don’t worry.”

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this whole chapter is from a single bulletin point on my note for this fic bc I went overboard. vvv
> 
> \- Two Week pass. Hux and Kylo and Pryde returning from mission for sith way finder. After, Kylo comes back all dirty and exhausted. He goes to Hux’s room to shower since it’s closer. It’s a gentler moment. Hux let’s him and then he finds Kylo passed out on his bed. Hux scoffs at him and sits at his table.


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short and kinda pivotal chapter. Now that we’re caught up to Rise of Skywalker though, things will start to divulge from cannon. It’s great:

_So, Ren’s calling a meeting? This is sudden,_ Hux thought. 

He held the note in his hands and read it over again and again, taking it all in. Why would Ren put a note out, and more importantly, why wouldn’t he put the timing on it? Did he want him to be late on purpose? It seemed like something that idiot would do. 

Hux looked to the clock on his wall and relaxed. It was only _8h25_ standard time. No way Ren would call a meeting that early in the day. It would be absurd, even for him. Hux stepped back and stretched his back, sighing as he did. It was unbelievably sore from the awkward and uncomfortable sleep at his desk, not to mention the pain in his neck. 

Millicent came up to him and rubbed her fluffy body around her owners legs, staining them in ginger cat fur. Hux groaned and took off his pants, folding them neatly and evenly on his bed. He finished getting changed for work and went to the kitchen for breakfast. A glass of juice and two granola bars were more than enough for him. 

Hux suspected that Millicent would be berating him for food soon enough so he grabbed the container from the shelf and went over to her bowl. He stopped halfway. Her bowl was already filled with her special wet food she only got once a week. _I didn’t feed her before I went to bed, did I? No, I went straight to the desk and had the worst sleep of my life._

“Did Ren feed you or was it me sleepwalking?” he asked her. 

Millicent ignored him and went to noisily eat her meal. Hux sighed. He put her food away and adjusted his uniform before heading to his door. Luckily, no note was taped to it. 

Reasoning that Ren might already be waiting for him, Hux went straight to the Supreme Council table. It was better to be safe than sorry. His normal workload today was less than usual, so it wouldn’t hurt if he was a little late. Hux made haste and reached the room, tiptoeing around it. Inside of it, through the hazy black glass, he could see the silhouette of a single person leaning on the table. 

“General Hux, you made it,” Ren greeted as Hux walked into the room. 

“Why was there no time specified?” he asked quickly. 

“You seemed more anxious and stressed as of late. I thought letting you decide when the meeting was to take place would help take a load off your shoulders.”

Hux stood confused. “Why would you care about that?”

“You’re an important man in the First Order, Hux. I’m sorry if my early actions as Supreme Leader made you think otherwise,” Ren replied flatly. “And... you were worried about me so, it’s only fair.”

Hux went to say something but caught his tongue at the last moment. There wasn’t really anything he could say in response to that really. Instead, he took his seat on the left of the table. Ren stayed standing and pulled out of datapad, signalling to the other members of the Supreme Council of their meeting. 

It was an awkward fifteen minutes waiting for them to arrive, but thankfully it didn’t feel drawn out. Ren ignored him for the most part, which Hux was grateful for, but he was also fidgeting like he couldn’t wait to say something. It was almost like watching a child wait to tell it’s mother about their day at school. Humorous. 

Ren took his seat at the head of the table. The Supreme Council was already silent, but they hushed even further now, holding their tongues. Hux watched aimlessly as Ren cleared his throat and readied himself for his speech. 

“I apologize for dragging you all here at a moment's notice, but I have an important message,” he started. Ren paused before speaking again, and when he did he nearly shouted it. “Darth Sidious is... is alive!”

The room broke out into shocked cries and whispers. Hux felt paralyzed at the statement. Sheev Palpatine, the mastermind of the Galactic Empire, was alive. He couldn’t believe it. He didn’t _want_ to believe it. Hux subconsciously gripped his chest and stared wild eyed at the rest of the table. Was his breathing getting faster?

Pryde burst up, his chair falling behind him. The rest of the room looked at him in amazement. 

“The Emperor is alive?!” he exclaimed. 

“Yes, and I know where he is and how to get there. I’m leaving as soon as this meeting is concluded.”

“Where? Where’s the Emperor?” Pryde asked feverishly. 

Ren stared at him with a hint of disgust. Hux picked up on it. “He’s on Exegol.”

“The land of the Sith,” Admiral Griss muttered, star struck and in disbelief. 

“Exactly,” Ren replied. “It’s dangerous and I’ll be gone for a few days at least. Mine, Pryde’s and Hux’s mission to Mustafar yesterday was for the sole purpose of recovering the sith holocron residing there.”

_So_ that’s _what that object was,_ Hux thought emptily. _It was so we could find the old Emperor; Palpatine… how is he even alive?!_ He twitched his fingers anxiously and cast his gaze over the table, taking in the faces of his comrades. It seemed everyone was just as confused and on edge as him. 

Ren was gracious enough to let them process the information dump for a moment. Hux fought to clear his head. He forced himself to focus entirely on Ren in case he used his mind reading powers. That would spell absolute disaster for the General. 

“Palpatine is on Exegol and I know what he’s been doing for the past decades,” Ren said to no one in particular. “He’s been using the First Order to make a new empire. If my visions are correct then it’s to be called ‘The Final Order’, or so I’ve seen. He’s built a fleet ten fold the size of ours, all for his revival as Emperor.”

Hux felt his emotions overcome him in an instant and he leaped out of his chair. “So our entire Order was only made to put the Emperor back into power? You’re really okay with that, Kylo?”

Ren looked at him with surprise. Hux kept his gaze strong and gripped the edges of the table with his fingers. Maybe the using of the first name wasn’t the best idea in hindsight. They both kept staring at each other, not daring to break their contact. It almost felt intimate to an extent. They were locked together, two men once equals now seperates, both longing for familiarity to their own extents.

Hux swallowed as Ren opened his mouth, a neutral yet deeper expression on his Supreme Leader’s face. Hux couldn’t place the emotion. 

“I am,” Ren simply said. “Are you?”

Hux forced himself not to break. “May I speak my mind, sir?”

“I don’t see why not.”

“Sir, what if Palpatine means to kill you? Surely a man of his ego wouldn’t want to rule with someone beside him. Even in the times of the Galactic Empire he had Lord Vader rule _under_ him, didn’t he?” Hux said. The Council looked at him as if he’d spoken of killing Ren in cold blood. And who knows, maybe he would one day. 

“That’s none of your concern, General. I’ll deal with Palpatine how I please, be it my way or yours,” Ren said, dismissing Hux. 

Hux felt the weight of all the stares of the Council start to weigh down on him. He sat back down and pulled his seat in, cringing at the dragging sound it made. Ignoring the gazed of his comrades, Hux tried to pay attention. It was easier said than done though. 

“The holocron I retrieved will lead my way to Exegol and the Emperor. In my absence, Allegiant General Pryde will take control of the fleet.”

“It’s an honour, Supreme Leader,” Pryde said, ever the fuss up. “I’ll take the utmost care of your Order.”

“I would hope you do,” Ren murmured. “This meeting is over. Speak nothing of this to the rest of the First Order. This is a highly important, secretive mission known only to the Supreme Council.”

The Council, minus Hux and Pryde, nodded their heads in unison. Pryde stared enchantedly at Ren, completely transfixed on him and his mission. Hux was looking at him with the same disgust he’d sensed in Ren. Pryde, the man who terrified him to the core and helped in his childhood abuse, was sucking up to Ren. Ren, being the man who was causing all the conflict and turmoil in his life. 

Hux felt sick to his stomach; he was about to throw up. He held his hands discreetly over his stomach until he made it back to his quarters after the meeting. There, he promptly made a run for the bathroom then tripped and fell, slamming his face and arms on the ground. He hissed in pain. 

Hux pushed himself up and groaned. Scarlet liquid dripped onto the floor, an all too common occurrence as of late. The sight of blood still upset him- even as a grown man- and it wasn’t doing any good for his already nauseous stomach. That’s right, sick stomach. Hux remembered his discomfort in his guts and felt his mouth begin to water. He leaned over the toilet incase he spewed, propped up by his elbows. The seat was cold and disgusting. 

“It’s all been for nothing,” he whispered. “My career, my triumphs, my _life._ It’s all…”

Hux retched and nearly spilled his stomach into the bowl. He caught himself at the last moment and dragged himself closer to the toilet, feeling his throat dry up. He swallowed and moaned, feeling hot and uncomfortable. 

“... meaningless.”

He was silent. His fingers loosened their grip on the seat and he pushed himself back, leaning on the balls of his feet. He sighed and coughed, feeling his queasiness start to fade away. 

Hux looked down to the floor and focused his gaze on his blood. He brought his hands up to his nose and gingerly touched it. It didn’t hurt or throb, so it probably wasn’t broken, just bleeding. By now he’d obtained such a high pain tolerance from years of abuse that he couldn’t be sure. Hux rubbed his nose with his arm, giving it a long red smear; a stark contrast to his pale skin. 

He sat for awhile and processed everything he could. Ren would be gone for at least three days. Pryde wouldn’t pay attention to him. Hux himself had an oath to fulfill. Now seemed like the perfect time. 

Hux forced himself to stand up. He wobbled a little before he could support himself on his sink. While he rinsed his face with running water and leaned his head forward, he formed a plan and a pep talk. 

“General Hux doesn’t cry. General Hux doesn’t whine. General Hux doesn’t lose. He gets back up and fights twice as hard. He won’t be beaten by his own mental instability, much less by the hands of Ren or Pryde. Get your fucking act together or die trying, pathetic,” he told himself. “Palpatine is alive. He’s built a fleet ten times the size of ours. Exegol is a real place. Now, who would just _die_ for that information like that?”

Hux smirked to himself in the mirror. “The Resistance. That’s how I’ll kill Ren. Not with blasters and knives, but with the betrayal of his most treasured General.”

Hux stopped his nosebleed and wiped the scarlet from his tiles. It left faint pink marks, a stain on the First Order by his own body. The first of many stains to come if he had his way. 

He made his way into his main quarters and took out his datapad, starting to make his cryptid code for the Resistance, the final nail in the coffin of his First Order betrayal. And he couldn’t be happier.


	17. Chapter Seventeen

The transmission was painful to make, and Hux thought he would die from the stress.

He had to make sure it was simple enough to explain away if he got caught and still retain all its information. He supposed that he could lie and say it was notes on the meeting, but it probably wouldn’t be believed. No one trusts a humiliated cur anyways, now do they? 

Hux eventually finally decided on making multiple, smaller transmissions rather than to make one big one. It would diminish his chances of being caught and at the same time, increase the trust the Resistance would give him. It was a win-win situation in all aspects. The last one would be the big one, the one with all the information the Resistance would ever need. 

When he’d sent out the first message, it would be an understatement to say he was on edge. Hux always prided himself on his ability to stay level headed in stressful situations; to stay calm and collected with no outward emotions. It was his special skill, and he _liked_ being known as emotionless and, frankly, a pain to speak to to. Lately though, he’d been diving into the deep end of his pool of repressed emotions with no life vest. 

He’d spilled over the edge multiple times and nearly broke. He was like cracked mug slowly filling with hot water. 

But he was General Hux, belonging now to neither the First Order or the Resistance. He was a lone wolf, fending for himself and surviving, all because of Ren. 

Ren himself had since returned from his solo mission to Exegol. Hux had been there to greet him, only as a formality, and saw the anger in the Supreme Leader’s eyes. Cold, calculated anger driven by the most primitive human emotion; fear. When Hux saw Ren’s eyes he knew immediately that the mission was a successful one. Ren had met Palpatine and came back alive with unbridled determination, but it wasn’t enough to hide the underlying terror consuming him. It almost made Hux respect Ren; being able to stand brave in the face of the undoubtedly disgusting Emperor. 

Now, a day after his return, Ren called for the second Supreme Council meeting in a week. Everyone brought there knew what it was for and what was to be discussed. There was really only one topic of importance to them. All members save for Hux were excited, and all including Hux were scared. Palpatine was a Sith Lord, an ancient evil that, according to Hux, should have died long ago. Ren wasn’t even a sith and he was terrible. Sith were a hoped to be extinct race, up until now at least. 

Hux sat at his seat on the table, straight backed and silent. He was determined to not show any fear, but it was easier said than done. Any second now, Ren would show his scarred face and make his announcement of the future of the First Order. Hux bet that everyone else here, especially Pryde, were no doubt seething for the information. It was evident in their mannerisms. He’d learned their habits subconsciously throughout their pointless meetings. 

“Supreme Leader will be here soon,” Pryde said to the table, “and he’ll change all our lives for the better.”

The table murmured in agreement, Hux included. Oh yes, his life would definitely be changed, but likely not for the better like the rest of this lot. He still had his final message to relay. He couldn’t let his guard slip around them, much less around Ren. 

Speaking of the literal devil, in came Ren not even a minute later. Pryde was the first to greet him like the suck up he was, followed by everyone else. Everyone except Hux, of course. And he had a very good reason for staying silent. It wasn’t one he was proud of though. 

Fear. 

Hux had set his mind to confidence thinking Ren would come in normal and proper, maybe with a classic look of anger or coldness on his pretty face. That, he could handle. That, he was all to used to. But Ren didn’t come in like that. He broke the pattern Hux had become so adjusted to and sent a primal fear back into him. 

He was transfixed by Ren’s mask. It was a real attention grabber.

The red etchings of a poor man’s repair job were all about it, as if Ren didn’t even care. It was obviously a well done and expensive repair, but it still looked terrible. The red wasn’t even an even shade all around. It added to the fear-factor of it at least. And knowing Ren, that’s probably what he wanted in the end. 

Hux swallowed. He couldn’t read Ren’s emotions anymore. He wouldn’t be able to judge his enemy's next actions and plan his own accordingly. He didn’t even know where Ren was looking anymore, let alone what he was thinking. Again, Hux felt unease wash over him.

The table seemed just as intrigued about the fixed helmet as he was. _I watched the elevator tape of him smashing it. I got the report from the commanders who collected the wreckage. Did he really go out of his way to fix it?_ Hux thought. _Why? For intimidation? Concealment? Does he know about me? Stop it! Focus._

And what else was scary to everyone- more so infact- was the fact that Ren threw the head of an alien species onto the table right after his entrance. The table collectively flinched, all surprised and disgusted by the display. The suddenness of it shocked even the strongest of them. Hux felt his mouth start to water in terror. It was so sudden and vile that he didn’t have time to process. Who _was_ this creature? _Why did Ren just… Why would he do this?_

Hux didn’t care at all that a presumably innocent man was killed. He saw people being killed everyday. It wasn’t an issue. What he cared about was the fact that Ren brought his head in. The creature must have had to be very important for Ren to go through all the trouble. Hux breathed deep and tried to think of who the head used to be. 

He willed himself to be calm, something he’d grown to be very good at. It worked, and he was able to settle his mind. Sure, Ren’s sudden mask appearance was odd- maybe even a bit scary, but in the end it was just an old broken mask. Hux wanted to scoff at himself for overreacting. Though, he still couldn’t calm himself completely. 

The head on the table made that impossible. 

“I found him,” Ren said. A simple, chilling sentence. He didn’t even address the decapitation right in front of him. 

“Is the Emperor well?” Pryde asked feverishly, yet again enraptured by the ancient Sith Lord. 

Ren ignored his question. “His fleet is real. Over the years he’s built up a cult to aid him- _me-_ in taking over the galaxy. I met him face to face and got all the information I needed.”

“Sir?” General Engell started. She didn’t say anymore. Ren seemed to understand what she was asking about. 

“There’s a spy among our ranks,” he replied. 

_Fuck.  
_

Hux felt sweat drops run down his back. He sneakily moved his gloved hand up to his cheek and held it there, trying to hide himself as much as possible. This was it. Ren knew about him. _He’s going to kill me in front of everyone, I just know it,_ he pessimistically thought. But pessimism was granted to him in this situation. He’d earned it. It drowned out his mortal terror; the kind you only got when you stared death in the eyes more than once.

Ren- presumedly- swiped his dark gaze across the table. Everyone looked a little anxious and confused, all of the shuffling uneasily in their seats. Though, one stood out among them, and it hurt him. Ren was grateful that his face was hidden once again so no one would be able to see the betrayal in his eyes when he addressed Hux. 

“I sense unease in you, General Hux,” he said calmly. 

Hux lightly flinched but recovered quickly. “About the mask?” he asked, expertly lying on the spot. “No sir... well done.”

“I like it,” added General Parnadee. _Oh shut the fuck up,_ cursed Hux. 

“Do we really have a spy?” Pryde asked. 

“Are you calling me a liar, Allegiant General?”

“No, sir. I would never.”

“Do we have any idea who the spy could be?” questioned Admiral Griss. 

“I have my suspicions, but I can’t be sure,” Ren said, wanting to get over the subject. 

“What we really should be discussing is if we can trust Palpatine or not! Not about who the rat is!” bursted General Quinn. 

Hux held in a breath of relief. The topic was changing and Ren’s (assumedly) suspicious gaze left him. General Quinn’s outburst drew the attention of everyone at the table so Hux followed the lead and copied them, not wanting to seem even more mistrustful. The news of a spy had gotten out and he had a limited frame of time to send his final signal. The stress was silently gnawing through his temples and into his brain, killing him from the outside in. 

“What do you have to say about Palpatine, General Quinn?” Ren asked smoothly. 

“I say to be cautious.”

“ _I_ think his forces will let us finally rule the galaxy,” Admiral Griss purred. “Palpating has always had the same goal as us.”

“A bunch of cultists is all they are-”

General Quinn stopped mid rant to clutch frantically at his throat. Hux whipped his head to Ren on instinct and saw him furiously choking the poor General, mercy be damned. He swallowed, feeling the slightest twinge of empathy for Quinn, knowing the pain he was in first hand. But Hux didn’t show his pity outwards. He stayed silent and mirrored the emotions of the rest of the crew.   
  
Indifference. 

Through the grace of the Maker, Ren let General Quinn go. Quinn took his hands off his throat and sucked in ragged breaths, quick as if he’d just ran the track. Ren lowered his hand and looked directly at each of the members of the council, though they couldn’t tell that through the mask. The impression was still made.

That mask; it still made Hux uneasy. Not to mention the decapitated head that still lay in the middle of the table. It would be a disgusting job for whatever poor janitor got saddled with it. The green blood was still oozing out of it for fucks sake. 

“We’re using Palpatine and his forces to complete our goal. That is, if you’re all in agreement?” Ren asked, his tone telling them that it wasn’t actually a question. 

The Council all silently nodded after a tense moment, collectively feeling their fear of Ren sink deeper into their souls. Hux on the other hand felt not fear, but determination. His mission to aid the Resistance was almost complete. He had to finish it before he was found out for the weasel he was. Weasel, rat, rabid cur, what was next? 

Ren kept his hidden gaze fixed on Hux a little longer than everyone else once again, though they couldn’t tell. He muttered something along the lines of ‘Any information on the spy goes straight to Pryde’ to no one in particular and then took his leave. Hux watched him go, relief washing over him. The rest of the Council took the signal and got up themselves, each leaving one after the other. Pryde stayed behind the longest and Hux could see evident excitement on his usually smug and decrepit face. 

Hux ignored Pryde and left after General Engell and a stumbling General Quinn. The first time for a force choke was always the worst. Again though, he could barely feel a twinge of sympathy. Quinn got what he deserved for talking back to the psycho. 

Hux made his way to his station, taking a short detour to get to his quarters. His fingers fidgeted at his side, a nervous tick he wished would go away. Stormtroopers passed him and regarded him with high respect, officers and commanders not so much. Hux detested them for that. Soon enough though, he would be either dead or defected, never having to see their disrespectful faces again. Hux sighed and opened the door to his quarters, a wave of defeat washing over him. He smiled weakly at the familiar sight of Millicent loafing on his bed.

“How’s it going, Millie?” he asked, going over to scratch her cheek. “I won’t be here long. I just need to do a quick thing and then I’ll be gone.”

Hux felt tension hit his body. He let out a ragged breath and went to his dresser. It only took a moment for him to rummage through the bottom drawer and fish out a flash drive from the inside of a pair of folded pants. He stared at it in his hand, not moving from his crouching position. This was it. He just had to send this message out and Ren would officially lose. Hux smirked and stood up. 

_I might as well add a little more to it. I’ll be killed regardless of what’s on it, so what’s the problem with giving even more than I already am?_ Hux thought. He didn’t hesitate as he plugged the code into his datapad and read the message again. The only trouble on his mind was who he’d send the message _to,_ considering that his old receiver was, well- dead. 

An idea sparked in his mind. A terrible, stupid idea, but an idea nonetheless. It hurt his pride a bit to do it, but it was his only viable option. 

Hux bit his tongue and looked through the history of transmission to his area on the old _Supremacy,_ finding what he wanted almost instantly. His eyes lost their shine when he looked at the ship of who sent it. 

Poe Dameron’s X-Wing.

Hux angrily batted the air and took a deep breath. _It’s just Dameron, I know he’ll trust this message,_ he told himself. _But Maker help me if he finds out it was_ me _sending it._ Hux almost regretted it as he loaded in Poe’s X-Wing number and hovered his finger over the send button. A direct transmission like this would be much more obvious to see, but a normal spy would be more stealthy. The Council wouldn’t be bothering their time with simple, almost public transmission like this one, or so Hux hoped. 

With a small, almost triumphant smile, Hux sent the message through. He had no clue _when_ Dameron would get it or if he would even read something sent by the First Order, but he could only hope. Palpatine’s fleet might already be ready to strike. They didn’t have much time. 

Hux backed up from his desk and threw the flash drive in his bathroom's garbage can. Not the most conspicuous hiding spot, but still better than nowhere at all. He shook off his greatcoat and started to go back to his station. As he adjusted his gloves, he heard his door slide forcefully open. Hux froze. 

He didn’t want to address the new problem in his room, but it was impossible not to. He sighed and picked up his act, giving a fake show of emotion he was painfully used to.

“Were you wondering where I was, Supreme Leader?”

“Well, yes, I suppose that was part of the reason,” Ren replied slowly.

“I came back because I forgot to feed Millicent this morning, that’s all. I was just about to go back to my post. By the way, I really _do_ think the mask is impressive,” he lied. 

“Hux,” Ren said, voice wavering underneath the mask, “are you the spy?”

Hux didn’t need to fake the shock on his face. “Why would you say that? I’ve been nothing but loyal to the First Order for my entire career.”

“But lately you’ve been... off, especially whenever I’m around. That, and the fact that as a General, you have access to highly classified information, is making me suspicious. You also have some preconceptions about me that would lead to this.” 

Hux clenched his fist. He ever so wished for Ren to take his ridiculous mask and accuse him face to face. Only a coward hides their true feelings behind a mask. Hux decided to let Ren know his true emotions, only so he wasn’t being a hypocrite. He was one to hide behind masks as well, though they were crumbling away as of late. 

“Why don’t you say that to my face, _Supreme Leader,_ ” he spat. “Or was Snoke right in calling you a child, hiding behind his mask?”

Hux assumed Ren was glaring down at him. “I thought you said you liked it. The mask, that is.”

“What’s a General if he can’t tell a white lie?”

Ren laughed and smiled behind his mask. If Hux wanted to do this face to face then he would happily oblige him. 

Ren reached back and unclamped his helmet, a rush of air following. Hux flinched from the noise. He mustn’t have thought he’d actually do it. Ren wiped the smile off his face before he took his helmet completely off and held it by his hip like a basketball. Do they have basketballs in space? I don’t know, but that’s not what’s important right now. What’s important is that Ren thinks Hux is the spy. 

“Now we’re face to face like you wanted, Hux. Would you like me to accuse you again?”

Hux acted unfazed. “Why not?”

“Fine then,” Ren said, readjusting himself. “You are a man with access to highly confidential information, _and_ you and I don’t exactly get along, despite our past agreements. It’s obvious why I would suspect you. All the council members were thinking it as well.”

“The key being _suspect._ You can’t go living your life based on suspicions and hunches. Besides, what would you even do if I _was_ the spy? Kill me?”

“That would be the logical course of action, wouldn’t it?” 

“I suppose so,” Hux said, looking down.

Ren could tell Hux was still hiding his true feelings. He just had to dig them out of him and get him to open up. Hux on the other hand was quite annoyed. He had to push his anxieties away and focus on hanging on to the thin thread of loyalty he had left. 

“Hux, I know it’s you. Just confess and I swear by my name that no harm will come to you,” Ren said. 

Hux felt his resolve crumble away. “You have no right to accuse me of such acts with no evidence,” he muttered, looking Ren straight in the eyes. “Your title means nothing to me. You can’t swear on it.”

Ren sighed. He shook his head and, quite roughly, latched his hand onto Hux’s shoulder. Hux immediately tensed up and got the oh so familiar flare of anger burned into his eyes. Ren not so secretly loved to see it. What he didn’t love, was the burst of physical strength the small man would get. It was like his life was flashing before his eyes.

Hux quickly grabbed Ren’s hand and shoved it off. Ren let him with little resistance. Then, Hux reared his fist back and went to deliver a punch straight to his Supreme Leader’s face, all logical reasoning gone out the window.

“Why can’t you just fucking _trust_ me for once?!” he yelled. 

Ren flinched and narrowly caught Hux’s wrist just centimetres from his face. Hux yanked his arm back but couldn’t get it loose from Ren’s iron grip. He looked into Ren’s eyes, anger awake like a fire in his own. Ren- strangely- didn’t seem angry or upset or even disappointed. In fact, Hux would almost say he looked sad. Imagine that, the Supreme Leader, _sad._ Hux scoffed with a grin and stopped struggling.

“I apologize for my outburst, _Supreme Leader,_ but I just can’t control myself sometimes,” Hux taunted, saying Supreme Leader as if it were a dirty slur. “Insulting a man’s honour is the worst blow you can deal him, you know.”

Ren kept Hux’s wrist raised and frowned. “I wish you’d call me that with respect,” he breathed. “Not with the contempt you always stain it with.”

“Then maybe you should pay your allies with a little more respect.”

Hux gave another tug of his wrist and broke free of Ren’s grip. He knew Ren let him go out of his own accord, but he liked to think he was strong enough to break free himself. Hux straightened his greatcoat and gave Ren a curt bow; a fake display of respect. Ren knew it was fake, but he didn’t press the subject. He watched Hux exit his room and leave the door open. A clear signal that he wanted Ren out. Ren obliged and left a few moments after him. 

Hux mentally stabbed himself once he was out of eyeshot. _Control your temper or it’ll get you killed, that’s what Brendol told you,_ he thought. _Ren wants you dead, Pryde even more. I’m going to die soon, no matter how I think about it._ Hux rubbed his neck and pushed his mortality aside. He didn’t even care if he died anymore. He was well past caring. Hux knew death would happen, so why bother yourself with it? 

The only thing he feared about death was the impacts it would leave behind; not on him, but on his loved ones. Phasma would get over it quick enough, and Millicent would be taken care of by her, but Dopheld wouldn’t be so accepting. Hux didn’t want them to worry one bit about him or his troubles. He just wanted them to forget him as soon as possible. But realistically, it was impossible for your death to affect no one. There was always at least one person who’d care enough about you to grieve. 

Hux sighed and made the last turn to his post. He didn’t care anymore. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like my writing is getting worse and worse with the last few chapters and I wanna get it back to being adequate. So if you’ve noticed a bit of a quality decline, I apologize.
> 
> Also, this is nearing the length of short books?? By the time it’s finished it’ll be as long as a book so.. that’s cool to think about. My first book being Armitage Hux fanfic.


	18. Chapter Eighteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> exciting

Hux wanted to sprint down the hall, run as fast as he could to his destination, but he kept his even and unbearable speed-walking pace. He had to get to them as soon as possible before it was too late. What if they got executed or tortured before he could reach them? _This is just_ great! _Incredible! Exactly what I fucking wanted to deal with today. Thank you universe!_

Just now, the ship he was on was floating over Kijimi, a cold and frigid planet filled with marauders and thieves. Not a place you’d want to live. A few moments ago, a band of Rebels broke into the First Order cruiser under the ruse of high ranking commanders, even having an access chip and everything. Hux knew they were after the Wookie they’d captured before. What he didn’t know until just now was that they’d been captured while trying to escape. It wasn’t his problem, but he was still compelled to go. 

Hux cursed himself for being so slow as he turned the last corner and met his target. Three stormtroopers, two rebels, and one Wookie. Hux’s heart flared up and he evened his breathing. 

“General Hux, sir, we have the rebels with us. One escaped but is still somewhere on the ship,” explained one of the stormtroopers. 

“Ah, good,” Hux said, a stiffness in his tone. He eyed the Resistance fighters and fought back the urge to groan. “Well, if it isn’t Dameron and the trooper. Of all the Resistance members, why is it always you two?”

“Cause we’re the main characters, Huxy,” laughed Poe. Finn roughly nudged him. 

“Should we dispose of them, sir?” asked a stormtrooper. 

Hux paused. Technically, he wasn’t part of the First Order _or_ the Resistance, so there was no obligation for him to save them. He could let them die and escape on his own later if push came to shove. But on the other hand, if he let them die here then Ren might finally win. 

Dameron was in front of him; the man he’d sent the codes about Palpatine and the Exegol fleet to. He reasoned that he might owe the man for even considering to listen to his transmissions. Hux kept his calm facade and looked as intimidating as he could, which was very much. 

“Very well. On my command,” he said. 

Poe looked a little betrayed, a shine of disbelief entering his eyes. Him and his two friends were forced to turn around and wait in anticipation for Hux’s order. Hux knew what he was doing though, and he wouldn’t let them die. Even the scary Wookie would live, but only so he had a better chance of getting into the Resistance’s good graces. 

“This might be a good time to tell me what you were gonna tell Rey back in that sand pit,” Poe whispered. 

“Really? Now?” Finn angrily shot back. 

“Yeah!”

“This is a terrible time!”

“It’s the last time we got!”

“Graaa-ahh!” growled the Wookie. 

Hux glared at the backs of their heads and went into action. “On second thought, I want to do it myself.”

The troopers turned to him and lowered their guns, not a moments hesitation in their actions. In their own minds, it made sense as to why Hux would want to kill them himself. The stormtrooper closest to the General offered up his gun and Hux took it. It felt heavy and unnatural in his arms, too big and complicated. He much preferred the smaller, more efficient blaster he was issued when he became a General. 

Hux watched the Rebels tense up once again and shuffle closer together. He held his breath, lightly touched the trigger, and took one last chance to change his mind. 

Then he spun around around and shot each of the troopers in the chest.

The three of them fell to the ground with an untriumphant thump, leaving Dameron, the Wookie, and Finn in stunned silence. They turned around slowly and saw Hux with the still smoking blaster. _Now or never I guess,_ he thought pessimistically. 

“I’m the spy,” he said flatly. 

_“What?!”_

“I knew it! Way to go, Huxy!”

“No you didn’t!”

“Yes I did!”

“Stop it! We have to get you out of here,” Hux commanded, already regretting his decision. “The three of you, follow me. I know where your ship is being kept.”

Hux turned around and ignored the confused looks of his new allies. Was that the right word to describe them? He shook his head and brought them on the quickest and stealthiest path he could, passing very few First Order crew. If they did happen to come across a familiar face, they wouldn’t be brave enough to question a General such as Hux where he was taking Rebel prisoners. _Maybe I shouldn’t be calling them rebels anymore,_ Hux thought. _I_ am _technically one of them now, as much as that disgusts me._

Hux bit his tongue and shoved Dameron forwards just for the hell of it. Dameron didn’t do anything in response, but Hux could have swore he heard a small ‘hey!’ of annoyance. Hux justified it by reasoning that the shove made his performance more believable. 

When they made it to their destination- docking and holding bay 27- Hux dropped the scary general act. He put his heavy blaster down and quickly input the security code to open the doors, ushering the three Resistance fighters in. The Wookie growled in what Hux assumed could pass as excitement when it saw the Millenium Falcon. He watched the three of them fawn over it and share smiles when he realized something. 

“Wait,” Hux hastily called. 

“What?” answered Finn, the last one outside the docking bay. 

“Shoot me in the arm. To make it more- more believable.” Hux hit the First Order insignia on his left arm as emphasis. Finn looked at him with bewilderment. 

“Seriously?”

“I wouldn’t say it if I wasn’t serious. I need to make this believable or I’ll be compromised.”

Finn paused for a moment and then smiled. He did a little hop and shake of cocky joy and took out his blaster. Hux readied himself for a blast and a painful explosion in his arm by tensing up, but it never came. Instead, he heard Dameron’s loud and obnoxious voice call out. The shout must have surprised Finn, because right after it, he shot Hux in the leg instead of the arm that they’d agreed on. Hux fell to the floor immediately and gripped his left leg, trying not to roll around in agony. 

“I was just gonna say not to shoot him!” Poe said, exasperated. 

“That woulda been nice to hear- I don’t know, _two seconds ago?!_ ”

“This is just gonna waste our medical supplies, buddy. Don’t worry, just help me carry him on board and I’ll forgive you.”

“What?!” Hux and Finn exclaimed in unison. 

“If you stay here then they’ll kill you. I don’t want that to happen anymore than you do, Huxy.”

“Could you just excuse us for just a second?” Finn whispered to the man on the floor, annoyance evident on his face. 

Hux was going to retort again when a wave of pain shot through his leg, making him shut up. He groaned and looked at the wound. _It’s not bleeding, that’s good. That imbecile didn’t hit the major vein. Or was it artery? Maker, who cares?!_ Hux forced himself to halfway stand up, leaning all his weight on his right side while gripping the doorway. It wasn’t exactly comfortable, but it was better than wallowing on the ground like an imbecile.

He could faintly hear the back and forth whispered conversation between the two other men. They almost sounded like a bickering married couple. Hux watched as Finn groaned and held his face, hitting the air in frustration. Poe winked at his friend after a last word and turned around to face Hux. He grinned at him, a trademark of his boisterous personality at this point. 

“You’re good to come!” he said, holding out a thumbs-up. “Finn’s a little whiny about it, but even he can see your worth, so don’t worry.”

“I’m not going,” coughed Hux. 

“... Why not?”

“I can’t just up and leave with you as a prisoner of war! Are you stupid?!”

“We already established that I am. And if you stay here they’ll kill you.” Poe coaxed while slinging Hux’s arm over his shoulders. “But if you come with us, then you can give us even _more_ intel. And uh, maybe tell us _why_ you became a weasel? I’m genuinely curious.”

Hux blushed but didn’t struggle. “I have a special duty I have to do everyday here…” he pointlessly argued. “I can’t just leave.”

“Come on, Huxy, it’ll be fun! You, me, Finn, Chewie, and Rey, all bunched together like we’re on a camping trip.”

Poe didn’t leave time for Hux to argue. He started dragging Hux over to the ship with less than adequate care for his fresh blaster wound. Hux hissed in pain and automatically gripped tighter onto Poe’s neck and shoulders. _What a damsel in distress I am,_ he bitterly thought. He struggled as much as he could, but Poe was physically stronger than him and had two capable legs, so it was almost useless. Hux didn’t know it, but Poe found the struggling akin to a young child being dragged away from a toy they wanted. 

Finn hurried then along and shut the door behind them, obviously antsy from how long they’d been dawdling. Hux flashed him a glare on his way by before getting a sick feeling in his stomach. 

He was flopped onto a wrap around couch and awkwardly hit his ribs on the edge of the table it surrounded. Grunting, Hux sat himself upright and did his best to ease the pain in his leg. Poe immediately left after rudely dropping Hux off and disappeared around a corner, urgency in his stance. The only ones left in his field of view were two droids, one being golden and humanoid, and the other resembling a child’s toy. The golden one regarded him with astonishment and waddled after Poe, asking him a multitude of questions. 

Hux lurched slightly to the side when the ship took off, gripping onto the table for support. Normally, ships were no problem for him, but apparently the Resistance had the worst pilots to ever exist in the history of the galaxy. He felt like he was gripping on for his life. 

“Scary. Scary,” the small droid sputtered. 

Hux laughed and immediately sucked in a sharp breath at the new wave of hurt. When the ship finally sailed smoothly, Hux let his mind think. He cautiously looked around the new environment while he did so, trying to make sense of the ship. It was built entirely different from First Order ships, and was obviously an old model judging by its structural integrity. Loose wires hung everywhere and even the interior design screamed pre-empire. 

Hux’s first thought was one of sadness mixed with aggravation. Now that he was gone, “captured” by the Resistance, who would take care of Millicent? Phasma, he reasoned, or maybe Dopheld so the Lieutenant's own cat could have a friend. Would they miss him at all? Would Ren send out forces to try and recover his favourite stress toy or just ignore his disappearance completely? Hux sighed and looked down at his fists on the table. He already knew he didn’t like it here. 

“Stranger,” said the small, rolling droid. Hux peered over at it. 

“I suppose I am,” he eventually replied, humouring them both. 

“Evil. Evil.”

“Don’t get me started. I’ve done worse things than your little droid mind could ever comprehend,” Hux said before adding as an afterthought: “What model are you anyways? I’ve never seen a droid like you.”

“I’m D-O- D-O.”

“D-O… certainly a unique little machine.”

In the back of his mind, Hux knew it was stupid to talk to a (very likely) damaged droid. He didn’t stand to gain anything from this conversation, and he’d never been one for making friends with machinery, yet he couldn’t help himself. Even he could admit that the simple little droid with its simple little wheel was a tad bit cute. Not as cute as Millicent, but cute nonetheless. 

Hux felt a sting of sorrow hit him when the realization that he’d never see his cat again sunk in. The last memory he’d ever have of her would be petting her belly before leaving for his shift. Hux fidgeted with his hands and looked down at D-O. He reached out to touch it, maybe even pet it, but it rolled away immediately. 

“No thank you,” it beeped. 

“’Guess even droids have boundaries.”

“Goodbye- Goodbye,” it beeped again. 

Hux watched it roll off around the same corner Poe had disappeared behind just moments before. He gave it a small, almost non existent, wave, just for fun and went back to being alone. Alone on a Resistance ship; it felt terribly wrong. 

From where he sat, the sudden jump to hyperspace wasn’t much of a force. He got pushed back into his chair a little bit, but that was it. Hux rested his chin in his glove and waited “patiently” for someone to confront him. They wouldn’t just leave a First Order prisoner alone and unguarded in their ship, right? Right. 

He didn’t look over to the voice that called out to him.

“Hey, Huxy pal, you holding up alright?” Poe asked. 

“As alright as I can be with an untreated blaster wound.”

“Yeah, we’ll get you something for that in a second… but first, why not meet my good friend Rey…?” 

“You seriously brought him with you?! Why are you so difficult? Why?!” a female voice cried out. _So she’s the Jedi that ruined my life,_ Hux thought, anger overtaking his senses. 

“He has valuable information! And besides, I didn’t want to just leave him to die, not when he’s so important.”

“Maker only knows how many people he killed in the Hosnian system, Poe. Did you forget about that?” Rey asked, her tone a mix of anger and dumbfounded astonishment at Poe’s actions. 

“Of course I remember, but I try not to!”

“Did you even plan this out?”

“No!”

“Then why would you-”

“Guys! Stop fighting already!” Finn yelled. “Let’s just agree that Poe made an impulsive call, but it’ll be a good one in the long run, okay? Okay.”

Not okay. The three of them started a loud fighting session, completely forgetting that he was even there. Hux couldn’t stand to listen to them bicker about him any longer. They acted as if he wasn’t important or worth their time.

Sure, he ordered the firing on the Hosnian system, and yes, his own weapon did the killing, but it wasn’t as if he actually killed them in cold blood. He didn’t go up and stab each one of them in a row. So why hold him so accountable? That was his reasoning at least. 

“Is the entirety of the Resistance _this_ unprofessional!?” Hux shouted, getting everyone to calm down. Finn scowled at him. 

“You don’t get to talk.”

“But he’s right. We _are_ being kinda stupid,” Poe muttered. 

“I’m going to fly the ship with Chewie,” Rey announced to no one in particular. “Deal with the problem yourselves.”

Hux watched her storm off, almost followed by Finn. Poe grabbed his shoulder and spun him around, much to the dismay of the ex-stormtrooper. They both looked at each other quizzically and then back at Hux. Hux turned his head away to face the wall. 

“Well, first things first, I think we should get him a bactapatch and gauze for his blaster wound,” Poe said eventually. “You do that and I’ll watch him so he doesn’t run away, alright, buddy?”

“We should get Chewie to watch him if we don’t want him to run away. Tell him to break Hux’s arm if he does anything funny.”

“I can do that too.”

Finn looked Hux over before laughing. “Yeah, honestly I bet you can. I never realized how scrawny Hux is; bet he's got the frame of Rose under that uniform.”

Finn and Poe laughed as Hux tightened his grip of his chin. _What an_ eloquent _choice of words, stormtrooper,_ he angrily thought. 

He listened to FN-2187’s- or _Finn,_ as he called himself now’s- footsteps fade away around the corner after he and Poe shared their joyful laughing. Hux held his breath after he felt the seat sink with added weight. He didn’t need to turn around to know that Poe was giving him a classic shit eating grin. Couldn’t he take a hint?

Poe faked yawned and wrapped his arm around Hux’s shoulder. He roughly tussled the General and spun him around. Hux wasn’t amused. 

“Look at us,” he said, “who would’a thought?”

“Not me,” Hux grumbled through a forced smile. 

“That’s right! Listen, Huxy Hugs, Rey might not be a fan of you yet, but I bet you can win her over with your… uh… effeminate First Order charm.”

“Would you _stop_ calling me by those obnoxious nicknames- and let go of me, you scum!” Hux spat, wriggling free of Poe’s friendly grasp. 

“One; that’s hurtful, and two; if you hate my nicknames so much then why don’t you just tell me your actual name? Did I guess it right back then?”

Hux looked at Poe as if the man were brain dead. “My name’s Hux.”

“No, your _first_ name. Is it something cool? Like, Mephiles the Dark? Come on, we’re on the same side now, so what’s the problem?”

Hux froze and thought of his options. He was an official defect now, not a proud member of the First Order anymore. There was nothing wrong with telling Dameron his real name now, but it still felt odd. Like by telling him it would make them acquaintances, or worse, friends. Dameron’s expectant stare burned into Hux’s ginger head. 

“If you want, I can tell you mine first. It’s Poe,” he joked. 

“I know that.”

“So… it’s your turn now.”

Hux swallowed the rest of his pride and didn’t look at Poe. “It’s Armitage,” he muttered. 

“Armitage? I dunno; sounds a little too cool for a First Order officer.”

“You asked for it and now you make fun of it? Not like I had any choice in what I was named.” _Well that’s not_ entirely _true, now is it?_ Hux thought cheekily afterwards.

“Don’t get so defensive, _Armitage._ Armitage, Armitage, Armitage. You know, now that I say it out loud, it’s not _too_ cool for you,” Poe concluded. “It’s… just the _right_ amount of cool for a man like you.”

“Thank you?”

“No problem! Now, onto the more pressing matter at hand.”

Poe clapped his hands an Hux grew confused. _Does he want to know more about the First Order? It’s pointless. There’s barely any time left before the Final Order fleet dispatches. We’re all to die today._ Hux slowly noticed that Dameron was staring pretty intently at his greatcoat. Hux reflexively pulled it tighter onto himself, going defensive.

“What is it?” Hux asked. 

“Your coat.”

“What about my coat?” 

“You can’t just go parading around with that on. People will think you’re still part of the First Order.”

“Well… aren’t I? I’m a prisoner, not a Resistance fighter, if I’m correct.”

“No way, Armie! You’re one of us now, past disregarded. We’ll just tell Leia that you’re a prisoner for now, and then we can tell her the truth after we win the fight. I’ll be your personal ambassador.”

“Armie?”

“Well, as averagely cool as Armitage is, you still need a nickname so I can poke fun at you. Would you prefer Ginger? What about the old classic; ‘Hugs’?”

“I’d prefer Hux,” he grumbled, knowing full well that Dameron wouldn’t listen. 

“Well, back on topic, Armie, you can't wear that jacket. We’ve got some spare clothes on here for you if you still want a coat,” Poe said while reaching for Hux’s greatcoat. 

Hux pulled away and winced at the flash of pain that came from his leg. He disregarded Poe and clutched his greatcoat closer to him. It was the last big fragment he had of his old life, and despite defecting and becoming a spy, he didn’t want to forget his past life. The power it gave him was irreplaceable in his mind. He couldn’t just give it up; it was a staple of high ranking First Order uniforms. He’d earned it. Not to mention, his greatcoat also had somewhat sentimental value. 

It reminded him of Dopheld and Phasma, his only two friends in the world. Friends he would most likely never see again. That is, unless it was on opposite sides of the battlefield. Hux braced his shoulders and stared into Dameron’s eyes, defiance shining in them. 

“I can’t give it up,” he said. 

“Well... you kinda have to. Come on Armie, it’s just a trench coat. We have tons like this back at our base,” Poe argued. 

“It’s important to me, get that through your thick skull.”

“Look, how about you just take it off and I’ll put it somewhere safe. Once we get back to our base and talk to Leia, you can have it back; just as long as you don’t wear it, okay? That sound fair?” 

“You speak to me as if I’m some child,” Hux scoffed. 

“Please?”

Hux looked down at his sleeves and relented. If he could keep it with him later on, he didn’t mind giving it up now. He slid the coat off his arms and folded it up neatly on the table in a way that would leave it with the fewest possible wrinkles. Poe took it from him and inspected it. 

“It’s not a very comfortable material, is it?” he observed. “Like scratchy cotton.”

“I like the feeling,” Hux said plainly.

“Well, anyways, this’ll make good future fire fuel,” Poe joked. Hux’s eyes widened in panic, and Poe noticed it. He quickly explained himself. “It’s just a joke! I’m not _actually_ gonna burn it, don’t worry!”

“You better not!” Hux shouted, forcing himself up from the table with a jittery motion. 

Poe sighed as Hux fell back down in pain. _Finn’ll be back with his bacta patch soon,_ he thought. _Until then I gotta make sure this ginger twink doesn’t kill him self. Damn, he gets angry._

Hux scrutinizingly observed Poe as he placed his greatcoat in a hidden storage compartment of the ship. He looked off to the wall again and went back to ignoring his new “allies”. In the back of his mind, he felt intimidated and scared, especially considering the fact that Wookie they had piloting could easily snap his neck if he rubbed it the wrong way. Was this to be his life now? 

“Finn was right,” Poe said, coming back to sit next to Hux, “you do have a scrawny, kinda womanly body. Do they feed you enough back there?”

“I won’t answer any unnecessary questions,” Hux spat. 

“Right. ’Guess you’ll always have your signature ‘stickler’ attitude no matter what your alliance is.”

Poe laughed and lightly punched Hux in the arm like he was an old friend. Hux felt oddly comforted by it. He turned his head back to Poe and listened to what he had to say. 

“I guess so,” Hux agreed. 

“Hey, you know what’s _not_ an unnecessary question?”

“What?”

“Why you became a spy! I’ve been trying to think of an answer this whole time,” Poe exclaimed. “Why’d you do it? I thought you were the most extreme loyalist they had.”

Hux paused and thought back to his breakdown on Arkanis and what caused it. He bit his tongue at the unpleasant memories. “Personal reasons,” he eventually said. 

“Elaborate?”

“In all honesty, I couldn’t care less who wins or loses this war; not anymore. All I want is to see Ren finally lose.” 

Poe scoffed in disbelief. “ _That’s_ why? Petty revenge? It doesn’t really suit you like, at _all_.”

“It’s about more than just revenge. You don’t know Ren like I do. He messes with your mind, feelings, and body whenever he wants like you’re just a stress toy. I couldn’t _stand_ being used by him anymore! My reasons are just, one hundred percent!” Hux yelled, feeling a little stupid for overreacting. But it was true, he knew he did the right thing for himself in becoming a spy. 

Poe didn’t reply, but he gave Hux a sympathetic smile. That’s right... Hux remembered that Poe was captured by Ren once in the past. _He must know what I mean; on a basic scale…_ Hux cleared his throat awkwardly and went back to gazing at the table.

Poe stood up after a moment and went to grab Finn. He knew that his buddy must be taking longer than needed on purpose just to spite Hux, and he couldn’t blame him. Despite his outward expression, Poe still felt cautious and nervous around Hux. But who wouldn’t? 

Hux sat alone at the table, deep in thought. If his new life didn’t start on Arkanis, then it sure as hell was starting now. He sighed.  
  


  
 _Do I really deserve this?_ he thought.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so, Resistance!Hux begins... the best AU
> 
> We also broke 50,000 words!!


	19. Chapter Nineteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhohhhhhhhh  
> Hux being annoyed by poe

Hux braced himself against the table as the ship started to rumble and shake. The lights began to flash and the turbulence worsened. He swore out loud when he realized that they were crash landing. _Must_ all _the ships I fly on crash like this?_ Hux angrily thought as he braced his body. It was Arkanis all over again.

The ship skidded in the soft ground before coming to a rather harsh halt, jolting Hux out of his seat momentarily. He gripped his head and awkwardly stood up, thankful that his leg was beginning to heal with the bacta patch. It’d come to late to stop a scar, but he didn’t mind very much; it wasn’t in a noticeable spot so why care?

His eyes scanned the dark ship and looked around for the others. Even the Jedi girl would be nice to see right now. He just wanted _someone_ to explain to him what just happened. A stray wire let loose a wave of sparks as Hux paced around in the corridor, always keeping a gloved hand on the wall for support. 

“Well that wasn’t a grade A landing, huh guys?” rang out Poe’s voice in an awkward and forced laugh. 

“At least we’re where we need to be,” Rey replied. “Go check on Hux before he makes an escape like the weasel he is.”

“Right-O, Miss. Captain.”

Hux groaned and straightened himself up. He fixed his messed up hair and huffed before someone came to check on him to make sure he didn’t get a concussion from their shitty landing. Seriously, was there _any_ Resistance member who wasn’t terrible at their job? If there was, then Hux wanted to meet them and thank them for their mediocre adequacy. 

He looked to the doorway as Dameron’s familiar, scruffy face popped into view. Poe looked him over and smiled while calling back over his shoulder:

“Armie’s fine, guys! Still as greasy and mousey as ever!”

“Well isn’t that just great?” Finn called back. Hux heard him mutter something else, but he didn’t understand it. 

“So, Armie Arm,” Poe said, looking at the skinny ginger, “how much do you know about ship mechanics?”

“More than the average General. Why? Do you need my assistance in repairing your shitty kriffing parking job?” Hux sneered, getting satisfaction from mouthing off. He may be a prisoner in his own definition, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t have fun- again, in his own definition. 

“Aren’t you a smart one?”

Finn and Rey came to the main area of the Millennium Falcon and shot glares at Hux. He ignored them and stared at the wall. They both sighed and exited the ship around a hallway, Finn staying close to Rey’s side. Hux wondered for a moment where they were going, but it wasn’t any of his business. He was just glad that he wasn’t being left alone with that Wookie or Rey the Jedi girl. Both of them were, very frankly, too scary for his liking.

Dameron would never be his first choice of company- that spot was reserved for Millicent, Phasma, and Dopheld- but he was sufficient. At the very least though, he wasn’t Ren. Hux slowly stood up, only wincing for a moment at the shock from his leg, and stretched, breathing in the smoke of the crash. He turned to give his attention to Dameron and narrowly missed getting hit in the face with a screwdriver, catching it before he could be assaulted with it. Poe gave him an apologetic smile before calling him over. 

“What?” Hux asked. 

“I’m gonna head around to the other side of this wall and fix the steam leak. I want you to yell at me when it stops and fix any loose screws while you’re at it.”

“You trust I won’t run away?”

“Where would you go? With _your_ lame leg and _this_ planet’s size, it wouldn’t take long to find you even if you _did_ run off.”

“You have the mind of a child,” Hux said, dropping to his knees and getting in position to watch the wall. 

“Sorry, I like to have fun,” Poe beamed. 

Hux shook his head and forced down the smile that threatened to bloom on his face. He was still a prisoner that would most likely be executed after getting drained of all information. He couldn’t afford to get friendly with anyone. Grabbing tighter onto the screwdriver, Hux forced himself to disregard the friendly atmosphere around him.

He watched Dameron- or maybe he should start calling him Poe- leave him alone and turn the corner. Hux faced the wall and felt his chest start to tighten. He cursed himself and the Resistance. He’d be damned if he let himself breakdown with Poe around.

Hux focused on his job. Work had always been his go-to escapism method. It let him be distracted by the task at hand rather than the thoughts in his weak head. So he did his task and he did it diligently. He scoured the wall and fixed any minor breaks and bruises in it as he saw them. When the steam leak stopped, he yelled for Poe and got him to come back to annoy him.

But by all records, Hux thought he did a good job. 

Still, he felt the empty feeling in his chest expand, even when Poe came back and started belittling him again. Poe nudged his shoulder in a friendly manner, a manner Hux wasn’t used to. He pulled back and stood up, whisking Poe’s hand away.

“It’s fixed,” Hux said flatly. 

“I see that.”

“So what do want of me now?”

“What?”

“What do you want? Shouldn’t you be going with the other ones and the droids?”

“Yeah, but then who’d look after you? I’ll swap out for Finn later,” Poe said with a smile. 

“I don’t need looking after. I’m not stupid enough to run away.”

“I’m not _just_ looking after you for that reason,” Poe said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

Hux paused and directed his full attention to Poe before warily answering. “What else, then? I said I won’t answer to any idiotic questions.”

“No no no, don’t worry about that, Hugs. But uh, to put it plainly, you look like you’re just about ready to keel over and die. We’ve got food and drinks on board here, so just tell me what you want and I’ll see if we have it.”

Hux felt embarrassment creep into his soul. He was _not_ just some sick and sad that needed to be dawdled over. Hux obviously knew deep down that Poe meant well, but the rage that came to him from the very plain to see pity took over his impulse control. 

He took a deep breath before responding. “I’m not hungry.”

“You look like you eat once a week. It’s really not that much trouble if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“Look, Dameron, I’m not going to be thrilled and exuberant with my current situation. I’m a prisoner. Prisoners usually aren’t happy.” _Or alive for very long,_ he thought afterwards. 

Hux ignored whatever Poe was about to say and went back to his booth to sit down. Behind him, Poe let out an exasperated sigh and left him alone. Hux suspected he left the ship entirely to check out the planet with his friends. Friends. Damn it. 

At what point did he truly fall out of control? Hux bit his lip and clenched his fists. Though he hated to admit it, or even think about it, the fact that he’d never be able to see his own friends again haunted him. Dopheld, Phasma, and hell, even Millicent, were forever out of his grasp now. It’d be impossible to even talk about fond memories of them with others.

What was the last thing he’d said to them? Did he top up Millicent’s bowl before leaving for work that day? He thought he did. What would Dopheld do without him? Would Phasma get over his “capture” or would she go looking for him? So many questions swarmed his brain that he felt it would hurt. 

Hux held his head in his hands and closed his eyes. He couldn’t cry in public again, especially not in enemy territory. _Maker, Armitage, they aren’t your enemies anymore. You’re not First Order…_ he told himself. His hand subconsciously squeezed tighter on his face, causing him to suck in a quick, pained breath. _This is terrible. Fuck, I’d rather be dead in the crematorium than suffering here._

“Alright, you gotta deal with _me_ now, Hux,” called out Finn’s newly familiar voice. Hux grit his teeth. Why couldn’t they just leave him alone?

“He’s really here,” muttered a stranger. “General Hux. Here. Seriously. And he’s your _prisoner_!”

_Well at least_ someone _gets it._

Hux held back a groan of annoyance and sat back up straight. In the corner of his eyes he could see Finn whispering with a woman he’d never seen before. She was tall, muscular, and almost reminded him of Phasma in her stance. On her neck was a large necklace adorned with military grade dog tags. Hux wondered for a moment about what their significance was, and then he saw the writing scribbled into them. He grew instantly warier of this new stranger upon realizing they were dog tags of First Order commanders. _Deceased_ First Order commanders. 

“Are you finally going to kill me?” Hux nonchalantly asked, eyeing the woman.

“As much as we’d both like to, we can’t. You’re much better to us alive, at least right now.”

“Who’s the new girl?”

Finn looked at her before answering. “An ally,” he said. 

“To you?”

“To all of us. I’m sure you remember Company 77? Bet that was a big blow to your reputation at work, eh Hux?”

Hux froze. Company 77. How could he ever forget? The angry rant and subsequent beating and humiliation from Snoke that resulted from it would forever be a part of him. The defection of Company 77 was a career mistake that cost him his reputation for months. _So she’s one of it’s old members? A rebel trooper like FN?_

Thinking for a second of an appropriate answer, Hux paused. Finn and the ex-trooper woman sat opposite to him on the semi-circle seat and watched him. 

“It was,” Hux eventually said, “... a big blow to me- and my _father,_ for quite some time. I assume she was part of it?”

“I was,” the woman said. “And now you’re just like me. A traitor to the Order.”

“You were smart for leaving, both of you,” Hux suddenly said. “I’m starting to be glad I left too,” he added with a lie. 

“Don’t buy it.”

“I barely ‘buy it’ either, but it’s apparent to me now that I should help you to the best of my abilities, no matter how humiliating it is. What choice do I even have?”

“You hyped him up _way_ too much,” Jannah whispered to Finn. 

“He’s usually a lot more scary and defiant,” Finn whispered back, a little embarrassed.

Hux sighed and lost interest in the pair of traitor troopers. He assumed they would interrogate him further, but they just kept talking to each other and shooting him side glances. He didn’t care though. The wall was entertaining enough to stare at. A few minutes into his session of disassociating, the table was roughly nudged and he got hit in the stomach by its edge. 

“What?” he snapped. 

“Tell us all you know about the First Order,” Jannah demanded.

“And then some,” Fine added. Jannah nodded at him. 

“What else can I add that I didn’t already say in my last transmission? That you’re all going to die and I’ll be executed by Ren himself for abandonment? Oops, guess I forgot that part.”

“We don’t have time for jokes, Hux. You said that the Final Order fleet was dispatching in sixteen hours, and that was-” Finn looked at the time- “seven hours ago. Just tell us anything else you know. Please.”

Hux looked at his lap and grimaced. “Kylo… I think he’s going to try and kill Palpatine instead of joining him.”

“Why would he do that?” Jannah asked. 

“So no one can threaten his power. It’s the same reason why he demoted me and threatened _my_ life. That’s just how Kylo is,” Hux explained with a tone of apathy. “And, the creature you got my other message from was killed; If you care.”

“Never thought I’d hear _you_ going down the self pity route,” Finn joked. 

“When’s the Jedi girl coming back?” Hux asked, ignoring Finn. “Rey, her name was? I’d like to leave and be interrogated _professionally,_ if you don’t mind.”

“Look, you gotta deal with us for the time being, so don’t get sna-”

“Finn!” called out Poe, interrupting his friend. 

Hux flinched a little and turned around to see Poe sprint around the corner. Finn and Jannah jumped up and grew concerned. 

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s Rey! She took a skimmer out onto the ocean!”

“In this weather?!” Jannah shouted. 

“Yeah! I don’t know what she was thinking!” Poe panicked.

“Jannah, do you have another skimmer?” Finn asked. 

“Are you seriously going to go after her?!”

“I have to!”

Jannah and Finn both paused before nodding to each other. They started to run out the ship before they were interrupted by Poe grabbing them. Finn looked at him confused and tried to push past him. 

“I won’t stop you from going out after her,” Poe started, “but you should know that Ren’s cruiser just pulled up onto the wreckage too.” 

“Ren’s here?!” Hux shouted, shocked back into the present. 

“Yeah, so unless you wanna get lightsaber-ed to death like you say he’ll do, stay here. Finn, Jannah, you two still going?”

“I have to,” Finn repeated, determination in his voice.

Poe smiled and patted Finn’s shoulder before ushering him and Jannah outside. Hux sat still aside from his fingers tapping on his thigh. The fear in his eyes was evident as he looked wildly around the ship for any opening to the outside world. Poe noticed Hux’s eyes darting around and frowned. 

“Scared of Ren?” he asked. 

“Don’t insult me,” Hux spat. 

“What’s wrong?” Poe sat down opposite to Hux. He pulled out a granola bar from his pants pocket and offered it up. “Hungry?”

“I said I was fine.”

“Well, if you want it, I’ll leave it here, but I really think you should eat something. And, you know, tell me why you’re so upset.”

“I’m _not_ upset and I wouldn’t say anything to a Rebel flyer anyways. I have my dignity, shattered as it is,” Hux said flatly, quickly grabbing the granola bar and putting it beside him on his seat, hoping pointlessly that Poe didn’t see it. 

“You gotta learn that we’re your allies now, Armie. If you’re worried about what’ll happen back at the base, I can tell you.”

“I’m just-” Hux stopped and considered continuing. 

“Just what?”

He sighed and relaxed his tensed shoulders. “No matter who wins this final fight, I’m never going to have a place to live anymore. My only… my only loved ones are in the First Order, and we’re on opposite sides now. If Ren came here for me then I’m dead. When you finish with me I’m dead. If I run away then I’m dead. So forgive me for being a little self pitying for knowing I’m soon to die.”

Poe sat in stunned silence. Hux rolled his eyes and got up from his seat, taking the granola bar with him in his pocket. He left to explore the ship and try to put his mind at ease, not caring that Poe scrambled after him. 

Hux saw the droids on the ship and turned the other way, not wanting any _one_ or any _thing_ to be around him. Fuck, this wasn’t helping him at all. He felt all the emotions he’d been repressing since Arkanis come barreling out of him like a sludge filled tidal wave. The realizations of his short future and death of his soul hit him hard, and coupled with the fact that Ren was near him once again, he felt like vomiting. But like hell he would ever do that in the presence of a Resistance member.

Finding a secluded room in a back corner of the ship, away from any doors or port holes, Hux smiled sadly and leaned against the wall. He looked around and realized it was a spare clothes closet of sorts. Coats and boots and shirts surrounded him, making the room uncomfortably warm. Hux sighed and rubbed his hand against the soft fabric, a much different feeling than the scratchy nylon-esque material on his own uniform. 

A moment later, Poe came creeping in after him and stood in the doorway. He looked at Hux and hid the pity that normally would have been apparent on his face. Hux scowled back at him but didn’t send him away. Poe took it as an invitation to start talking.

“You… hell, you really think we’re gonna kill you?” he asked in disbelief. 

“Why wouldn’t you? After you have no reason to keep me alive, I bet you’d be doing the whole _galaxy_ a favour by disposing of me. Don’t worry, I won’t fight against it.”

“Hux,” Poe muttered, “that may be how you do it where you come from, but we don’t do that here. I’ll make sure you’re safe.”

“Why? I don’t deserve it. I killed an entire solar system, I’ve killed dozens more just in my workplace, and I’m a First Order General that was in close quarters with Kylo Ren and Snoke. If anything, I _deserve_ to die.”

“You’re not First Order anymore thoug-”

“I am,” Hux harshly said, cutting Poe off. “I still wear the uniform and I haven’t given up my title. The First Order was all I knew for my entire life. I can’t just go and change loyalties like that because you want me to.”

“Is that why you’re upset? You still think you’re part of the Order?” Poe asked, standing next to Hux. 

“If I tell you, you better swear you won’t make fun of me or I’ll dispose of you in your sleep with no regrets whatsoever.”

“Alright, alright, I don’t doubt that you would,” Poe awkwardly chuckled . “Tell me what’s up and I promise I won’t laugh.”

Hux crossed his arms over his chest and gave a hollow laugh. If he really wanted to make the other man laugh, then he’d tell him about his gender situation. Sure, Poe was the only Resistance member he felt semi-comfortable around, but there was no way in hell he would ever tell him _that_ secret. He didn’t deserve to know. Hux looked Poe in the eyes and raised his head, wearing an expression devoid of sadness. 

“I’m not sad, but I’m… upset by the realization that my friends are gone forever. Is that what you wanted to hear? Phasma, Dopheld, and my cat, as dumb as that sounds, were what you’d call my family,” Hux slowly explained. “Now I won’t see them ever again and it hurts. I don’t want it to, I’m not supposed to have close relations, yet it still does. And now Kylo’s here to ruin my life all over again and kill me.”

Poe, the secret tender hearted man he was, felt sympathy blossom inside of him. “You had a cat?” he asked. 

“Her name’s Millicent. I bet Dopheld will take care of her now that I’m gone, but that would mean the Order wins and we all die. And if you and the Resistance wins, that means Millicent, Phasma, and Dopheld will die instead.”

“I never knew you had people you cared about that much. It’s... weird to think of you as a normal human being, no offense.”

“I wish I wasn’t. It’s a weakness,” Hux muttered. 

“No it’s not. Having people you care about gives you the strength you need to fight. If I didn’t have Finn, Rey, Rose, BB-8, and everyone else, I wouldn’t be half the pilot I am today.”

“Alright, then what about people you love or care about that _don’t_ strengthen you like that. The ones that you want to kill despite loving them?” Hux challenged, thinking of Ren. _He’s just outside… I could go see him if I wanted._

“Kill someone you love?” Poe questioned. 

“Never mind. It’s stupid.”

Hux shook his head and made himself ignore his feelings for Ren once again. If what Poe said was true- loved ones giving you strength instead of weakness- then he should apparently be the strongest man in the galaxy. Ren was a special and unique king of love Hux still didn’t understand and didn’t want to. _I want to see him again. But he’ll kill me if I do. What a stupid thing to worry about._

 _Maybe,_ he thought, _Ren_ does _give me strength. Strength to defend myself and kill him, that is. Ironic._

Hux froze up at the sound of coat hangers rustling. He looked to the side and saw Poe flicking through them with a determined look on his face. 

“What are you doing?” Hux reluctantly asked. 

“You’re confused about where your loyalties are, right? Is the uniform you’re wearing messing with your head?”

“What do you mean?”

“I can’t help you with your dilemma about a loved one you want to kill or something, but I can help you with your one about loyalty- kind of,” Poe said while handing Hux an outfit on a hanger. “You said you’re still wearing a First Order uniform, and that makes you a First Order member. Sooooo, why not change out of it?”

Hux stared at the clothes that were forced into his hands. A slightly worn, tan collared shirt (much like the one Poe was wearing, and Hux suspected he chose that one on purpose so they’d match), brown leather gloves that matched a worn vest, and a pair of dark brown pants were in his sights. _A Resistance “uniform”,_ he thought, surprised. He looked back up at Poe. 

“I don’t know if it would help at all, but I thought _maybe-”_

“Are there any spare belts around?” Hux asked, stopping Poe mid sentence. 

Poe grinned and pointed to a bucket behind him on a shelf, not replying. He left the room, shut the doors behind him, and thus, Hux was alone. 

He stared conflicted at the clothes on the hanger before he started to undress. 

He kicked his boots off and placed them neatly to the side, deciding to put them back on after he changed. Nothing- not even the fantasy of mental freedom from the First Order- beat porg-fur lined boots. Every planet in the galaxy should sell them, they were so comfortable. Hux unbuttoned his pants and dropped them to the floor, quickly pulling up his new dark brown ones. They hugged tighter to his skin than he was used to, especially around the calf area. It felt wrong. 

Hux looked dead ahead as he removed his top and undershirt. Though the scars on his chest were nearly fully faded and impossible to see, they were still as fresh as they were right after surgery in his mind. They served only to remind him of his past turmoil. He didn’t bother to fold his shirts and instead slipped his arms through the sleeves of his new one. Like the pants, it was tighter, but still had enough loose room to not feel uncomfortable.

The texture was nice too, like flannel and a soft bed. Hux decided that he liked it. But the sight of the colours on him still felt odd and unnatural. He didn’t know if he felt “right” in them. Needlessly though, he buttoned it up and rolled the sleeves to his mid forearms. If he rolled them to his elbows then he’d look just a little too similar to Poe, and that he didn’t want. He was sure that Poe would get a kick from it at least.

Hux slipped his favourite boots back on, grabbed and fastened a belt around his waist, and looked down at his body. Poe was right. A simple change of clothes made him feel different. His feelings were stuck in the strange plane between confused and accepting. It was a change for sure, a surprise even, but maybe it could be a welcome one for him if he made it. 

He flexed his gloves and picked up his neatly and orderly folded clothes from the ground. Unlike his greatcoat, his First Order uniform meant near nothing to him. It was mass produced and itchy, plain and conforming. His greatcoat had been his and his alone, specially made for him and his needs. It also carried fond memories of his loved ones, so it was special to him, even if he could never wear it in public again. The hidden knife compartment was only an added bonus.

“Lookin’ good, Armitage,” Poe said as Hux stepped out of the closet, fiddling with his gloves.

“Were you waiting outside for me?”

“Obviously.”

“It doesn’t feel like it made any real change.”Hux confessed. 

“You’ll get used to it, I promise.”

For once, Hux took comfort in Poe’s words. _“You’ll get used to_ it”. They were genuine words. Hux tugged at his sleeves and readjusted them slightly. He walked back to the booth, his apparent new place of residence, and sat back down, waiting for the others to get back so they could leave. 

The thoughts of Phasma, Dopheld, and Millie didn’t leave his mind, not for a moment, but he still felt brighter than before. Maybe he _could_ get used to the new clothes on his body. To the new people that surrounded him. 

Maybe he could even get used to calling himself a Resistance fighter. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote most of this in one sitting because I was determined to get it out before I left town for the weekend. I really like this chapter too, so it payed off!


	20. Chapter Twenty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Hux thinks of dying quite a bit in this chapter, and it can be read as either suicidal tendencies or not. Thought I’d mention it just in case!

“Where’s the girl?” Hux asked no one in particular as Finn and Jannah returned to the ship, disheveled and wet. 

“She le-”

“Don’t answer him,” Finn snapped, cutting Poe off. He stopped a moment to look Hux up and down, confused about his outfit change, and then kept walking; it not being too important to him at the moment.

Hux was left dumbfounded as the Resistance fighters paid him no mind and went straight to the cockpit. Was he not imposing enough to even warrant a muzzle? Hux was going to speak up again when he noticed that even Poe seemed a little off, being much less optimistic and sarcastic than usual. _It must be bad then if_ he’s _down,_ he thought to himself, holding his hands together. 

He shook it off and braced himself as the ship took off. It was such a relic that he wondered why they wouldn’t just buy a new one already. Sentimental value wasn’t an appropriate answer, almost as bad as simply saying “Because,”. 

The ride was quick, but not quick enough for his liking. Hux was left alone with his thoughts- something he was starting to hate- with nothing to do but stare at the walls. He thought of his fate and future in the hands of his new allies, of the immaturity of Poe, and, reluctantly, of Ren. He just couldn’t ever seem to get that monster out of his mind, no matter how hard he tried. And try he did. Relentlessly. 

_It makes sense,_ he thought, _me thinking of him. But, kriff do I wish I’d never met him. I’d be happy being a General favoured by Snoke, a feared king of the First Order, and maybe even still have my Starkiller if Ren never existed. Plus, I’d be back to being the level headed man I usually am._

Hux bit his gloves to hide his sigh of annoyance. Annoyance at Ren and the Resistance, but mainly at himself. He thought himself a fool for ever falling in love with Ren when there were infinite other choices. Phasma was nice, and they had a rich history together, so why couldn’t he be infatuated with her? She didn’t even care about him being less of a man for his birth, even scolding him for thinking that way of himself. But he couldn’t help it sometimes. Nothing about his life was good.

Ren... that man was born perfect, a beauty among the crowd, and Hux himself was born a mess of parts, needing to be fixed and torn apart with time. Why should a brat like Ren get everything handed to him on a silver platter? He should have to get everything through hard work, just like everyone else in this damn world. Call it predictability, but Hux thought it wasn’t fair.

“Hux?” called Poe’s tentative voice, breaking the man’s internal conflict. 

“Damn, it must _really_ be serious if he’s not using a dumb nickname,” Hux muttered to himself, not acknowledging Poe.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“Oh.” Poe sat down on the opposite end of the semicircular couch and reached behind his back. Hux looked at him quizzically. 

“What’s that?”

“It’s for you,” Poe explained. “Er, when we land at the base.”

“Well what is it?”

“A hat! To hide your uh... very _distinct_ hair...? Not many people in the galaxy are as ginger and soulless as you,” Poe joked, cheering up considerably. 

Hux looked at the ugly beige bucket hat that now lay on the table in front of him with obvious and very apparent disgust. Did Poe really expect him to wear something so hideous? The Resistance needed a lesson in fashion, more specifically in appealing colours to flaunt around in. Nothing beat a good black with red and white accents, nothing. This was just insulting.

He looked back up at Poe and pushed the hat away. Poe frowned and jumped over the table, trying to force it onto the ex-General’s head like a father would with a bratty child. Hux quickly, and rather roughly, grabbed Poe’s wrist and snatched the hat away. He threw it beside him on his seat and glared into Poe’s eyes. 

“Don’t,” he spat. 

“Christ, calm down, Mr. Temper Tantrum. I’m just tryna help you.”

“You’re the one who said I’m a Resistance member now, so why should the others be scared of me or hate me,” Hux counterpointed, grumbling. 

“Okay, fair point. Could ya let go of my wrist though? It kinda hurts.”

Hux followed Poe’s gaze and saw that he was indeed still grasping his wrist in a near ironlike grip. He quickly dropped it and wiped his hand on his ever uncomfortable pants. What a dumb move.

“Don’t hurt my feelings, Huxy,” Poe fake pouted, standing up. “We’ll be landing just about now, so put the hat on if you want. Or don’t. It’s not too important.”

“Will you present me to Organa?” Hux solemnly asked. 

“Yes, but a little bit after we present the news. Having you here is a little bit of a shock to say the least. But, hey! Finn and Rey’ll be glad to get you off the Falcon if anything.”

“I don’t care what they think.”

“I thought so,” Poe said. “Anyways, we’ll be landing in like, a minute, so you can see Leia real soon, alright?”

Hux waved him off in a sense of ‘sure, whatever”, and went back to doing nothing. Well, he was also silently panicking on the inside, more than he ever had in his life. He was about to meet General Organa, _the_ General Organa. The woman who foiled his plans time and time again, the only fellow General who could compete with him. He would be lying if he said he didn’t respect her. Who wouldn’t?

He’d also be lying if he said he wasn’t terrified of her.

The ship tumbled on its descent and Hux savoured it. It served as a nice distraction. He let out a slightly nervous huff and stared down at the table, averting his gaze from Poe. The damn Rebel was still there, laughing up a silent storm no doubt. 

As the ship settled down and eventually stopped its whirring engine, Hux got out of his seat. Poe raised his hand to stop him, placing it gently on his shoulder. From behind them, Finn and Jannah came out of the cockpit along with the droids and the Wookie. Hux tensed at their presence, and even more so when a pair of industrial handcuffs were presented to him. 

“We can’t just have someone with your past walking around,” explained Poe. “It’d scare the kids, y’know?”

“You have children here?”

“No, it’s just a saying...”

Finn rolled his eyes at Poe as he did the handcuffs onto Hux’s wrists. Hux wore them so his hands were in front of him as opposed to behind, which was a welcome action. Having your hands bound behind your back was humiliating, and he didn’t need to feel any more of that. He tested the strength of the cuffs for a moment and then concluded that they were indeed about the same as the ones in the First Order. At least they could splurge on prisoner control in the Resistance.

Hux got a slight shove from Finn and was forced out of the ship. _Well, doesn’t_ someone _have a vendetta against me?_ he thought. While they climbed down the walkway, Hux took in the sights around them.   
  
The planet was incredibly lush and alive. All around him were tall trees, mosses, small creatures, and vines. He silently congratulated the Resistance on finding such a beautiful and secluded planet to set up on. It was much better than their other potential options, and even Hux could admire the detailed camp set up in the clearing.

“You’re back!” cried a woman’s voice. 

“Yeah, and we have urgent news for Leia,” Poe replied, shoving Hux behind himself to hide the ginger. Hux silently thanked him. 

“Oh, well-”

“Look, we need to see Leia as soon as possible. Where is she?”

Hux watched the woman’s expression change slightly and he winced. She seemed reluctant to tell them something, and Hux, being the man he was, thought the worst. He shuffled further behind Poe and kept his gaze wandering around the Resistance base, taking in the leafy greens that surrounded him once again. He could tell something bad was about to happen and he wanted no part of it. 

“Where’s Leia?” Finn asked. 

“She’s… uhm...” the woman trailed off and took a deep breath, looking away. “She died before you got back...”

Everyone froze in shock, including Hux.

 _Dead? Dead as in…_ dead _dead?_ Hux started to fidget with his cuffs in increasing fear. If Leia was dead, _now_ what would happen to him? Looking at Poe and the rest of the crew, Hux felt a pang of sympathy- a pang of weakness- enter his heart. He almost wanted to reach out and help, but he knew it would do nothing.

Poe was in silent shock, tightly gripping onto Finn’s shoulder to steady himself. Finn was staring at the woman like she was crazy, and then he looked around to the rest of the camp. Everyone else was either looking sorrow or averting their gaze to the ground, none of them wanting to confront the reality of their situation. Some people looked at Hux with evident confusion, prompting him to wish he took the hat he was offered before. 

Suddenly, from in front of him, the Wookie let out a blood curdling cry of grief. The howl caused some of the other base members to start crying themselves, like the realization that their beloved General was really gone finally hit them. Hux cringed and followed behind Poe as the X-Wing pilot went deeper into camp, not knowing what else to do. Finn stayed behind to comfort the crying Wookie, along with Jannah and the droids. 

Poe looked behind him and abruptly stopped in his tracks by a tree, gripping his arms tightly across his chest. Hux subsequently stopped too. He noticed a blossoming pain in Poe’s eyes, once again causing him to feel a shred of sympathy. Only a shred though; he wasn’t a weak man. 

“Where are you going?” Poe asked. 

“Where are _you_ going?” Hux answered, feeling a wave of anxiousness wash over him. “I can’t exactly follow anyone else around here.”

Poe pinched his nose bridge with his hand and breathed in deep. “Right. Right, I know that. I just- fuck. I can’t- I... I don’t want to be around you right now.”

“Why so?”

“Like you don’t know!” Poe suddenly burst out, causing Hux to grow confused. “You must be celebrating right now in your head; having a little party! Leia Organa- your strongest opponent- is finally dead. Are you fucking happy? There’s another win for the First Order!”

All the sympathy and compassion Hux had for Poe drained out instantly. _How dare he?_ he angrily thought. Taking a quick moment to process his outburst, Hux looked Poe dead in the eyes, unflinching. 

“I thought you said I was a Resistance Member now,” he nearly spat out.

“You are, but I just don’t- I mean I… you know what I mean!”

“Look, I’ll admit that… as a General, I eventually wanted to defeat her in battle. But I never thought I’d actually do it, or that she’d ever really die.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that I had a deep respect for her military strategies. She was strong and one of the only people who ever gave me competition, and I’m not ashamed to say I’m at least a little bit disheartened at the news. So I’m not _celebrating_ or glad over this, know that.”

Poe wiped his eyes with his sleeve discreetly while processing Hux’s words. He looked away in embarrassment. Hux watched him cautiously, fiddling half heartedly with his cuffs to remind him that he was there.

“Right, I’m- yeah, I’m sorry, Armie,” Poe laughed while holding back his tears. “It’s just a lot to think about... I can’t even really accept it.”

“It’s fine,” he replied bluntly with the tiniest smile. 

Poe shuffled and then kept walking, making sure Hux was behind him. “I’m going to see her now, if you want to wait outside her room…?”

“General Organa’s room?”

“Yeah. Just… follow me, ‘kay?”

“Alright.”

Hux did so. He followed Poe, hands dangling in front of him, until they reached the entrance to a hangover. It was like a civilized cave where anyone could come and go; certainly no place for a General to live, Hux thought. _But I suppose the Resistance functions differently than us- them. Them, not us. You’re not First Order any more, dumbfuck._

Poe held his hand in front of Hux in a signal to tell him to wait before entering the cave. Hux watched Poe turn the corner and disappear. He could still faintly hear the sounds emanating from inside, but he tried not to eavesdrop lest he be made a fool. He had morals, and he wouldn’t spy on a grieving man.

But Hux quickly grew bored of waiting. The excitement that came from seeing his greatest militarial rival’s quarters faded away quite fast. So he leaned back against the wall and scanned the camp. No one bothered to come up and greet him- or try to figure out who the hell he was- so he grew more confident. As confident as you could be in “enemy” territory. _Kriff it’s going to take me awhile to adjust to this,_ he thought.

While Hux gazed across the camp, he caught sight of a tall, older man who’d already caught sight of him. He silently panicked when he came closer.  
  


“So they weren’t lying!” called the deep, jubilant voice. Hux got a closer look at the face of the man who was signalling to him and felt the colour drain from his body. _Makerdamnit, I thought he was dead._ “General Hux, feared as the Starkiller across the galaxies, here in person. And in cuffs no less. They finally manage to capture you?.”

“You’re-” 

“Lando Calrissian, I know,” Lando smugly declared. “And _you’re_ Hux, no first name that I know of. Unless you wanna tell it to me?”

“It’s Armitage,” Hux replied, albeit cautiously. He gained a little confidence from the mans pleasant demeanour and muttered his burning words. “I was under the impression that you were dead, or at the very least stowed away and hidden on some remote outer rim planet. We all were...”

“A good cover up, eh?”

“Are you going to fight Kylo’s army? You’ll die. You’ll all die.”

Lando frowned and wrapped his strong arms around the back of Hux’s neck. “That’s not a very positive outlook. I die when I decide I will, not a moment sooner.”

“I was raised to never have high expectations, except for yourself,” Hux spat, flinching at the sudden pressure on his neck. 

Lando let out a genuine laugh and brought Hux close to him. Hux in turn struggled out of the iron grip and shook himself off. He wanted to rub at the base of his neck more than anything. Instead, he watched Lando again, a slight glare on his face. 

“Do you wanna come in with me?” Lando asked after a moment.

“In there? To see General Organa?”

“Now that’s a respectable title. You learn fast, Armitage.”

Hux- though he would never admit it- felt a small bit of warmth spread to his cheeks as the Empire-era war legend used his real name. “She was a respectable General.”

“That she was. Come on.”

“I was under the pretence that I wouldn’t be allowed to, seeing that I’m in a strange place with loyalties at the moment.”

“As long as you stick with me, you’ll be fine.” 

Lando didn’t give Hux a choice in if he was coming or not, but it didn’t matter. Hux would have gone in anyways eventually; out of curiosity or to sit in sorrow he did not know. He readjusted the itchy collar of his shirt and ducked his head under the awning. 

It was bright inside, but the air still held a feeling of sadness. It was a heavy atmosphere to say the least. Hux swallowed and kept his hands to himself, not daring to touch a thing. When the pair turned the corner, Hux saw Poe sitting and facing a body draped in a curtain. _General Organa,_ Hux concluded. He watched Poe speak to Leia and buried his sympathies deep in his heart. 

“I just don’t know how we’re gonna pull this off. I don’t know how _you_ pulled anything off,” Poe mumbled. “I’m not ready to do this alone.”

“Well neither were we,” Lando said softly, wrapping his arm around Hux’s neck once again. “But you never really can be. Sometimes you just... need a little hope.”

“Lando… and Armie. Nice to see you here,” Poe mumbled, his voice choking out slightly.

“Oh, does General Hux has a nickname?”

“I don’t.”

“Sure you don’t,” Lando joked before getting serious. “Look, Poe, back in the old war, we didn’t have _any_ clue what we were doing. Not one. But, what we did have was eachother, and that hope we’d win the war.”

“And it paid off…” Poe said slowly. 

“Leia wouldn’t want us to waste our precious time grieving over her. From what I’ve heard, the Final Order fleet is coming in just a few hours. We need all the time we can get to defeat it.”

Poe paused and then wiped his wet eyes. “Yeah… yeah. We- we gotta get ready. Come on, Hugs.”

“Two nicknames?” 

“Four, actually. Hugs, Huxy, Armie, and any variation based off his hair,” Poe chuckled, cheering himself up. 

_And I’m opposed to all of them,_ Hux bitterly thought. He disregarded it though and let himself be dragged out of Leia’s room by Lando Calrissian. He was still in a bit of awe-induced star-struckedness, though, once again, he’d never admit it to anyone. 

Hux kept his eyes darting around the Resistance base camp, feeling a deep fear in his soul for his life. While he didn’t fear being dead, the thought of the process dying scared him. The pain that came with it and the fact that he’d be killed by nameless Resistance fighters gnawed at him. He expected to be mauled by the camp as soon as they figured out who he was. Not even Poe could protect him then. 

_Stupid,_ he thought. _You’re stupid. They’re pansies, the lot of them. They could never muster up the courage to kill someone in cold blood, face to face. Not even someone like me._ Hux grumbled to himself and kept his eyes moving. He saw that he was now standing in front of a control panel with a crowd around him. Poe was beside him as well, climbing onto a small platform and motioning to a map of sorts on a screen. 

“What’s that?” a small woman asked before he could. Hux knew her, and seeing her again made him clench his fist and glare. 

“It’s a transmission, Rose. From… From Luke Skywalker’s X-Wing…?” Poe replied, not believing what he was saying.

“That must be wrong. Master Luke is gone,” said the golden droid who Hux only know realized was there. 

“Well his X-Wing ain’t, 3-PO. I think it’s a map!”

“A path through Exegol?” suggested Finn. 

“I think so! Rey must be transmitting this to us so we can follow her! We can go fight and help!”

A bigger gathering made their way around them and looked on in anticipation. Hux hoped none of them were watching him, but they were and he knew it. Poe suddenly got excited and turned to face the entire lot of Resistance members. Hux turned around too, following the lead of the only person here who didn’t want to skin him. 

“Rey’s given us a chance,” Poe commanded. “A chance to put an end to the Final Order _and_ their fleet on Exegol.”

“Exegol!? Final Order? Who’s that? Yeah!” rang out the crowd, their voices mixing together in a cacophony of sound. 

“Rey went to kill Palpatine, we have to give her backup and take out their fleet. They should have a comm-tower somewhere, and we gotta hit that so they’re grounded.”

“Poe, is that really…” asked Rose, softly and hesitantly. 

Poe turned to where she was pointing and got an expression in his eyes like he’d forgotten Hux was even there. “Er- yes. Everyone! The reason we know of the Exegol fleet in the first place is because of the First Order spy. And the spy, as you can see, is uh- is none other than General Hux! InmydefenseIdidn’twanthimtogetkilledanthoughthe’dbemorevaluabletoushere.”

Hux looked off to the side as the entire camp scrutinized him. He heard many insults thrown his way in the mayhem- insults he definitely deserved. _I just wish they’d kill me already. Not that they’d ever grant me that mercy. Cowards._

“Don’t worry, he's staying here and he’ll be confined to a cell while we’re gone,” Finn explained. “And- for the record- it was General _Dameron’s_ idea to take him with us, not anyone else’s.”

“Thanks for stickin’ up for me, buddy,” Poe joked through gritted teeth. 

“No problem.”

“Well, there’s no time to stand around. We have to go fight...!”

That seemed to rejuvenate the camp again and they all sprung into action. Hux watched them enter X-Wings, load cannons, call signals to each other, and run around like scared bugs ran away from Millicent. He missed Millicent, the only living being he could tell anything, mainly because she couldn’t talk. _Some life forms are just more blessed than others._

Hux looked up when he felt a tug on his cuffs. Finn was pulling him along to a small, ragtag building in the corner of the camp. He guessed- and then was affirmated- that it was the Resistance version of a holding cell. There were no other prisoners in the cells (Hux still had to get it through his brain that he was an ally now. Old habits die hard) and all of them were vacant. 

At least they seemed cozy. Much better than the First Order detention cells. These ones even came equipped with a real bed and a fold out screen in front of the toilet. _That’s much appreciated for a man like me,_ he thought jokingly. The two men paused in front of the open door to a cell.

“You don’t like me, do you?” Hux suddenly asked. 

“Of course I don’t. No one here does. I don’t even think Poe likes you, not really.”

“He’s saying that I’m a Resistance member now.”

“Maybe to him you are. But you’ve done too many bad things to ever truly be a part of us. It’s just the facts,” Finn said. 

“You were part of the First Order too, a while ago. I thought you’d have more sympathies for me. We’re men of equal backgrounds.”

“Yeah, well I didn’t blow up an entire solar system, did I?”

Hux could have sworn he heard a crack in Finn’s voice, one indicating fought back tears. He disregarded it though when he got a light shove and was forced into the cell. Luckily, he didn’t lose his footing and make a fool of himself. 

He looked towards Finn with a blank expression, and Finn looked back. _What should I say? What’s_ appropriate _to say right now?_ Hux thought. _Oh, I guess this wouldn’t be the worst option._

“Good luck, Finn,” he said, trying his best to seem genuine. 

Finn looked a little shocked, but quickly regained his composure. Hux silently commended him for it. “Don’t need it. We’re gonna win anyways,” he replied. “And don’t call me Finn. We aren’t friends.”

“Noted.”

And with that, Finn gave Hux one last look over before he left and disappeared out the door. Hux watched him go and then relaxed. His breaths quickly grew shaky and he rushed to the bed to sit down. It was springy and old and made an ear splitting creak with every slight movement he made, but it was still better than a metal slab hung on the wall by chains, right?

Hux flopped on his back and rested his cuffed hands on his stomach. He stared up at the ceiling and started counting the dust particles to pass the time, but mainly to distract himself. He knew it was bad to think this way, but he couldn’t help it. The nagging thought that the Resistance would lose against Ren and Palpatine wouldn’t leave him. 

And if they lost, where would he go next?


	21. Chapter Twenty-One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *posts a 5000+ word chapter at 12:33 am like a boss*

Hux lay on the semi-comfortable holding cell bed for quite some time. He wasn’t paying any attention to the passing of time, so it was impossible to know just how long he’d really been there, doing absolutely nothing. He suspected over two hours. Maybe more, maybe less. Like previously stated, he wasn’t keeping track. 

The cell, though rather homely, was coated in a thin layer of dust, and wasn’t very soundproof. Hux was acutely aware of every passing insect or creature in the jungle of a planet outside the walls he was stuck in. Some even came in to see the new visitor. Small bugs buzzed in his ears, prompting him to pull the comforter over his head and hide underneath it. 

_I take it back,_ he bitterly thought. _First Order holding cells are better, simply because they don’t have wild bugs living inside them._ Hux grumbled to himself and struggled to get comfortable on the mattress. He still thought that the only way he was getting out of here was if Ren found him after he won the war. And he definitely would. Everything just seemed to go perfectly for him, that bastard. Ren would come for him soon enough and put his saber through his foolish, love-stricken heart. 

The Resistance has no feasible chance of coming out on top in Hux’s mind. He’d seen and heard second hand how large the Final Order’s fleet was; hundreds of battleships with planet killing weapons. What means of defense did the Resistance have? A handful of X-Wings, an ancient ship called the Millenium Falcon, and their oh so ‘powerful’ hope. Hope didn’t win wars. Skill and prowess and murder did.

Hux sighed. He raised his hands to his head and rubbed his temples, fighting off a coming headache. Staring ahead at the blanket, he felt his eyelids grow heavy. He pushed down a yawn and willingly pushed his head deeper into the cheap pillow. When was the last time he’d had time to sleep? So much had happened to him in just a single day that he couldn’t remember. 

He’d done his usual morning routine of showering, getting dressed, and feeding Millicent, done most of his gruellingly long shift on the ship, and then heard the news. Probably the most life changing new of his life. Then, he went and calmly speed walked to his post and got kidnapped by the Resistance. And now his life was completely and utterly flipped upside down, never to be the same no matter how hard he wished. He could never be able to see Dopheld or Phasma or Millicent again, he wouldn’t get to live out his legacy as the most feared First Order General in the galaxy like he wanted to, and he’d definitely never be able to achieve his dream of being Emperor. _Emperor, what a nice title. Pity the Resistance doesn’t have a fancy rank like that._

Hux closed his eyes. He was ever so tired; ever so exhausted. If he was going to be on the losing side of a pointless war, then he at least deserved a nap. His first proper rest in days. He readjusted himself one more time before he let himself quickly drift off into slumber, not even bothering to take his boots or gloves off. What would even be the point? His time was to be over sooner or later.

——

The first time Hux felt truly alive- truly free and wild- was on the day he witnessed his father and mother tremble. They both fell silent and obedient from the moment Rae Sloane ordered them to leave their son alone. Armitage, only around eleven or twelve standard years old at the time, watched Admiral Sloane fearlessly defend herself against the monster he knew as his father. She beat him into submission without a second thought, and Armitage just watched. He saw a tyrant fall for the first time in his life, and he’d been one to help. 

After that, and even beforehand, Armitage stuck close to Rae Sloane’s side. He knew even as a young child that the only reason she protected him in the first place- all that time ago on the _Imperialis-_ was for her own benefit. Without Armitage’s influence on the orphans, Brendol Hux would have definitely sent them to kill her in her sleep. Rae Sloane has won him over to her side and promised him safety and as much love as she could give him. And from that day on, Armitage had a guardian angel looking out for him. 

When his father started teaching him about all the inner workings of the First Order, back when it was fairly new and unstable, Armitage found a new passion. He learned all he could in a short time frame, feeling strength blossom in his soul at the thought of rising through the ranks. One day, he could be stronger than his father, or even as strong as Rae Sloane herself. Wouldn’t that be a treat for the eyes? It was at that moment that he knew he was destined to be a ruler over the weak. 

Armitage could only remember bits and pieces of his young childhood. Most of it was living in fear and being a gopher boy for his parents friends and colleagues. Brendol and Marattelle; Brooks and Pryde; the four terrible terrors of his life. Armitage couldn’t even remember the names of his friends on Arkanis, the officers in charge during his childhood, or the day he realized he was born wrong. The feeling just came to him eventually, he reasoned, slowly but surely. 

What he did remember though, was going to see Rae Sloane first. She was the only positive adult influence in his life back then, and he may have even regarded her in the same light as a proper mother. His other two options for that position weren’t very good. Looking back on the moment, Armitage realized that if he had went to his father first, he may be a dead floater in the galaxy. He definitely knew that Brendol regarded him as a failure of a child, and even more so as he grew up into adulthood.

Armitage was young, yes, but he wasn’t foolish. He knew something was wrong with his body, he just didn’t have the words to describe it. But Rae Sloane did. She knew everything. Maybe that was one of the reasons he liked her so much. She always knew just what to do, without a moment's hesitation. It was a beautiful trait of hers.

He had awkwardly mumbled out his feelings to her one night after her shift, tears spilling from his eyes. Like a saint, she had knelt to his small height and made light of his situation before going to confront Brendol. Armitage remembered watching from the doorway as she explained what his father was meant to do. He’d never before felt so powerful yet so meek as in that very moment. 

Since that day, he’d been able to live the way he was meant to. Hormone implants and surgeries became available to him as soon as they were safe, and everyone seemed to forget about the existence of Brendol’s bastard daughter seemingly overnight. And now, as a full grown and respectable adult, almost no one in the Order knew of his secret. He member discussed it with anyone, not even with his dear friend Dopheld Mitaka. The ones that did know though were either dead or sworn to secrecy by him and Rae Sloane.

Rae Sloane, his saviour. 

The day she died, Hux was not at all ashamed to admit that he mourned her in his quarters and felt his heart break in two. 

  
  
  


Hux had gotten word of Ren’s existence before he’d actually seen him.

It had come in the form of a rumour, presented to him by a young Dopheld, who’d probably accidentally overheard it from a higher up. That’s how most rumours came to the lower ranked of the ships. But by then, they were twisted and malformed; a broken light to what they used to be.

Dopheld Mitaka- the brand new private in the First Order- had attracted Hux’s attention quickly enough with his bumbling personality and strong work ethic. He was respectful and unusually kind, chatting up anyone his rank in the break room. Hux had watched him from afar and purposely assigned him to missions with himself to learn for of his character. Everyone took a new recruit under their care at one point, and for Hux that new recruit had been Dopheld, though he still did not know what really drew him to the black haired private. Back then, Dopheld had been a little bit shorter, a little bit baby faced, and a little more innocent. 

“Did you hear that the Supreme Leader has a secret apprentice?” whispered Dopheld to Hux one day while they shared a meal in the break room.

Hux, not yet a General then, was ashamed to admit that he was intrigued. _A secret apprentice? Supreme Leader would never._

“An apprentice?” he remembered asking, feigning indifference. 

“A Jedi. I even heard that they’re the son of Leia and Han Solo. You know, Ben Solo.”

“The Prince of Alderaan? He’s a born and bred Resistance sympathizer. That’s the stupidest rumour I’ve ever heard, Mitaka.”

“ _I_ didn’t make it up,” Dopheld had jokingly grumbled back between bites of his sandwich. 

“I didn’t say you did, did I?”

At the time, Hux had been content to leave it at that.

Besides for his own morbid curiosity, he had no desire to meet this mystery apprentice. What would be the point? He didn’t have anything to gain from it, though sparking a mutual alliance with the misguided Jedi wouldn’t be unwelcome. How foolish he’d been in hindsight. But really, how could he have known back then that Ren would be the worst person to stumble into his pathetic life?

By the time Hux met Ren mask to face, they were both changed men, not entirely realizing it. Hux had grown weary of dealing with his father and his friends, and Ren had the same ferocity burning inside of him. Blood stained both of their hands a sickly red, their eyes and hearts as well. They were two sides of the same coin from the very beginning, that was plain to see to everyone but them. If Hux was an artful man, he’d call it poetic. If Ren was a smart man, he’d call it a partnership. 

It was supposed to be a normal day for Hux. Just working double shifts like he usually did, trying to gain the power coveted oh so much as quickly as possible. Supreme Leader Snoke was even starting to take an interest in him. Too bad the biggest mistake of his life had to come along and exist. 

In the middle of his shift, Hux finally saw him. By that point, it had been announced that a new face was amongst them, so Hux was less startled than he would usually have been. The face was named Kylo Ren, and he was a face- or rather a _mask-_ to be respected. 

Hux saw Ren walk past him while he was on his way to his new post. Ren was going one way, he was going the other, and they brushed against each other in the narrow hallway. It was as simple as that, but just from a simple brush by, Hux knew that he would grow to loath the man. His reasoning being that anyone who became so high ranked overnight didn’t deserve it.

No one was more deserving of being the Supreme Leader’s favourite than he himself. Or so he believed in his heart. _A Resistance born_ Jedi _can’t be so important. I’m a First Order Colonel, and I’m well on the path to becoming a General as great as my father. What’s a little force magic got on that?_

  
  


“Have you met Kylo Ren?” Hux had asked Phasma the next day as they sat in her private break room.

“I haven’t yet. I assume by your tone that _you_ have?”

“I did. It was in the hallway yesterday. What did he do to be so coveted already? He’s not even First Order or Empire born. His parents are members of the Resistance for fucks sake.”

“I wouldn’t curse him out like that, Armitage. He’s a Jedi with the force, I wouldn’t doubt that he can hear you from across the ship.”

“Why would he be listening in to a man like me? I’m not important to him,” Hux joked, scowling slightly. 

“You never know. Once you take over your father’s station when he dies, you’ll run into Ren a lot more.” 

“Maybe so. But I still don’t like him.”

“I could tell,” Phasma said. 

  
  
  
  


It wasn’t until the elder General Hux- Brendol- had died that Armitage Hux finally felt free again. For many long and careful nights, he’d planned out the assassination of his devil of a father, taking pleasure in the thoughts of the future. He knew that he couldn’t do it himself- as much as he wished so- or it’d be too easy for forensics to realize he was the culprit.

So, being the genius he was, he struck up a deal with Phasma, his most trusted friend. If she killed him in an untraceable way, he’d give her the position of Captain once he took over his father's place. Phasma, knowing that she could trust Armitage, agreed, and within a week, Brendol Hux had died under mysterious circumstances, never to be heard from again, lest he become a ghost. 

From then on, Hux took over the command of his dead father's army, and Phasma became the most feared stormtrooper Captain in history. Their bond grew stronger, and both of them knew they would die for one another if the day ever came. And now, _Armitage_ Hux got to report directly to the Supreme Leader, not Brendol. The exhilaration Hux got from speaking to Snoke was impossible to comprehend. Finally, he was getting the recognition he deserved. To think, a bastard son like him would ever get here. Maybe dreams really do come true. 

The power Hux coveted was finally being handed to him on a silver platter after years of work. All the double and triple shifts, all the bribery and ass kissing, and all the times he flared to life with his ambition had finally paid off. It was almost as if Hux’s life was finally going the way it was supposed to. 

Two weeks later, on a failed mission with Kylo Ren himself, Hux gave up on that notion.

Two days after, when he killed Admiral Brooks with his own hands and blaster, he re-adopted it.

_Life is meant to have its ups and downs, isn’t it? I should stop focusing on the negatives and accept them when they come. Really, I should stop focusing on that child Ren. I know I should._

But he couldn’t.

For the rest of his career as General, Hux just couldn’t seem to forget Ren. It was impossible to ignore him, yes, with his bi-weekly temper tantrums and all, but to be so focused on him when he wasn’t even around was something else. Deep down, Hux knew from the very beginning that he had somewhat of an affinity for Ren. The sheer power and emotion that came from the knight was intoxicating, and Hux didn’t know if he wanted to love or _be_ Ren.

He resented it though, and so decided to force it down and not pay attention to it. Though in doing so, he only allowed the unchecked emotions to grow stronger as the days went by. 

Maybe that’s why he felt jealous and bitter whenever Ren went out on missions with other Generals. Maybe it was the reason why he tried to silently put up with Ren’s bullshit instead of biting back like he usually would with anyone else. Maybe finally fessing up to his feelings and letting them spill out was his fatal mistake in life. Maybe his attraction to the ones who hurt him stemmed from his childhood and the way his parents treated him.

So many maybes.

Too many to confront. Too many to ignore. 

Ren. It was always Ren. It was always the ones who hurt him that stuck around the longest. Even after he left, joined the Resistance and put his past behind him, the pain lived on. He thought more of Ren and Brendol, Pryde, Brooks, and Snoke than he did of Rae Sloane, Phasma, and Dopheld. His dead abusers really did get the last laugh, even in the afterlife. That hardly seemed fair. 

It wasn’t fair. 

Nothing in his life was. It was an endless cycle of impossible tests, all trying to force him back. Even from birth, he’d been tested. But Hux knew he was no weak man. No, a man who could conquer his own body and mind like he did was far from weak. Ren could never do what he did. Not even Rae Sloane, the goddess among women that she was, could prosper as much as he did in his conditions.

But still, despite everything;

He still wanted someone to praise him for his accomplishments. 

He still wanted someone to be kind to him. 

He still wanted someone to love him. 

He wanted someone. 

He wanted. 

——

“Hugs! You sleepin’ on the job?” called an overly excited voice. 

Hux woke up slowly and groggily, his eyes still heavy with sleep. His neck cracked as he stretched, making him bend his fingers out of habit. The noise level outside had grown exponentially from when he’d gone down for his nap, and he assumed that it was what had really woken him up. 

He pushed his head out from under the covers and turned around to face the cell bars. Seeing Poe there, he turned back around. 

“Hey cold stuff,” Poe laughed, sounding out of breath. “What’s up with you?”

“Sleeping,” Hux grumbled back. Suddenly, it registered in his mind that Poe was talking to him. An _alive_ Poe. He spun back around and sat up in bed. “You’re alive,” he whispered. 

“Do I look like a ghost to you?”

“You won the war…”

“Of course we did! ’You think we wouldn’t?”

“I won’t lie and say I had much hope in you,” Hux said slowly, disbelief evident in his voice. 

Poe genuinely smiled at him and opened the door. “You wanna come celebrate with us? It’s a real party out there, too much happiness for your liking though.”

“I’d rather stay here, thanks. Alone. No one wants me out there anyways, especially now.”

Poe sighed and came into Hux’s cell. He took the keycard to unlock his cuffs out of his pocket and waved it in Hux’s face, teasing him. Hux scowled back up at him but let Poe remove his cuffs. He shook his hands out and looked to the window in his cell. Poe frowned. 

“Come on. It would do you good.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Yeah you do,” Poe muttered with an awkward grin.

“I do?” Hux dryly laughed. 

“There’s, uh… someone you’ll definitely wanna see out there. Well... maybe definitely isn’t the _exact_ right word.”

“What the hell does that even mean?”

“You’ll see.”

_Way to be cryptic,_ Hux thought. Nevertheless, he pushed himself out of bed, his curiosity once again getting the better of him. Shaking out and smoothing his clothes, Hux took Poe’s open hand and followed his lead out of the holding cell building and into the crowd. 

He immediately regretted it. 

All around him were joyous cheers and laughs, dancing and yelling and hugging and kissing galore. Maker, there was so much hugging. People celebrated and smiled wide without a care in the world, and Hux was utterly confused. 

In the First Order, this would never have happened. When they won a battle- even one as important as this- the most they did to celebrate was a conngradualtory nod to one another. No one would dare to show their true feelings like this. It was simply unheard of.

Hux took in the ruckus, feeling extremely out of place. Even without his First Order General’s uniform, he stood out in the crowd like a sore thumb. Poe didn’t seem to notice Hux’s discomfort though and he kept leading him throughout the camp, looking for something or someone. Hux had no choice but to follow him, less he wanted to be sucked into the madness around him. That, he would rather die than to be forced to participate in. 

“You good, Hugs?” Poe asked, giving his hand a squeeze. “You’re starting to look a little on edge.”

“I’m fine. Just- where the hell are we going?”

“Uhm, I think they’re just up ahead.”

“Who’s ‘just up ahe-’”

Hux cut himself off mid sentence. He saw an old school X-Wing up ahead with the girl Jedi piloting it, having just recently landed it. _So she’s alive, so what?_ he thought bluntly. _I never cared for her._

Not a moment later, Hux felt his heart nearly stop beating. 

His breath hitched and he bit his lip, taking a tentative step back. He clenched his free hand and raised it ever so slightly into a defensive position while staring dead eyed at the X-Wing. More specifically, at the second passenger inside of it. Poe noticed Hux change his disposition and went to calm him down. 

“You good?”

“ _What the fuck is Kylo doing here_?!” Hux snapped, ripping his hand away from Poe’s in anger.

“I know, I know! I only just found out about it cause Rey paged me, but uh… she said he’s a good guy now! Like you are!”

“Are you insane?! Braindead?! He’s Kylo kriffing _Ren_! You know just how terrible he is, how could he ever- I mean, _honestly,_ just- what the fuck?!”

“Hey hey hey, calm down or they’ll hear you,” Poe joked comfortingly, putting his hand on his shoulder. Hux shook him off immediately.

“I’m pretty sure they already did,” said Finn, coming up behind them. 

The two Resistance fighters locked eyes before grinning and hugging each other tight. Hux half watched them rock back and forth, his main attention still being fixated on Ren. _He’s supposed to be dead! I didn’t ever want to see him again! Kriffing_ hell _why can’t one thing in my life go well?!_

Hux started to inch backwards again, memories of his times with Ren invading his mind. The many times he’d been bruised and bloodied by his fist, force, and boot, the humiliation and envy he experienced every day, and the dreaded thought of what he’d do to him circled him. Would he be surprised? Angry? Disappointed? Emotionless? Hux had no way of knowing. No way at all, and that frightened him almost as much as Ren’s face did. 

“Finn! Poe!” Rey called from her ship, joy extremely evident in her tone. The two men ran to her and added her to their embrace, Finn wrapping his arms around both of them like they’d float away any moment. “Oh, I’m so glad neither of you are hurt!”

“We should be glad _you’re_ not hurt! You took on Palpatine nearly all by yourself!” Poe laughed. 

The three of them held each other tighter, none of them wanting to end the hug. Hux stayed where he was, standing awkwardly in the middle of the rambunctious crowd with no purpose. He very cautiously watched Ren hop out of the X-Wing, his tangled black hair bouncing with him. Maker, he was beautiful without his ridiculous helmet. Ren then turned around and reached for something inside the ship, adding to Hux’s wariness. 

“Hey, Hux,” Poe whispered. “I think you’re gonna like the surprise.”

“No one ‘likes’ surprises,” he replied quietly.

Poe grinned and nodded over to Ren. “Go say hi. Trust me, bud.”

Hux was about to retort when Poe grabbed his arm and shoved him forwards. He stumbled and nearly tripped on an exposed tree root, but regained his balance and glared back. Poe only nodded towards Ren and then went back to complimenting and congratulating Finn and Rey. It was like holding them close was the one thing that mattered in life. 

For Hux, the one thing that mattered was the adrenaline pumping through his veins. He swallowed his breath, forced a calm expression on his face- or as calm as he could reasonably get it- and faced Ren, a few meters away from him.

Ren immediately noticed his presence and froze on the spot, still half turned around. The two men locked eyes, both unsure of what to say or do. It was, needless to say, the awkwardest and most uncomfortable moment in both of their lives. Hux held his breath while Ren slowly turned fully around, the surprise Poe told him about in his arms.

It was fluffy, orange, had cute pink toe beans, and was exceptionally cute. 

_... Holy shit._

“Millicent!” Hux shouted, his voice made up entirely of joyful surprise. He ran up to Ren, his previous fear gone out the window, and snatched her from his arms. “Get the hell away from my cat, Ren! What are you even doing here? Alive?!”

“You’re also alive…” Kylo muttered lowly. 

“That I am.”

“Pryde told me he shot you. He- he said you were the spy so he disposed of you. I can’t believe you’re actually…” 

Hux ignored Ren and started coddling Millicent, babying her and hugging her close to him. She started to purr and curl up in his arms, much to the delight of Hux. Holding her familiar little kitty cat face again was the best thing that happened to him all day. And a whole lot had happened to him in this particular span of twenty-four standard hours. 

“I thought I’d never see you again, Millie,” he cooed. He kissed her forehead before a sudden question came to him, and he went back to being serious and cautious. “Why did you have her with you?”

“I... Well, I went to your quarters to find her before the fighting started. By then, I’d gotten the message from General Pryde that you were “disposed of”, and I guess... it helped me come to my senses,” Kylo explained. 

“... Come to your senses, how?”

“Like you did. Exactly like you did! I left the First Order to help the Resistance after I realized my mistakes. And since at that point I thought you were dead- which I can see you’re not- I decided to take your cat with me.”

“Why?” Hux spat, subconsciously pulling Millicent closer to him. 

“... To remember you by, I think.”

“You think? Kriffing hell, Ren. I’d almost think you thought of me more than a personal stress toy.”

“I never-”

“Look,” Hux snapped, cutting Ren off, “I thought I was finally free of you. I’d never have to deal with the stress of seeing you ever again, but yet here you are, alive and almost well. Why? Did you miss abusing me that much? Miss seeing the fear on my face?”

“Hux-”

“I’ll kill you myself if you ever dare to touch me again. Do you understand?”

Hux scowled and left without waiting for a response. Ren called after him, but Hux didn’t pay him any attention. He hugged Millicent’s small body to his chest and went back to being lost in the crowd. _How long will they be celebrating like this? Not much longer, right? Kriff, they just destroyed the First Order, they’re going to be partying for weeks,_ Hux thought. He groaned and looked for the only familiar face in the crowd he wanted to see, getting as far away from the X-Wing as he could. 

Poe and his custom BB unit were going around congratulating everyone they saw, not a care in the world. Hux sauntered over to him, his heartbeat quickening. He reached out with one arm and grabbed the Resistance pilot’s arm, tugging it like a child. Poe turned around and smiled wider when he saw Hux. 

“Where’d you get this baby?” he asked, scritching behind Millicent’s ears. 

“I’d like to ask for you to house Ren as far away from me as possible. I can’t ever see him again,” Hux said, ignoring the question. 

“I thought you’d be like that. Look, Armie, I’m not exactly thrilled to have Ben here either, but I trust Rey. She wouldn’t have brought him here if he was still on the dark side. She- she even said he saved her life!”

Hux pulled back from Poe and darted his eyes back and forth. “I can’t see him,” he repeated, quieter this time, more vulnerability seeping out of him. “I thought I would finally be safe if he was dead. Having him near me is just going to mess everything up again.”

“He’s coming here right now; Rey too,” Poe warned, pointing behind Hux. 

Sure enough, Hux started to hear Ren’s shouts break through the noise. He stiffened and stood still, not daring to turn around lest he wanted to lose all his sanity. _Oh, damnit Ren, why couldn’t you just stay dead? I’m getting all these emotions again because of you!_ Hux bitterly thought, hoping Ren was listening. He wasn’t. 

“Hux!” Ren called again. “Hux, we need to talk.”

“About what?” Hux hissed. 

“About… about everything.”

“I said I don’t want to talk to you, Ren,” Hux threatened, still facing away from him. 

“It’s actually uh- never mind. Look, Rey said she’ll be a mediator for us. We can have a nice chat about how we’re both still alive and then-”

“For fucks sake, Ren, can’t you read a signal?! I’m not going to open back all my emotions for you just so you can feel better about yourself. We’re both prisoners for life with no place to go, alright? Accept that and leave me alone.”

Ben froze and looked back to Rey. She looked at him with just as much cluelessness. Poe inched over to her and tapped her arm. 

“This isn’t working,” he whispered. 

“Yeah, duh. I was hoping this would go a lot smoother ever since Ben saved me, but I guess that's just wishful thinking,” she whisper-shouted back. 

“I’ve got an idea.”

“That’s rarely good.”

“Trust me, it’ll be fine,” Poe said, before raising his voice. “Hey, Armie!”

Hux looked expectantly at him. “Are you going to take me away from here now?”

“Nope, sorry. I just wanted to thank you, really. I haven’t got the chance to yet, and you really deserve it.”

“Thank... _me_?” Hux asked, confused.

“Without your help with the codes warning us of Palpatine’s fleet, we would’ve never won. It’s pretty much all thanks to you that we even _knew_ of the Final Order fleet to be honest. You’re a hero, and I’m thankful for you.”

Hux took in the genuine praise awkwardly and ducked his head down, unsure of how to react. “It was just out of my petty hatred for Ren.”

“But still! Oh- oh hell, wait right here! I just remembered something!” Poe yelled before running into the crowd towards the Millennium Falcon. 

Hux watched him run away. From below him, Millicent meowed and wiggled her way out of his arms, hopping onto the earthy ground. He let her after a moments hesitation. If she got lost in the crowd, he was sure a kind-hearted Resistance member would scoop her up and watch her. Everyone loved cats after all!

Millicent didn’t wander off into the arms of a stranger though, and instead went to rub up against Ben’s legs. He looked down nervously at the cat and nudged her away with his boots, eyeing Hux helplessly. Hux shot Ben a warning look and took a small step in the opposite direction out of habit. He knew somewhat that his former tormenter wouldn’t hurt him now, but he could never be certain. This “good boy” act could all be an elaborate ruse to kill him.

Sensing that she wouldn’t get any pets from Ben, Millicent went to the next nearest person and meowed up to them. Rey, said next nearest person, happily picked her up and coddled her. _Well, I suppose she’s better than Kylo. Anyone is, really._

“Hux! Hux! Hey, Armitage!” Poe shouted, running to the group of cat lovers. “Want a second surprise?”

“Third,” Hux corrected. “Ren makes one, and Millicent makes two.”

“Right. Well, want a third surprise? You’ll love this one, I pinky promise.”

“I don’t have the choice to say no, so fine. Show it to me if you must, just get me away from here.”

“Ta-da!” Poe cheered as he pulled out a familiar black coat from behind his back. 

He handed the coat over to Hux and stepped back, watching and waiting eagerly for a reaction. Hux looked at him with confusion apparent on his face before he realized just what he’d been given. 

It was his greatcoat. 

In the same perfect condition and fold as when he’d left it. Hux opened it up and flipped it over, noticing one detail that wasn’t there a few hours ago. _What?_

“I hope you don’t mind too much, but I did a little alteration to the sleeves.”

“I can see that.”

“Is it okay?”

Hux looked over the left sleeve. Where the First Order insignia would usually be, was now a Resistance symbol. The patch had been sewn on top of the old one so delicately that you could barely tell it was a cover up job. Hux rubbed his finger over it in astonishment. He even felt his eyes begin to water, but he stopped the happy tears before they came. 

“You can wear it around camp now,” Poe explained. “I saw how much it meant to you, so I… I hope you don’t hate it. 

“No, this is- it’s… thank you, Poe,” Hux mumbled. 

Poe’s eyes lit up. He rubbed the back of his neck with his palm and grinned at Hux. Hux, distracted by the joy of having his greatcoat back in his possession, didn’t see him coming closer. It wasn’t until Poe’s arms were wrapped around him that he realized he was being hugged. 

Hugged.

Hux stood there, not sure what to do. No doubt Ren was judging him, Rey and Millicent too. He held his greatcoat stupidly in his hands and bit his cheek.

“Come on, _Hugs,_ ” Poe teased. “I want more than just a verbal thank you in return. Do you know how long that took me to do on the way back?” 

“Shut up, scum,” Hux muttered with embarrassment, begrudgingly hugging Poe back and giving him a pat on the back.

Poe flashed Rey and Ben a successful grin paired with a thumbs up. Unbenounced to Hux, Ben was watching him with a look of remorse. He fidgeted his fingers and leaned against Rey, and she let him. She was his anchor now, and he was grateful for her presence.

Later, despite Hux’s arguing, the two men were put in a holding cell together while the Resistance tried to figure out what to do with them. Ben still thought they needed to have a long talk, but he’d have to convince Hux it was a good idea beforehand. 

_This is going to be hard_

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m like super proud of this chapter so!!! Yeah!!
> 
> Also, according to my outline, there’s only two more chapters left to write before this story is complete, and then possibly an epilogue.
> 
> Edit: epilogue didn’t happen :/


	22. Chapter Twenty-Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for this taking longer than usual! Online school sucks and I wanted to make sure this chapter was heartfelt and reflected how I feel about these characters I love so much. 
> 
> Except Ben. I only liked him for ten minutes and that’s not counting when he kissed Rey. FinnRey and RoseRey are the only Rey ships that are valid 😤😤

Hux was- obviously- extremely uncomfortable in his current situation. 

He was being kept trapped in a small holding cell with his one living enemy in life; who in their right mind _wouldn’t_ be scared? That, paired with the fact that Ben was acting innocent in a plain to see ruse was setting off all the red flags in Hux’s brain. The only solace he had right now was the company of Millicent, his most beloved in the world, currently dozing in his lap while he sat hunched over on his cot. Ben didn’t have one, so it gave Hux hope that he wasn’t staying the night. 

To Ben, the silence between them was absolutely deafening. He stayed to himself on his side of the cell, knowing that Hux would sick Millicent and her razor sharp claws on him if he came too close. He didn’t regret going back for the cat though, at least not when he thought Hux was dead. Now, having the cat here just made it harder to communicate. Hux was distracting himself with her, ignoring Ben. 

Ben thought back on his actions in the last few months, particularly to the ones he did to Hux. The force choking, the belittlement, the hands on abuse; all of it. And when he looked back on them, he felt uncomfortable knowing he didn’t hate doing them. He may have even taken pleasure from it, seeing his rival beaten and broken below him in submission. He was sure Hux would feel the same way if he was in power, but it still made him feel repulsed at himself. 

Ben suppressed a shudder and glanced over to where Hux was sitting, who still ignoring him in favour of Millicent. Nothing was going to happen if he didn’t start a conversation. Maker knows Hux wasn’t going to, so the responsibility fell onto Ben. _Why did Rey have to get pulled away?_ he thought in defeat, twitching his fingers.

“Hux-”

“What do you want?” Hux snapped immediately, as if he was waiting in anticipation for Ben to open his idiotic mouth. 

“To talk,” he replied truthfully. 

“Talk about what? What you did to me? You want to talk about that now?”

“Yes, I do.”

“I’d rather not,” Hux replied with venom lacing his otherwise quiet tone. He gave Millicent another scratch behind her ears and held her close to his chest, lifting his legs onto his cot. 

“Hux, we have to.”

“I don’t recall ever having done so before. Why start now? I’m willing to accept what you did to me as long as I never have to see you again, alright, Ren?”

“It’s Ben.”

Hux paused. _Ben? With a ‘B’? What the hell is he on about now; changing his name back like that?_ He directed his puzzled gaze at Ben and smirked. 

“What do you mean?” he asked. 

“Kylo Ren is dead,” Ben said back, his voice strong and confident. “I killed him...”

“Really? I must be seeing ghosts then, because Kylo Ren is right in front of me, alive and well.”

“You’re not- I’m not dead. That’s just not my name anymore. It’s Ben now, Ben Solo.”

“So you’re just going to go back to your old life now? Be the prince of a dead planet who killed his father and betrayed his family? Come on now, Ren, don’t humour me,” Hux growled, a swell of pain overtaking his emotions. 

“Ben, Hux, it’s Ben. Kylo Ren is gone, but I’m not going to pretend like he never existed. I’m not _that_ stupid.”

Hux let out a dry laugh. “Well then, I suppose that I should be glad he’s dead. I never liked him in the slightest. I fucking hated him, even. Kylo Ren, what a stupid name. A stupid name for a stupid man.”

Ben laughed too, though out of awkwardness rather than a need to mock. He raised his hand to his long, greasy and matted black hair and rubbed it. Damn he needed a shower. Really, what he actually needed was a very _very_ long rest in bed. Too bad Hux was taking the only one in the room. But Ben wasn’t about to kick him off now, not when he was finally beginning to opening up.

Hux stayed silent after his backhanded joke, and Ben was left to continue the conversation once again. He didn’t mind though. 

“Hux.”

“What?”

“Why are you here?” Ben tentatively asked. “Why did you defect to the Resistance?”

“Funny, I was thinking the same thing about you. I mean, I was perfectly happy to think you were dead with everyone else.”

“Hux, answer me, please.”

“Is that an order, _Supreme Leader_ ?” Hux mused, resentment coating his voice in its thick slime. “Because I’ll be glad to tell you all the reasons I hate you if it is, but only after you tell me why _you_ left first. You at least owe that to me.”

“That’s fair, I guess,” Ben muttered, not fully agreeing with Hux’s proposition. 

Hux scooted into a more upright position and nudged Millicent off of him. She mewed and curled up on the pillow, quickly falling back asleep. _Oh to live as quietly as a cat,_ Hux wistfully thought. He sighed and stared off to the side near Ben. Ben stared back. 

“Well?”

“I had a moment of total clarity. I never… I mean I- I never was fully one with the dark side of the force, not really. I was pulled there by Snoke and Palpatine, and I let my anger at Luke Skywalker and the galaxy fuel me. For the past few months I’ve been slipping towards the light, and when I-” Ben paused and mused over his words- “... when I had my moment, I knew I was foolish. I went to Exegol to help Rey kill Palpatine and we both nearly died. But now it’s all okay, because we made it, and apparently so did you. I’m glad you’re okay.”

Ben lightly laughed and gave a small and warm smile. Hux hated that. He hated Ben, no matter what name he decided to take on. And kriff, that smile. Hux dropped his gaze to the cell bars and let his emotions run free. He glared and tensed his body. 

“Don’t play the damn pity card with me, Ren. Rest assured you won’t get a single drop from me,” he spat. 

Hux didn’t see it, but he somehow knew that Ben took great offense at that. “I’m not playing pity! I’m just stating the facts and trying to better myself!”

“Oh, how dumb can you be?!” Hux burst out, launching up and waving his arms in Ben’s general direction, his anger and hatred taking over. “‘ _We both nearly died,”_ ? _“But it’s all okay now,”_? That doesn’t just _scream_ pity to you? You can’t just undermine every shitty thing you’ve done now that you’re ‘good’. It doesn’t fucking work like that and you know it.”

“I never said it did,” Ben hushed, trying to settle the situation.

“You act like it does though. And that’s just as bad.” Hux took a deep breath and attempt to calm down. “You don’t see _me_ trying to justify blowing up an entire solar system just because I changed my ways.”

“Hux… it’s your turn to tell me why you left.”

Hux paused and held back a genuine laugh. He looked at Ben as if he were dumb- which in his own opinion, he was- and crossed his arms. It was now that he was even more thankful for the return of his greatcoat. It not only gave him a semi-pleasant memory of his old life, but it also made his figure more column-like and intimidating. Ben wasn’t intimidated though, and Hux knew that. 

“I thought it’d be obvious,” he said flatly, a frown appearing on his face. 

“I’m just making sure we’re both on the same page about it.”

“Makes sense,” Hux muttered. “If you _have_ to know, I left because of you.”

“That’s... all?”

“Do you have even the faintest idea of what I had to deal with when I was around you?” Hux began, too tired to get angry again. “The constant belittling, abuse, power imbalance, unwelcome emotions, pain, embarrassment, _humiliation_ , and so much more was just killing me. I even broke down and had temper tantrums like a damn child from the stress I endured, all because of you. You can’t ever know what it was like to suffer by your side, and you’re not allowed to deny that you enjoyed it… That, and I felt the exact same way about Pryde, especially since you gave _my_ position to him. He was the last man alive that I had to kill to find peace, and you made everything worse before I got the chance. You’re awful, you know that?”

Ben took Hux’s rant calmly, letting the words wash over him. He bit the inside of his cheek and thought back to all the time he’d been around Hux. Up until he killed Snoke- kriff, did Hux even know _he_ did that and not Rey?- the two of them had been more or less equals. Ben would always be stronger, but he knew Hux had him beat in the brains department. The ambition, conviction, perseverance, and motivation categories too, and probably some others he couldn’t think of right now. 

The point was, Hux was his equal for a long time. 

Ben knew Hux had always had more strive than him. It was one of the General’s greatest qualities; his ambition to become the Supreme Leader’s most treasured and one day take over. Maybe that was why Ben became harsher when he himself took Hux’s dream position. He upped the force choking, force slamming, physical slaps, punches, and threats, shame, and power imbalance, all just to spite Hux. They hated each other, that was a fact that might never change. But Ben wanted it too, even back then. 

He wanted to make up for what he did to Hux, though he knew it was impossible. Hux was right. He _had_ taken pleasure from his power over the other strong man, his rival and enemy. But who wouldn’t? Hux couldn’t hate him for that when he’d do the same thing to him. Hypocrisy at its finest, Ben decided. 

He twitched his fingers and mused over a heavy question, debating whether or not to ask it. In the end he did, though extremely hesitantly. It was burning inside of him and he had to get it out before he was set ablaze.”

“Hux...?” he asked slowly.

“I told you why I left already. What else do you want?”

“Do you still- uhm... _love_ me?”

Hux didn’t freeze or panic like he thought he would. Instead, he calmly ran through the past two or so months in his head, as if he was trained to do so. His attraction for Ben hadn’t diminished, that was for sure, but his hatred grew tenfold. Every time he had a pleasant thought about Ben, five more unpleasant ones would follow. He should want to kill Ben in his sleep, but he knew that he would never have the heart to. To kill the one man he’d ever truly loved would kill himself in the end as well; that he was sure of. 

He held back a sigh and swallowed. Hux hardened his scowl and put on an unbothered face, still looking away. It would be better to tell the truth than to lie to himself again, he reasoned. 

“Yes,” Hux eventually said, slowly and with the straight forwardness that he was known for. No playing around. “I do.”

“But?” Ben pried, knowing Hux was hiding behind a stone mask. 

“I’m not going to seek out a relationship with you. And I can’t _stand_ seeing you or being near you, but I still somehow love you so much that I can’t make sense of it. It’s a curse, _Ben,_ it really is.”

 _He called me Ben... So he doesn’t disrespect me in_ that _regard at least_ , Ben thought. _Though…._ “Are you saying that you wish you _weren’t_ in love with me?”

“I don’t know,” Hux replied, exasperated. “It’s complicated, and I’m not sure about anything anymore. I’m suddenly on the other side of a war I’ve been forced into since my birthright, I’m stuck with you and you’re not trying to humiliate me, and I’m locked in the mess of my emotions. Nothing makes sense anymore, except for that one fact.”

“Hux, I don’t know what goes on in your head, but you should be certain that I’m not ever going to do that to you anymore. I was stupid and angry at nothing and thought hurting others would keep me on the dark side. I know it’s not an apology, and that I can’t ever make up for it, but I’d like to try. Maybe we could even be friends one day, if you want that.”

“Wishful thinking, Ben,” Hux mumbled, feeling his eyes start to sting with tears.

While Ben tried again to apologize, Hux ignored him. It was the same old recycled crap he’d heard a million times addressed to other officers. It didn’t have any real meaning, not in his mind. Ben could try all he wanted, but he would never be trusted in his eyes.

Hux bit his tongue and went back to absentmindedly patting Millicent. She was his only friend left now. How sad was that? He hasn’t even had many before, but now that the First Order- Final Order or whatever they were calling themselves- collapsed, he had no one. Ben was a sorry excuse for a companion in these times. 

The realization that Phasma and Dopheld were most certainly dead didn’t quite hit him until now. Sure, he knew they were gone and that he’d never see them again from the moment he stepped foot in the Millenium Falcon, but knowing they were dead was different. He felt his muscles tense. 

Maybe there could have been a small, microscopic chance he could see them again, or even hear about them from word of mouth. Perhaps one day he could catch a glimpse of them or see a wanted poster with one of their faces on it on some backwater planet. At least then he could know they were still alive, even if he couldn’t meet them. 

But knowing they were dead, to be forgotten by all except him and Ben, hurt. He didn’t feel ashamed to admit he was holding back his grief, especially since he wasn’t alone. He never wanted to cry in front of another soul again. If he needed to, which he rarely did; except for that one time on Arkanis those few months ago, he made sure no one was around. 

Ben being there made it hard for him to concentrate. Hux desperately needed him gone. 

“Hux!” Ben called, breaking his train of thought. Hux took a shaky breath of shock and didn’t look Ben in the eyes. 

“The-” he painfully swallowed back his grief- “...the entirety of the First Order is dead, correct?” 

“The ships are all at Exegol, destroyed. Yes, they’re dead. Why?”

“Just making sure,” Hux said. “They’re dead…” he whispered to himself afterwards. 

“I thought you’d be glad to be rid of our pasts,” Ben awkwardly joked, sensing Hux’s unease. “Hux, we’re free. We can look forward to the future now, as long as we stay in the Resistance with Rey.”

“Why even bother calling me Hux anymore? There’s no formality here, and you don’t see me calling you ‘Solo’.”

“I just think it’s a little weird to call you Armitage now... I guess. You always shrunk away when you heard it before, like you hated it.”

“It’s fine. Neither of us don’t care.”

Ben got a sympathetic look on his face. Hux noticed it and looked away, insulted. He didn’t need pity from the likes of Ben, as much as he craved it. Kriff, he didn’t know _what_ he wanted anymore.

Hux went to give another half winded insult to Ben when he was cut off. Ben started speaking suddenly, real passion and honesty coating his tone. If Hux squinted, he could almost swear Ben’s eyes were shining wet as well.

“I’m sorry that I can’t love you back, Hux. I truly am.”

“... I thought we were done talking about my attraction.”

“We can be if you want,” Ben suggested. 

“I’d much rather leave the subject at that. I’m sure you can tell how much I hate addressing it with your force magic or what not.”

“It’ll be easier on you to get it over with.”

“Ben,” Hux warned.

“Alright. But I’m always open to talk about it.”

Hux grumbled. _What’s with the nice guy act? It’s stupid,_ he bitterly thought. _How long will he keep this up before he goes back to normal?_

“Why are you being so nice to me? We already established that we hate each other.”

“I don’t hate you-”

“Yes you do. Don’t pretend like you don’t,” Hux dryly laughed.

“I’m being nice because I feel like it’s a good starting ground to make up with you. You know we’re going to be stuck together for a while,” Ben explained. 

“And why’s that?”

“We were two very high standing First Order members. They’ll wanna know all of its secrets and keep a close eye on us. And it’s easier to watch us at the same time, I reason.”

“And I suppose your girlfriend, the Jedi girl, will be the one watching us?”

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Ben quickly replied, clearly a little embarrassed. “We’re dyads in the force.”

“Sounds like a fancy word for a couple.”

“It’s not. Besides, I can sense she’s not looking for a partner, and we’re going to be close in ways other than romantically. Uhm... and I think she’s more interested in the stormtrooper than me.”

“So you want to be ‘best friends’? Is that what the Supreme Leader is left to hope for?”

“I’m not the-”

“Calm down, bantha-brain. It’s a joke.”

Ben seemed a little offended. Good. Hux liked it. He grinned secretly to himself and fiddled with the cuffs of his greatcoat. 

“Finn and Rey are coming,” Ben said out of the blue. 

“You use your force magic to sense that?”

“I guess I did.” Ben stood up to dust his sweatshirt off. As he did, he caught eye of Hux instinctively flinching away and raising his hands to his throat. Ben paused. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Hux spat, still keeping his arms raised in a defensive position. “It’s just a natural reaction is all. I’ll get over it soon enough.”

“... Is it because of me?”

“Of course it’s because of you. Before, I didn’t have to protect my throat as much as my face, so you get points for that, if you care.”

“I’m sor-”

“I’d rather not hear it.”

Hux slowly lowered his arms but kept them at the ready, tensed up by his side. Ben stayed standing awkwardly until he heard the sound of the door opening. He smiled softly at Rey, and she smiled back. Finn secretly rolled his eyes. 

“We’re taking you for some questioning, Ben,” Rey said, a warm tone lacing her voice like honey. “Hux, you’re to stay here for your turn.”

“Fine by me, but could you at least make it so he’s not in the same cell as me? I think he’s scared of me.”

“No one is,” Finn joked. Hux ignored him. 

Ben stepped out of the cell and held his arms out for cuffs. Finn placed them on and together, he and Rey led Ben out of the small building, leaving Hux alone once again. 

But that was okay with him. In fact, it was more than okay. It was a pleasure. Ben wasn’t around, and hopefully he wouldn’t come back; emphasis on the hopefully. 

It made sense that the Resistance would want to keep them together so it’d be easier to watch them. But on the other hand, they could scheme up plans and revive the First Order if they really wanted to. Luckily, neither of them ever wanted to think of that place again. 

Though, now that the subject of the First Order was in his mind, Hux was forced to think of Phasma and Dopheld again. _Makerdamnit,_ he cursed while looking around his cell and the building. No one except him and Millicent were around. Good. Hux could finally let himself openly grieve in silence. 

He took off his greatcoat and held it out in front of him, remembering the few good memories that were tied to it. Phasma had been with him when he was promoted to General and got his coat. She had congratulated him and they held a small party in her quarters with a nervous Dopheld and their cats. It’d been a wonderful night, and Hux felt pained at remembering it in this light. 

His greatcoat had been lent to Dopheld not that long ago on their way to Arkanis. The terrible day he’d cemented his fate as a traitorous spy. He longed for the peaceful feeling that washed over him back then when he’d seen Dopheld fast asleep using his greatcoat as a blanket. It was a soft and tender moment, the kind not experienced often between two officers, and especially not ones of the galactic regime. So Hux held onto the pleasant memories between him and his two friends, not daring to forget them. 

It was then that he felt his chest heave and water trickle down his face. He wiped the tears away with his wrist in a vain attempt to stop them. It didn’t work, and he gave up after a while, instead opting to hold the blanket of the cot near his face. Hux didn’t care that he was crying. He was alone and had a reason to. He had so many reasons to. 

It was all awfully unfair. 

Another sob raked his body and he dug the palms of his hands into his eyes. Hux bit his tongue and tried to ground himself. He reached out for Millicent and gently patted her, attempting to calm himself down. He felt incredibly conflicted once more and looked out the window of his cell. 

They were still celebrating; partying up a storm, not caring how many thousands of lives they destroyed. Hux wasn’t one to talk though. He’d blown up an entire solar system and killed countless others when he was in command. He didn’t deserve pity or a redemption arc and yet he was receiving both. It didn’t make any sense. 

Hux sniffled and wiped his eyes, finally forcing himself to stop crying. He looked over to Millicent, still petting her, and smiled. 

“I hope you two are okay, wherever you are,” he muttered to himself. Hux had never been a man to believe in any kind of afterlife, but he’d be lying if he said it wasn’t comforting to think there was one. “You better have put up a fight, Phas. And Dopheld… you should never have been born into this madness. I’ll miss you both.”

Hux smiled sadly and felt his tears come back. “I hope you didn’t suffer,” he choked out. “Don’t forget about me before I meet you two again.”

And with that, Hux collapsed onto his bed and dug his face into the cot. He was ashamed of himself. He was angry and conflicted with Ben. He wanted to know how his friends died. 

He just wanted to go back to normal. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me? Having trouble humanizing Ben because I don’t like him? It’s more likely than you think. 
> 
> Also me? Making Hux’s greatcoat super significant to him for literally no reason other than for angst? Yeah, that’s really sexy and cool of me.


	23. Chapter Twenty-Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Won’t even come up with excuses for why this took over a month 😔✌️
> 
> BUT THE FINAL CHAPTER IS HERE!!

Hux complied very well with all his interrogations on the First Order; now fallen. He had no reason to hide any information now. During them, he was finally told the details of the fight and a firsthand explanation of how everything went down, scene for scene. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t silently judging all the stupid mistakes that occurred. _Of course Pryde’s terrible leadership and planning caused the downfall of the Order,_ Hux cockily thought. _He was old and senile, a relic of the Empire meant to be forgotten._

Needless to say, Poe was happy that Hux was cooperative for once. The multiple meetings went smoother than he’d ever expected, though he didn’t have high hopes originally. He even let Hux ask about BB-8 a little bit after the last interrogation was over. It was a unique little droid, to say the least, and Hux always had a small fascination for them. Droids were built perfect and well with no flaws, and so, Hux admired them in a sense. 

Hux presumed that once everything settled down, Poe would become one of the leaders of the Resistance, if it even existed anymore. The First Order was gone, so what would be the point of its opposer still hanging around? Maintaining peace, perhaps. And there would always be Empire sympathisers no matter _what_ was done. 

He didn’t dwell on that thought long though. It made him uncomfortable to say the least, considering he was an unofficial Resistance member now. A Resistance member doomed to an eternity of community service, apologies, and assassination attempts, but a member nonetheless. He could finally accept that as a fact. Almost. 

Something inside him knew he might never be able to fully call himself a Rebel. 

Hux sighed as he stretched and put on his porg-fur lined boots. His sleeping quarters had since been moved from the holding cell to a small tent with other Resistance members. _Important_ Resistance members like Rey and Finn, no doubt to keep an eye on him and Ben. A good call, he thought, minus the part about him still needing to be around Ben. 

It’d been a solid week since the Final Order fell now. Planets around the world were still celebrating, showing no signs of stopping anytime soon. Here, the party died down two days ago. Not because the excitement was over, but because of all the relief and humanitarian missions they had to go on. Even with the Order gone, there were still it’s remnants to destroy and colonies to free. 

That’s where Hux was going now. His first mission as a Resistance member was to accompany Rey and Ben to a remote and desert ridden planet in the outer rim. Of course he’d have to go with Ben. _Of course._

Hux angrily finished putting his boots on and went to button up his shirt. He was slowly getting used to the new fashion statements he had to pull off, but still believed nothing beat his greatcoat. Though, since they were going to a desert planet, it would no doubt be boiling, so Hux opted to tie the sleeves of it around his waist instead of wearing it. A smart way to keep it with him, he thought. 

“Armitage!” called Poe’s singsong voice. Hux grumbled. Lately, Poe had gotten into the habit of calling Hux by his first name, no nicknames included, and it’d caught on with the rest of the camp. _Everyone_ called him Armitage now, and he resented it. “You ready? Rey’s waiting.”

“I’m coming, so shut your fodder trap!”

“You wound me, Armitage,” Poe said, clutching his chest dramatically as Hux strutted up to him. He smiled jokingly even while Hux scowled. 

“Go kiss a Rathtar.”

“I’d rather kiss you,” Poe teased. 

“I’d sooner stab myself. Where’s she waiting?”

“By the Falcon. I think Ben’s already with her.”

Hux muttered a half hearted “thank you” and left without a word. Millicent would be taken care of by the entire camp in his absence. They’d all grown quite fond of her presence, and she’d gotten more pets and belly rubs than she’d ever had in her entire life. She was also getting a little tubby, not to shame. She was just being overstuffed with treats from kind hearts and hands. 

Hux lifted his hand over his eyes to shield them from the bright sun. He squinted and looked around. At the sight of him, many people shied away, and Hux didn’t blame them. He honestly enjoyed it, the thrill of still being at least slightly intimidating. Shaking out his bunches up sleeves, Hux located his ride and started to make his way towards it, trying his best not to trip on the multitude of stray roots littering the ground. 

He dodged between groups of people and crates, spun a couple times, and silently cursed the chaos in the camp. Would it really kill them to be a _little_ more organized? Something even slightly akin to what he was used to would be unmeasurably appreciated. _Maybe that’s how to First Order got its name,_ he mused. _For its “order”._

Hux eventually made it to the ship and caught his two companions in the middle of a conversation. _It must be absolutely_ riveting, _knowing how exuberant Ben is._ He cleared his throat and waited for them to acknowledge him. 

“Ready to go?” Rey asked. 

“Do I need to bring anything?”

“We’ve got it all packed already, and it’s not gonna be a long trip either.”

“Then I’m ready,” Hux replied. 

“Good. Ben,” Rey said, directing her attention to him, “you’re going to fly as my copilot.”

“I am?” Ben asked, a slight tone of excitement making its way into his voice. 

“Yeah, you’re a great pilot. You’ve chased me enough times for me to know that.”

“Oh, thank you, Rey,” Ben flushed. Before Rey could reply, Hux butted in, not being able to take another second of this awkwardness. He'd rather die. 

“Shouldn’t we get going?” he suggested monotonously. “And what will _I_ be doing?”

“Right, let's get a move on. And uhm, Armitage, you can sit backseat in the cockpit with us if you like.”

“Fine with me.”

Rey twisted her finger around her loose hair strands and walked up the ramp to the ship. Ben and Hux followed after her respectively, keeping a decent distance between each other. The ship was just as dingy and grungy as when Hux had last been on it, that sure hasn’t changed, and he wished once again for more order here. Please, just a little competency for Maker’s sake. 

He ran his hand along the walls of the ship absentmindedly and watched Ben ahead of him. Their interactions had been plentiful in the past week, something Hux both despised and loved. His feelings would never go away for Ben, he knew that, and being around him was only amplifying them. His long black hair, his facial scar, his tall body, his new demeanour; all things Hux admired in him. 

Shaking his head slightly, Hux stuffed his hands in his pockets and sat in his seat. It was comfortable enough, and he quickly got situated. The others took a while longer to get ready and take off, but soon enough they were floating into the sky and exiting the atmosphere. Hux let himself take a curious peek out the front window to see the planet he’d called home for a week. 

On his first trip here he hadn’t been able to see much of the atmosphere, only the surrounding forest of the camp. Now he saw the entire planet was like that. One large rainforest, dotted with chasms, rivers, and small mountains. _Boring,_ Hux thought, looking back to the blinking buttons and dials to distract himself. He was never good with ship rides when he had nothing to do; no men to command and reign over. 

It wasn’t a long trip though, thankfully, and he only had to endure a little of Ben’s awkwardness. That man's personality had done the most drastic 180 Hux had ever seen, and he was still uncomfortable about it. Every few moments he’d cautiously glance over at Ben, still in the habit of doing so. He kept telling himself that Ben was different now; kinder and softer, but old habits die hard. 

Hyperfuel really _was_ one of the most valuable materials in the galaxy. 

Thanks to it, they made it to the desert planet in record time, twenty and a half minutes. Throughout all of it, Hux sat silent as Ben and Rey talked idly with each other, an obvious friendship blooming strong between them. Even when he had Phasma and Dopheld, he never opened up to them so quickly. Why could Ben do it? Ah, right. They were _“dyads in the force”,_ whatever the hell that even meant.

“We’re here,” Rey said, flipping some switches on the roof while cautiously landing the ship. 

“I forgot to ask earlier, but where are we?” Hux asked, speaking lowly. 

“Tatooine. I have some important business here.”

“Am I allowed to know what exactly it is?”

“If you want,” Rey replied, a little cheekily, causing Hux to hold back a small laugh. 

“I want,” he said back, a little stupidly. 

“Ben, tell it to him while I go get my stuff, please?”

Ben nodded to her and watched her exit the cockpit, leaving him alone yet again with Hux. He turned to the ginger man and stood up, stretching his back. Hux eyed him neutrally, staying in his seat. It was comfy. The only thing that wasn’t shitty about this ship was the seats, and that was only because he was comparing them to the rock hard First Order “cushions”. 

“Well?”

“We’re on Tatooine. It’s the planet that my grandfather was born on and Luke Skywalker lived,” Ben explained. “Rey’s here to return something to its proper home, I think.”

“Way to be cryptic.”

Ben huffed and gave Hux a small glare. “I’m only telling you what she told _me._ ”

“Calm down,” Hux spat, flinching. 

He stood up and tightened his greatcoat around his waist, then left Ben behind. It only took a small amount of time for Ben to follow after him, apologizing for nothing that mattered. Luckily, before Ben got the chance to catch up, Rey came back. Hux silently thanked her. 

In her hands was a cloth bundle with two cylinder shapes wrapped inside. It sparked Hux’s curiosity, but not enough for him to outright ask what it was. He took a small step to the side and leaned against the table. 

“Ben,” she asked, “are you coming with me?”

Ben paused and thought over his answer before responding confidently. “Thank you, Rey, but I think I’ll stay here, with Hux.”

“Armitage?” she said. 

“I hate the heat, and it’s no doubt boiling out there, so I think I’ll stay here as well. Besides, I don’t even care about the significance of this wasteland of a planet.”

“Keep an eye on him,” Rey joked, smiling at Ben. “I’ll be back soon.”

“Not soon enough,” Ben quipped, awkward and doting as ever. Maker, he was stupid. 

Rey didn’t laugh, but she did playfully punch Ben’s side before leaving. Hux caught eye of a small smile spreading across Ben’s face and he subsequently went squeamish. It still felt wrong to see any expression other than neutrality, anger, or sick pleasure on Ben. Though, Hux supposed he too was also changing drastically in Ben’s mind, so he couldn’t criticize even if he wanted to.

Ben waved Rey off and turned to Hux, but he was already sitting at the seat around the table, bored and hot. Really, why did deserts even have to exist? _Ben must be using some kind of force power to cool himself down. There’s no kriffing way he’s dressed in a black long sleeve and_ not _sweating his ass off. At least he’s wearing normal pants._

“Hey,” Ben said. 

“Hey,” Hux said back robotically. 

“We haven’t had much time to talk just the two of us since that first night I got here…. And uhm… I was just wondering if there was anything else you wanted to talk about. Especially since you shut down the topic of your attraction last time.”

Hux fidgeted and looked Ben in the eyes. “We already dealt with it. There’s the obvious fact that I like you, and the obvious fact that you can’t like me back. What more is there to discuss?”

“You want to keep talking about it,” Ben said, sitting opposite to Hux in the booth. 

“How can you tell? Force magic?”

“Force magic,” Ben confirmed, a small smile on his face. “It’s a nice tool to have.”

“I wouldn’t doubt it.”

Hux rested his cheek in his palm and looked to the seat beside him. He contemplated talking to Ben. Sure, it would be good to finally get his true emotions out there, but on the other hand, how would Ben react? Mostly, Hux was anxious about how Ben would react regarding why he _couldn’t_ love him back. _The whole,_ gender _thing and all,_ he thought. 

He looked back at Ben and used his free hand to dig his nails into his thigh. “You got to live such a blessed life, you know that, don’t you?”

“Blessed?”

“A loving mother and father who you knew and were close to, the privilege of being a prince, having the force at your side, and you never worked a day in your childhood life. I know you didn’t.”

“That’s true… but why do you bring it up?” Ben asked, confused.

“To make a point. You’ve never had to worry about your future or how others would treat you, unlike me. So you can’t expect me to be as open about things as you are,” Hux explained, trailing off. 

Ben rubbed his neck at the following silence and sighed. “Did you know I actually wanted to be a pilot as a child?” he said suddenly. 

“What?”

“A pilot. Exactly like my father. Everytime he took me on trips in this ship my eyes were open the entire time in awe. I soaked it all in and decided I wanted to be just as cool as him some day. Ha… I guess it was a pipe dream though. I was destined to become a Jedi like my mother and uncle, and I’m not comparing that to your struggles. I just… I think ships are really interesting, you know?”

“I always prefered my feet on unmoving ground, personally.”

“What did you want to become as a child? A General, or something else?”

Hux contemplated. 

As a child, he didn’t have a defined future. It wasn’t until Rae Sloane found him and made his father apprentice him that he had any destiny. A First Order commander, yes… he supposed that was his dream occupation as a young child. Was there any other option though? He’d always been too scrawny for the Stormtrooper program, and he didn’t feel like dying young anyways, so that was out of the question. Maybe he could have become a mechanic. Droids were interesting and all, weren’t they?

He knew his answer for Ben though. He knew the second that he’d finished his question. Hux bit his lip and straightened his back. If he was going to tell him, he may as well be presentable. 

“Well, I wanted the title of Allegiant General or Supreme Leader for a long time. But those were too far fetched, especially with contenders like _you_ in the ring,” Hux said. He paused for a dry, depressed laugh and continued. “I guess what I _really_ wanted to be as a child was a man.”

“Like… you wanted to grow up faster?” Ben asked, getting anxious. Hux side eyed him and grew a little more defensive. 

“Well, didn’t everyone? But that’s not what I mean.”

“Then, what _do_ you mean? You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

“You’ve stuck with your nice guy act long enough for me to believe it, and you should know I would never tell you this before today out of fear. I still don’t trust you, but we should be honest with each other if we’re going to be partners. So…” Hux grimaced and took a breath, dreading the next words he’d have to say. “By wanting to be a man, I meant I was born as a… woman. A girl.” He had to force the words out. Even thinking he was once accepted as anything other than a man sickened him. 

“Hux-”

“But I’m a man now, and I’ve always been,” Hux said, cutting Ben off. “I’m just as much of a man as you are, more so even. And now that I’ve told you I’m what most people would call ‘transgender’, I don’t want you to ever bring it up again, alright? And if you even _think_ of using it as blackmail I’ll fucking kill you. Don’t think I’m above that.”

Ben listened to Hux and felt his mind swirl with thoughts. Thoughts of each and every kind. Eventually, when Hux quieted down and collected himself, he felt it was okay to speak his mind. His opinion on the matter per say. Though, Hux may burst out again, so he treaded carefully.

“I already knew, Armitage,” he said hesitantly. 

Hux paused. _What?_ “No you didn’t.”

“I did. I knew from the moment I was acquainted with you in the Order. I knew, but I didn’t want to impose on you or bring it up, since I thought if you kept it a secret, you wouldn’t want to know I knew.”

“How the hell did you know?” Hux burst. “I never told anyone! Why didn’t you bring it up whenever you tried to break me? It would have done such a good job, wouldn’t it? If you told me my little secret any of the times you fought with me, you may have ‘won’, don’t you think so? We’re you _that_ stupid?!”

“Hux, stop it. You didn’t need to tell me, but I’m glad you felt comfortable doing so now, and if you’d like to know, I found out because of the force. It moves differently around people, and I’d never seen it act the way it did before I met you. It was telling me you were a… the opposite sex, when you were obviously a man. I eventually came to the conclusion that you were uhm, the way that you were after thinking about it for a while.”

“I hate you,” Hux simply muttered, staring at his clenched fists on the table.

“I know.”

“You never even _hinted_ that you knew. Why? Barely anyone in the Order even had the faintest clue, and you just came in and figured it out in a week?”

“I didn’t mean to. It just happened.”

Ben gave him a sincere glance and Hux looked away in shame. He seethed on the inside and pulled his shirt away from his chest absentmindedly. _He knew all this time and never told me. That’s not fair._ Nothing _about Ben is fair!_ he thought angrily. He glared at Ben, something he was all too used to doing. 

“So why did you never tell me you knew, Ben?” he asked. 

“You were a strong leader and not one to take humiliation lightly. I thought if I respected you in that sense that you’d be easier to… _deal_ with.”

“Respected? Deal with? Are you mental, Ben? You could abuse me all you want, shame and reprimand me, but telling me you knew my secret was too much?”

“Yes,” Ben muttered, his eyes darting downwards. 

Hux paused and swallowed his breath. He was still getting used to this new Ben. The one who was more submissive, meek, and- most strangely- _kind._ It didn’t feel wrong anymore, but it did make him uncomfortable. He even had to consider whether or not he liked _this_ Ben more than the one who he grew to love in the first place. They were entirely two different men at this point.

 _Has Ben really been like this the whole time? A sad man who cowers away at my tongue?_ Hux sighed to himself. Ben looked back up but didn’t say anything. 

“Did you see me any different when you found out?” Hux asked quietly. 

“I did. But eventually I realized that it was just who you were. And I felt almost special being the only one who knew, like I had a great secret to uphold. Ha, that’s stupid, isn’t it?”

“Phasmaknew. Pryde, Sloane, and my parents too. But they’re all dead now, and the only one who knows is you. So I guess you can feel special if you’d like, since you’re the only living person.”

“I won’t tell anyone else since you don’t want me to. But, I don’t see how it’s such a big deal,” Ben said. “People are very accepting in the Resistance. I’m sure you could tell Rey and Poe without them changing their opinions on you.”

“I could, but I don’t want to. I only told _you_ because I had that weight on me for such a long time, and it’s better now that it's gone. Just because I _can_ doesn’t mean I want to. And, I guess when we’re on this terrible topic, I’m bisexual as well, since I’m attracted to you. But that’s less important.”

“Are you still?” Ben asked, a small smile spreading on his face. 

Hux held eye contact and remained calm as he spoke. “I do, and maybe even more so now, but I’m not sure. The only reason I like you is because of your power and looks, I think. I admired you so much that it slowly- or really, more accurately, _quickly-_ snowballed into attraction. I envy you, Ben. I wish I could have been born like you were.”

Ben frowned. He took in Hux’s words and made the decision to scoot over across the seat to sit next to him. Hux looked over at him but didn’t move. Reading his emotions with the force, Ben could tell Hux was actually hoping for him to come closer. He took in a breath and twiddled his thumbs. 

Just as he was about to open his mouth and console Hux, he got interrupted by a snappy voice. 

“Did you know I liked you, too? Before I told you, I mean,” Hux asked, very obviously embarrassed by his curiosity on the topic.

“I never- I didn’t pry into your mind unless we fought. I’m sure I knew it deep down, just like you did, but I never fully understood your feelings until you told me,” Ben said. “I never had someone like me like that before.”

“Not surprising.”

Ben ignored the comment and continued. “What’s it _like_ to be the way you are, if you don't mind telling me?”

“It's complicated. At this point, it’s fine. I’m as close to a man as I can be, and I’m happy with that. But as a young commander and child, it was hell. So, it’s just who I am, even if I wish I could be a man like you are.”

“But then you wouldn’t have half the ambition and drive you do now! You overcame the hardships in your life and that made you stronger. You’ve got to be one of the strongest men I’ve ever met, Hux.”

Hux contemplated what Ben said and looked up to him. “That’s what you think?”

“Of course.”

“I suppose that makes sense. Those who grow up in a perfect environment are never strong willed. They crumble under the weakest of pressures like wet paper towel,” Hux spat, leaning forwards on the table. 

“If it’s of any value to you, I’m going to try and better myself from now on. I’ve been trying to already, but it’s hard to redeem someone like me; someone like you. I don’t think we’ll ever be fully forgiven for what we’ve done, but we can try, right? I mean, Rey’s helping us afterall,” Ben said happily. Hux fought back an amused and fond grin. 

“Right. We’re two First Order tyrants who are prisoners for life stuck in an endless loop of bettering ourselves. How pitiful we’ve become, you especially.”

Ben smiled and awkwardly pat Hux on the back a few times. Hux tensed but eased up quickly, still cautious around Ben’s physical touch. Painful memories couldn’t be forgotten so easily. Ben seemed to realize this too and pulled away. A silence enveloped the two of them 

Ben stuffed his hands into his pockets to alleviate the awkwardness. Inside them, he felt a familiar pair of golden dice. Han Solo’s dice. He looked past Hux to the tunnel that led to the cockpit and then back at his pocket. _They should go where they belong now… I can’t do much to repay my father now, but this might help a bit._

“Hux,” Ben said, “I’m going to the cockpit.”

“Why?”

“I need to return something there. Do you want to come with me?” 

“Do you need me there?”

“No, but…”

“Fine,” Hux snapped, getting up from his seat and tightening his Greatcoat around his waist. “Let’s go then.”

Ben smiled and got up. He led Hux to the front of the ship and took in the Falcon as he usually did. So many childhood memories were made here, as was his dream of being a pilot. Maybe he could still fulfill that dream now. It would sure be nice to be able to fly the galaxy again, though this time with Resistance guards no doubt. 

Hux leaned against the entrance to the cockpit and looked at the desert outside. It was barren and dry, too bright for his eyes to adjust to quickly. He looked back over to Ben and watched him take out a pair of golden dashboard dice from his pants pockets. _He looks so odd wearing anything but black. Beige… it’s a fine colour for him, I suppose,_ Hux mused. 

“What are those?” he asked. 

“My father's dice. He kept them hanging in here on all his flights and… I’d like to put them back.”

“ _That’s_ why you asked me to follow you?”

Ben scowled and Hux grinned silently to himself. He pushed himself off the wall and went to sit in one of the chairs. When he saw Ben fidgeting with the dice, he nodded his head to the dashboard mirror. 

“Go on then, put them back up.”

“I am! In a second,” Ben complained. Hux sighed and scooched over in his chair. “I just- well, maybe it could be symbolic if we do it together… maybe?”

“Symbolic? Of what?”

“Of us! Of-of our lives. We’re starting a new chapter in our lives, and this could symbolize it,” he explained, fumbling over his words in embarrassment. 

Hux felt a blush creep to his face. _Maker, maybe I really_ do _like this new Ben more,_ he thought. “That’s a fine idea.”

“Really?”

“Sure. We’re together forever now, aren’t we?”

Ben smiled again. _He does that a lot now,_ Hux reflected. _Smiling. I don’t think I ever saw him smile this much in the First Order, unless it was a tease for malice_. 

He shook his head and got up from his comfy chair, swaying on his toes for a moment before grabbing one of the two dies. Ben held the other, and together they raised it to the hanger and lay it on. 

The dice swayed and clicked against themselves a few times and then slowed to a stop, spinning gently. Hux held his breath and looked out the window to see Rey talking to a strange scavenger woman. Ben seemed to see her too, as he got a determined look on his face. He turned to Hux and held out his hand, looking down at him. 

“What are you doing?”

“You said we’re together forever now, and I agree. I may not be able to give you what you really want, at least not right now, but I can try to give you something else, Armitage.”

“You’re mad,” Armitage replied, wanting desperately to drop his gaze in embarrassment. 

“I’m sane.”

“Well, what are you going to say?”

“I want to know if we could call each other friends like I wanted.”

_That wasn’t what I was expecting,_ Armitage suddenly thought. _Friends? I’m not sure if we fit that definition. Or any other definition really._

“Ben?”

“Can we call each other friends?” Ben jokingly asked again, quickly losing his confident demeanour. 

Armitage thought quickly and sporadically for an answer. There were so many things he could say back, each with their own multitude of responses. What would Ben want to hear from him? Armitage paused and eventually calming down. He let a small smile spread across his cheeks. 

“I think… that friends wouldn’t be such a bad label,” he eventually said back. “I mean, ex-First Order commanders need to stick together, right?”

Armitage gingerly brushed his hand against Ben’s fingers and leaned closer to him in a small moment of vulnerability. Ben slowly grabbed his hand and caressed it with his thumb; a silent display of affection. The two of them watched Rey walk back to the ship together, both content for once in their lives. Ben let out a small laugh and looked back at Armitage. 

“Right,” he replied, tilting so that him and Armitage were almost hugging. 

And Armitage had never felt so loved.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POST EDIT: At the end of my post editing on December 21st, I know that I won’t get a chance to touch this story again. It’s helped me improve my skills so much and given me a chance to provide a little joy in some of your lives, and I’m grateful for that. All your wonderful comments over the months and kudos and bookmarks have all touched my heart. I’m thankful for every single reader of this little Hux-centric story and hope you had a fun time reading through it!
> 
> There’s nothing finalized, but a sequel may or may not be in the outlining phase as of the moment... It will be appropriately titled, “I Guess I Tolerate Ben Solo”. 
> 
> >;3


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